Jaystin: My story
by jefferen
Summary: This is a Jaystin or JayKris fanfiction based on my theories of what was going on between Jay & KK during Season 3 filming...originally, I wasn't gonna put this up on fanfiction, but I don't how often I will be checking my email the next few months so if people have requests for it, I want people to be able to access the story. Enjoy!


Chapter 1

I can't get over how beautiful she is and how lucky I am that she's mine. How did I ever get so lucky to be able to have this strong and vibrant woman in my life? She's sleeping, but I still can't help myself, but look at her. I hear my phone buzz from the other side of the room, but I don't get up. I am not ready to leave her.

I just need to stare. I am in a trance looking at her. I bring my hand up to her face to brush the stray hairs away from her left eye. I tuck the loose strands behind her eye and smile. She starts to stir, and her body knowingly pushes towards me. I marvel for a moment at the fact that even in her sleep, her body is drawn to me.

"Good Morning," I whisper softly in her ear, before I lightly start nibbling on her neck. She runs her fingers through my hair and then down my back, sending chills down my spine. I continue to spread light kisses down her neck. I push the sheet that is covering her breasts down and guide my lips over her nipples gently sucking on them. I take my other hand and slowly start to move it down the length of her body. I squeeze her thigh as she draws her knees slightly up.

"Oh," she quietly moans, pushing her breast up, to allow me better access. She slides her hand over my behind and lightly squeezes it.

"Mmm," I smile as I bring my lips back up to meet hers.

It doesn't take long for her body to start responding to whatever I start to do to it. I ignore her cries for me to stop; I know she's near the edge.

I've been more than ready since her eyes first fluttered opened this morning. I want her more and more as each second passes. I can't wait any longer. I push her legs open and settle in between them, my erection pressing into her. I kiss her lightly, as my fingers toy with her clitoris. She is more than ready for me. "I love you," I whisper before I slowly sink into her.

"That was pretty intense, Jay," she says trying to catch her breath. "But you will hear no complaints from me, it was amazing."

I wrap my arms around her, and pull her closer; our bodies are now pressed together. She's intoxicating to me. "Amazing, doesn't even come close to describing what you make me feel Kristin." I kiss her lightly on the lips. I feel her pulse quickly start to race. We are both well aware of that pull that is between us, the pull that all the fans of Beauty and the Beast are constantly talking about. Sometimes our bodies are so in tuned with each other, that I actually feel like we are actually Catherine and Vincent. We are destined to be each others forever. We are connected on a much deeper level. It's frightening to me sometimes, what I feel for Kristin.

She's quiet for a moment. "I can't believe we will start shooting Season Three in a couple weeks. It feels like it was just yesterday, that we did our first chemistry read together."

I blush at the memory of the read and how nervous I was. My first ever chemistry read. I had never met Kristin before that read, so I was a bit nervous to meet her. My nervousness was only made ten times worse when the producers threw on that stupid wig, to cover my half shaven head. When I walked into the read, I froze. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Her beauty and grace just consumed the whole atmosphere. She was humble, gracious, sweet, funny and professional, despite my wig. I still don't know how Kristin was ever able to get through our read with such professionalism.

"I hope the fans enjoy what we have in store for them this season," she continues.

"I think they will be pleasantly surprised with what the writers did with the season. I just wish that we had more episodes to give them."

I smile to myself; I want more episodes, because I want more time with her. Going back and forth to New Zealand to be with Eve, is starting to get between us a bit. I feel it, and I feel her starting to slowly pull away.

Kristin has come with me to New Zealand a few times, but I know she's always felt out of place there when she does come, especially if we run into people from Dianna's family. My family absolutely adores Kristin and has welcomed her with open arms, but she still feels out of place, especially when Dianna is around. Kristin does fully respects and supports my relationship with Eve and even her mother to some extent, but I know that Kristin puts on a tough front on her support because there is only so much I can give her right now and I know she wants more, even if she never says it. She deserves more.

She brings me out of my thoughts. She's moving out of my arms and to the side of the bed. She quickly sits up, her bare back facing me as she bends down to pick up my t-shirt. "You are getting dressed?" I ask, as she throws my t-shirt over her head.

She turns around and smirks at me. "As much as I'd like to stay in bed with you all day, I have to go home, and then to the studio for some pre-production stuff. I am just going to catch a quick shower, before heading out."

"Is that an invite?" I ask hopeful.

"Only if you want it to be," she seductively replies, walking towards me.

Just then my phone buzzes again. I walk over to the dresser and pick it. It's a missed call and a text from Dianna. "Shit," I mumble, after I read the text message.

"What is it? Who is it from?" Kristin inquires from the doorway, turning around to face me.

I sigh. I don't even know what to tell her. "It's Dianna," I say quickly. "She wants to be a family."

Kristin is blankly staring at me, as if she didn't hear me. "Say something," I press. Her silence is killing me.

"What does she mean she wants to be a family? You guys will always be some kind of family because you share Eve."

I sigh again because I know the deeper meaning of Dianna's request. We've argued about it a lot quite recently. I have been pushing off dealing with it for some time now. I haven't bothered Kristin with any of this mess. "She doesn't want to keep uprooting Eve to go back and forth between here and New Zealand, just so I can see Eve more. She doesn't want to be in Toronto permanently. It's not her home and it's not really Eve's home either. She's just been doing this all for me."

I sigh, and run my fingers through my hair before looking up at Kristin. God, she is so sexy standing there in nothing but my t-shirt. I instantly feel my cock get hard. I want her again, even now with the tension that is obviously building between us. I continue, before I can't do it anymore. "She doesn't want to spend Eve's whole childhood going back and forth, especially, if there is nothing between us. She wants a commitment again. Maybe not a commitment per se, but something other than what we are doing now."

Kristin looks up at me lost with her big hazel eyes. I see the sadness in them all to clear. "I see," she mumbles. "Well, you should go and be with her then. She's your daughter, and you know I've never had a problem with Dianna, but she's part of the packaged deal. She's Eve's mother. Eve needs both her parents."

She starts to turn away, but I grab her arm and pull her back towards me. "Kristin, you know how I feel about Eve." I run my hand down her hip, grasping onto the edge of my shirt, she is wearing. "But you also know how I feel about you too. I don't want Dianna, I want you. I've wanted you from the second I laid eyes on you." I exhale sharply. "Don't you think you are being a little rash about everything? I love you Kristin."

She sighs sadly, "I love you too Jay, but I'm not what's important. Your daughter is. She needs you. I can't stand in the way of that."

"You aren't," I say in defense.

Kristin sighs heavily before continuing. She runs her hand through her matted hair. "Jay, you have blinders on because of the way you feel about me. I am absolutely standing in the way." She shakes her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "You know we must've been fooling ourselves to think that this could have actually worked between us. I guess subconsciously I knew that it was only a matter of time before you had to cross this road."

"Kristin, I—"

She walks over to me, and touches my cheek. I close my eyes in response to her touch. She looks up into my eyes, almost as if she is searching for answers. "Don't Jay; I can't stand in the way of your relationship with Eve any longer. I mean honestly, how long were we supposed to do this for? Eventually, I was probably going to want more, a real possible future, and I couldn't-I can't live with myself if I in any way stand in or mess up whatever relationship you have with Eve." She sighs heavily again, her voice starts breaking. "I love you that much Jay to let you go." She turns slightly and quickly wipes a tear from her eye.

She sighs, before leaning in to press her lips softly against mine. I taste the salt from her tears on her lips. I press her to open her mouth and grant my tongue entrance. She gives in and our tongues dance together. She wraps her arms around my neck as my body presses against her. I feel her desire for me. She wants me just as much as I want her. I start to tug on my shirt she is wearing, when she pulls back quickly from our kiss.

"I can't Jay, I'm sorry." She looks down guiltily before looking at the door. "I have to go."

I don't know what else to say to her, to convince her that she is the one I want. The one I want to be with. I'd do anything for her.

She quickly bends down to pick up her clothes that are scattered around the room from when I tore them off her last night.

She turns to look at me once more. "I guess, I'll see you at the studio."

"Okay," I manage, not sure what else to say.

She nods in my direction before she heads for the door.

"Kristin?" I say quickly before I lose me nerve.

She turns.

"I am not going to give up on us. I love you," I say as a passion plea.

Chapter 2

It's been three days since I've seen her or heard her beautiful voice. All my calls go straight to voicemail. I've left her several messages for her to call me. I know we can work this out. I try once more before giving up for the day.

"You've reached Kristin—" her voice mail chimes in before I can hang up. I can't leave her another message. She knows how I feel about her.

"Oh Kristin, what are you doing to me?" I mumble running my hands through my hair. I've never met a woman that my body reacts to the way it does even when I'm just thinking about her. I haven't done anything in three days. I can't concentrate. I feel like a love sick puppy. I wonder if she has been making herself scarce at the studio because she doesn't want to see me. She can't avoid me forever.

Bringing me out of my pity there is a knock on the door. I have no idea who is bothering me now. I open the door to find Dianna and Eve standing there.

"Daddy," Eve happily cries as she jumps into my arms.

"Hi baby girl," I say while maneuvering Eve, so she's resting comfortably in my arms. I kiss her forehead before brushing my thumb over her cheek. "I hope you had a wonderful vacation, I missed you." I look at Dianna and smile at her before giving her a light peck on the cheek.

"How was your flight? This is all you brought with you?" I ask motioning at her one suitcase. "Here, let me get it, come in."

She barely smiles at me. "It's all I brought for now,"

I raise my eyebrow up at her, as I put Eve down on the couch and give her one of her toys to occupy her.

"What do you mean for now?" I inquire.

"There are some things that we have to discuss before I make a decision on how long we are staying for this time."

"Are we really going to rehash the same old stuff again, Dianna? I don't really want to fight, especially not in front of our little girl."

She sighs, and makes her way towards the fridge as if she's going to get something to drink. "We can't keep doing what we are doing Jay. It's not healthy and it's not the best thing for Eve either."

"Dianna, we've been doing things this way for almost two years now, why all of the sudden is there a problem?" I inquire. I am baffled by where Dianna is coming from. I don't understand what has changed. We've been on and off for years, and yes, she given me the most important thing in my life, but we've always had more of an open ended relationship. We want each other to be happy, truly happy with someone, but being together is not going to make either one of us truly happy. She knows and I thought she understood about me and Kristin. She's even been supportive of my relationship with Kristin. She knows how much I am in love with Kristin. Dianna even offered to back away when it finally hit her how much I was undeniably in love with Kristin. Dianna realized it before even I did.

"I am sorry if I sounded harsh," I apologize. "I just don't understand where this is coming from. You never had a problem before. In fact you've always been supportive of me and Kristin."

"I know, and I still will be if that's what you truly want."

"I don't understand…"

"I guess what I am trying to say is, I have a life and I want to be able to find happiness to and provide stability for Eve, especially now that she's getting older. I don't think I can do that going back and forth all the time. It's not healthy or the best move for Eve or myself flying back and forth, especially when there is no commitment between us, and really even if I wanted one, you are in way too deep in with Kristin and your feelings for her are way to strong for me to ever compete with, so we should move on. But I refuse to put my life on hold to swing in here and there or be at your beck and call so you can see Eve. I deserve to find happiness too."

"Of course you do. You know that there isn't anything I want more for you, than that," I reply.

"Jay," she says, before reaching out to touch my arm. "I know you aren't going to be moving permanently back to New Zealand, any time soon. Now that you've gotten your taste in the American television industry, going back to New Zealand would be a huge step backwards for your career…"

I had actually never given thought to what I'd do after Beauty and the Beast ends, any serious thought. But, she was in Canada, that was her home base and I never once thought that I could bear leaving her behind. She means more to me than just being a small chapter out of my book of life.

"Plus she is here," Dianna added, as if she was reading my mind. "I want to stay in New Zealand. I don't want to be in Toronto permanently. I'll come and bring Eve to see you every so often, but not as much as I did, and it will be when it's convenient for me. Also, it's not going to be as often as it's been. You will have to make more of an effort to see your daughter too in New Zealand."

"Dianna, be reasonable. You know how tough our shooting schedule is. I'd never have the availability to just fly back and forth like nothing to see Eve. Your work makes it a lot easier for you to travel. That's one of the reasons we have the arrangement we have."

"Yes, but it's not really fair to all involved, is it?" she asks.

"So, what are you offering me? Is that my only option?" I ask, ignoring her posed question.

She sighs, "Well, we could give it a try and be a real family. I'd stay permanently in Toronto for however long you want me to stay. But I don't think your heart would be in it full force even if you agreed to it. We know where your heart lies."

I don't even know how to answer back to that, because Dianna speaks the truth. My heart wouldn't truly be in it, even for Eve.

"Look, you don't have to make a decision right this second or even tomorrow, but you have to make one soon. We will be here for a couple weeks, but hopefully you won't need a couple weeks to make a decision."

"What is eating you tonight?" Austin inquires of me. "Are you dreading going back to shooting?"

I grab our beers at the bar before sitting down next to him at the table. "No, it's definitely not that." I reply while taking a sip of my beer. "Women, they certainly drive you nuts in every single possible way."

"Well that is nothing new," Austin chuckles, before frowning lightly. "Is there more though to this? You seem kind of down in the dumps tonight, and I highly doubt it is specifically because women drive you nuts."

"It's Kristin and Dianna," I say before taking a chug from my beer.

"Both of them? What about them?" Austin asks confused.

"I haven't heard from Kristin in days and it's driving me insane. Dianna wants more than what's going on and issued me an ultimatum."

Austin still has a confused look on his face. I know that he is unsure of where even to begin.

"I don't even know where to begin asking questions. Maybe you should start from the beginning and fill me in on exactly what is going on," Austin suggests. He smiles quickly. "Do I need another beer before you begin?"

I spend the next half hour or so filling Austin in on the basic events that have happened over the course of the past few days.

"So, you haven't heard from Kristin at all since?"

"No," I say with a hint of pain in my voice. "She won't return my calls, or text messages. I'm desperate to talk to her. It's literally killing me. Have you talked to her at all Austin?"

"I haven't. Actually, oddly enough, I haven't even talked to Nina really."

I sigh with disappointment.

"Look Jay, not that I am siding with Kristin here, but from everything you've told me, I think she's right in a way."

"But—"

"Wait a minute Jay, hear me out." He takes another sip of his beer before he continues. "I think Kristin knows that you will never be happy if you had to miss out on Eve's life because of her. You say that she'd never be the reason, but with Dianna's ultimatums, inadvertently, Kristin is the reason. As good as you guys are together; it's like reality hits every now and then and destroys the happiness she has with you. You know when you guys are together, that thing that is between you guys is so strong, it pulls you two into a different universe altogether, but the second someone else steps into that universe you guys are in, intentionally or unintentionally, it's like you guys, but specifically her, comes smashing hard, down into reality. And that fall gets worse and worse for Kristin each time because, each time she gets back up and brushes herself off, she's left bruised and scarred from the fall."

I nod as I continue to listen to Austin's theory on what Kristin is feeling. It pains me that I am the cause of any of her heartache.

"Eventually, she's going to want to stop it all, and move on. You guys are on a constant merry go round in a way. You love each other. You guys probably are each others true matches, but it's like you guys are frozen in your relationship and can never really move forward."

"Honestly, Kristin is coming up to her mid thirties, she probably wants to settle down sometime soon, but settling down with you right now might not look like an option and with this new ultimatum, Dianna gave you, I think Kristin, just decided that her ultimatum was the last straw and she needs to step back."

"I don't necessarily agree with Dianna's ultimatum, but she obviously still feels something for you and wants more, and I think she might be using Eve to her advantage, but you need to be clear with her and what you want. You need to be prepared for whatever she might do, especially if you decide to tell her that you want a future with Kristin. Personally, I think she thinks that with this ultimatum, you will automatically choose Eve and to her what that will mean, is that you choose her too. But if you don't choose her, she might take Eve and make it extremely hard to see her, especially since she knows what your shooting schedule is like, and she might flee back to New Zealand, and really she knows that there isn't much that you could do about it. Your hands or parental rights will legally be tied especially because of the show."

I have to think for a moment. Would Dianna really do something like that? Would she really use my work schedule to her advantage? She has been pretty persistent lately in trying to get something more than what we have.

"It is hard for me to ever imagine that Dianna would do such a thing like that. We've been in each others lives forever. I can't see her doing that," I defended whole heartedly.

"I am not saying she is going to do that, but honestly before you and Kristin came together did she ever have anything to truly be worried about even when you guys would break for awhile or dated other people? Dianna knows, just like we all know how deep your relationship with Kristin goes, and that it could potentially be a threat that she's never had to deal with before. And I think she's trying to prevent that from happening."

In reality, I guess Austin isn't telling me anything that I don't already know deep down. I have been selfish and only thinking about myself and my needs when it comes to Kristin and Eve. I can't help it though. Between the two of them, they consume my every waking thought. I can't imagine my life without either one of them. "This sucks, it really does. Eve and Kristin are everything to me. Why can't I have both of them?" I sigh barely audible. "Do you think that I could actually have both of them, someway?" I ask Austin.

"Dude, I couldn't even tell you. However, if it is even possible to achieve, it's not going to be an easy task to accomplish. You know I am here for you guys too, so just let me know how I can help."

"Thanks man, I appreciate the pep talk," I smile before taking the last chug of my beer. I stand up and slide my chair in.

"Where are you going?" Austin inquires.

"Home to think and decide what my next course of action is going to be. I'll see you in a few days at the studio. Thanks again," I say as I pat Austin on the back before heading out.

Chapter 3

There are only a few days before shooting starts. I haven't heard from her and each day that goes by, I feel more hopeless. I miss her; at this point I am desperate to just even hear her voice. I am playing with Eve on the floor, but I am not really there. I keep staring over at my phone hoping that it rings. I've been doing this for days. I am still debating what I want to do.

"Why, sad, Daddy?" Eve asks, as she touches my cheek.

I turn my head so my lips touch her palm that's on my cheek. I lightly kiss it. I smile, "Nothing for you to be concerned about sweetheart. Daddy is happy." Obviously even my own daughter knows there is something off with me. I try to distract Eve from her thoughts regarding how I am feeling.

"How about we go out for some ice cream? Would you like that?"

Eve smiles, "Ice cream!"

"I'll take that as a yes." I turn my head towards the hallway, and yell for Dianna to get ready.

The ice cream shop is a bit crowded, but I was able to order three ice creams not soon after we arrived. After Eve finished her ice cream, we let her play on the small play ground while we finish our ice cream.

"You seem very distracted tonight, Jay," Dianna points out. She touches my arm. "What is it?"

"Well, you've given me a lot to think about, and I don't think that any outcome is going to be the best for everyone."

"Do you mean the best for everyone, really, or just the best for you and Kristin?"

"Now, that is not fair Dianna," I say with a slight edge in my tone. The more and more I think about it, the more I realize that Dianna is bitter about Kristin and me and the fact that Dianna and I aren't the ones that are something more. In the almost 13 years that Dianna and I were together on and off, we never shared even close to what Kristin and I share together. Dianna is trying to put on a brave face, but she is bitter over my feelings for Kristin. She says she understands my feelings for Kristin, but maybe everything she has been saying in support of Kristin and me this whole time has just been a farce in hopes that I'd realize what we share together.

"I'm sorry Jay, but it's how I feel. You are an amazing father to our little girl, even when Kristin is around, but I think you could even be a better one if you fully put your heart into it. Eve needs both her father and mother."

"You know that I'd never turn my back on Eve. Whatever I can have with her is what I want."

"Then we need to be a family then, a real family," she stresses.

"Dianna, I can't just turn my feelings off for Kristin and turn them back on for you like it's nothing. I love Eve, but I can't pretend to do that. To be the best father I can be to her, I also need to be happy and take care of myself."

"I don't expect you to do any of that right now Jay, but maybe in time, once you get Kristin out of your system, we can really try. But before we can try, you really need to figure a way to close that chapter with Kristen."

I gasp and frown painfully at her thought. Honestly, I don't see myself ever being able to get Kristin out of my system.

"Eve and I are going to Fiji next week for a few weeks. It'll give you some time to sort some more out, really think about what you want without us here. I'll swing through Toronto once more so you can see Eve, and you can tell me what you've decided. If you decide not to be a family, a real family," she stresses, "then Eve and I will go back to New Zealand and stay there, if you decide to work us out, or at least try to, we will stay."

Before I have time to process the new revised ultimatum Dianna has given me, my phone buzzes. I glance over at it quickly and realize it's her. I've been calling for what seems like weeks, and now at the worst possible time, in the middle of this heated exchange she chooses now to call me back.

Dianna sees the look on my face. "I know it's her Jay, you can't hide you feelings for her. Just pick up the phone and talk to her. I know you want to."

"I'm sorry," I say to Dianna, as I pick up the phone and walk away, getting out of earshot of Dianna.

"Kristin?" I ask desperately, still not fully believing that she finally called me back.

"Jay," she whispers in reply. "I need to see you, it is important," she adds softly, barely audible.

She's so quiet; I am worried about her for a minute. "Are you okay? I've been calling you for non-stop." God, it's so good to hear her voice. Just hearing her voice has soothed my entire mind. I've missed her so much.

"I'm fine Jay, don't worry about me. When can we meet?" she persists. "I'd like to meet before we begin shooting in a few days."

"Whenever is good for you. I'll make the time. I promise."

"Tomorrow night?" she asks, "8pm at that Italian restaurant across from the studio?"

I'm surprised at first. "You don't want me to come over to your place?" I ask confused.

"No, I think it's better if we meet on neutral ground. Also, I'll be less likely to be distracted by you if we are in public."

I have no clue what she means by that. Even though I want to jump her bones right now, I would never do anything to her that she doesn't obviously want or ever make her feel uncomfortable.

"Okay, if you say so," I smile even though she can't see it.

"I will see you tomorrow Jay. 8pm," she adds before hanging up.

It's 8:04 and she still isn't here yet. I am inside; I've gotten us a table. Kristin is usually always prompt. She's never late. I wonder if she has changed her mind and now is standing me up. I start having all these thoughts running through my head, as I look at the clock on my phone every thirty seconds.

"I am sorry I am late," Kristin says, bringing me out of the self wallow I was about to go in. She is standing over me, barely smiling. I quickly get up to pull out her chair for her.

"Thank you," she smiles.

I don't even know where to begin with her. "How are you?" I finally ask. "I've been thinking about you non-stop for days. You haven't returned any of my phone calls." I sigh, "I'm desperate Kristin, please," I beg, not even knowing really why I am begging her other than I just want to be with her.

"Jay, please, don't do this."

I am confused. What does she mean, don't do this? What am I doing, other than telling her in not so many words, how much I need her and how much I've missed her the past couple weeks. "Do what?" I ask. I put my hands over hers and stare into her eyes. Her eyes are saying so much to me. She wants me, she loves me, but something is holding her back. Is it really Dianna and this new ultimatum that is causing her to hold back?

"Kristin, please," I beg, "Please, talk to me. I've never known a woman to drive me nuts the way you do. I have to know what you are thinking. Don't shut me out. I love you."

"I don't know even how to say it," she replies barely audible.

"God Kristin, whatever you want, I'll do it. I just want you, and I know that you want me, you can't deny that."

"I can't ask you to give up your daughter for me, Jay. She deserves her father. You are an amazing father. She is so lucky."

"Kristin, I don't how many times I have to say it," I painfully and desperately say. "You are not the problem." Indirectly, she kind of is, but she is my choice, and a choice I can't, I won't give up.

"Stop lying to yourself Jay. You are lying to yourself because you are in love with me. Us being together is most certainly the problem. I want more and you can't give that to me right now without taking away from Eve. I won't allow Eve to suffer because of my selfishness. How long were we supposed to do what we've been doing? It's like our relationship is frozen. We are never moving forward and our relationship is never growing."

I wince at her comment, as Austin basically said the same thing to me days ago. "Kristin, please, you aren't thinking straight."

"Jay, I've had plenty of time to think about this, that's one of the reasons I haven't returned your phone calls the past few weeks. Just hearing you voice, I knew I'd probably break. You have this power over me, that just hearing your voice does things to me and you know it too. I had to take time to think about what I want and what is best for everyone, without you whispering in my ear. I wouldn't be able to hold strong if you were around doing that. And if I was going to make a healthy decision, the best decision, I couldn't have contact with you."

"And God Jay, I—"she sniffs, "I love you, I do, but what is going on between all of us, you, me, Dianna, Eve isn't healthy."

Kristin is crying, and there is only so much restraint I can hold onto before I get up and take her in my arms. Her tears are killing me.

She exhales and sniffs again before continuing. "Look, all we can ever be Jay is friends, co-workers."

Her words stab me in the heart. After everything we've been through the past two years, I can't, I won't let it end here.

"Kristin, please, you know that neither of us will ever be okay with just being friends. There is something between us that will never go away, not even if we are just friends, and you know it. You can't deny that we connect on a completely different level than most couples. Are you really willing to just let that go? You've made me, come alive the past couple years, I am the happiest I've ever been and that is because of you, and I know on some level I've done the same for you."

Kristin is bawling still. "Please stop Jay, you are breaking my heart, I can't say any more. I don't want to hurt you any more than I have clearly done already. I want you to be happy without me."

"I will never accept that this is what you want Kristin," I reply back to her. "I know how your body responds when we are together, and what you are thinking and want, and I am not buying this. There is no way that this is what you what. You are just confused and scared right now of the future. I know you want us." I squeeze her hand and then bring it to my lips and kiss her knuckles. I feel her body react as I kiss each of her knuckles. "Please, just trust in us. I promise we will have a future. I will make sure of it. We deserve it and I will make this right. We can have it all."

"Oh Jay, I didn't want to say this. I don't want to hurt you, but you aren't really giving me a choice," she cries. She exhales sharply and than looks directly into my eyes. "I've met someone else, I am sorry," she says solemnly, with a bit of regret in her voice, before she gets up and walks out of the restaurant.

Chapter 4

I am definitely running late to the studio. I am never going to make it there before the meeting with the whole cast, Stu and Brad happens, which means that I won't be able to talk to Kristin beforehand.

The last words she said to me before she ran out on me the other night have been burned into my brain. She's met someone. It's been driving me nuts not knowing any more information then that. But what hurts the most is that she can easily move on to someone else, so quickly. I have to wonder if our connection meant that little to her. Was I really misreading all of her body language this whole time?

I walk down the hallway through the cafeteria at the studio, when I see her out of the corner of my eye. She has her hair up in a ponytail, and looks as beautiful as ever. She is smiling and looks like she is talking to someone, although I am not sure who it is. She quickly reaches her hand out, almost as if she is going to touch that person. I immediately feel a spike of jealously, and over protectiveness overcome me, and I am not even sure why. By the time I reach her, whoever she was talking to has left. She's about to open the door that leads to the hallway where the offices and conference room is.

I almost beat her to the door. She has her hand on the door and I place my hand over hers, startling her.

"Kristin," I say breathless. I already feel my heartbeat pick up a notch. I am almost speechless, unsure of how to even begin, but knowing I can't just say nothing.

"Jay—I" she pulls her hand out from under mine. I know she too is also unsure of what to say.

"Please, Kristin, can we talk? Or at least finish our conversation that you ran out on me?" Our faces are inches away from touching. I can feel her breath quicken. The sexual tension is rising between us. She looks up at me with a face of desperation, confusion and want. I immediately get hard, knowing that she obviously wants me still. I know her body is just reacting to mine, and my silent cries of desperation. She knows I want her and she cannot deny she wants me too. Even at odds, it is frightening how strong the pull is between us. It takes every bit of strength I have not to pull her into my arms and kiss her passionately.

She tries to back away a bit, to get me out of her space. "Jay, we can't do this. Not now."

"Why?" I ask, momentarily forgetting about the meeting that the two of need to be in.

"Well for one, we are going to be late to that meeting, if we don't end this here."

"Kristin, I can't let this go. I deserve more than what you gave me at the restaurant."

She nods. "You are right. You do. I am sorry that I ran out on you like that. It's just when—"she cuts herself off. "Never mind, I am not going to get into it now."

I start to protest, when she continues. "Let's go to the meeting, and I promise after the meeting and the fittings we will talk. I need to be honest with you. You deserve at least that."

"Thank you," I sigh. I push the door open for Kristin and then follow her down the hallway into the conference room.

Nina, Austin and Nicole are already inside the conference room, sitting at the table.

"Brad and Stu aren't here yet?" Kristin asks. "We are late as it is."

"They are on the way. They just called in here," Austin says.

"Great," Kristin says as she slides into a chair next to Nina.

Just as I take my seat across the table next to Austin, Brad and Stu walk in. "Hello, every body, I hope you all had a great summer off," Brad smiles. "It's time to get down to business. We have a great season planned for you guys."

"And for the fans," Stu cuts in.

Stu and Brad spend the next hour or so, going over the season, and the shooting schedule. Everything they are saying is just going in one ear and out the other. I look over at Kristin from time to time and she looks like she is just blankly staring into space. She doesn't look like she is mentally at this meeting either. I just want this meeting to be over already. I need to straighten this out with her, if not for anything, but my sanity. I wonder what she is thinking about at this very moment.

Stu and Brad finally wrap things up. All I think that I actually took in from the meeting is that Vincent and Catherine are going to be a solid, domesticated couple, and while trying to figure out their domesticated lives together, they will also be forced to go up against people who are trying to push the limits of innocent humans. Sounds like a great season that the fans will enjoy, but if Kristin and I don't fix what is going on between us soon, I am sure that it will affect our portrayals of Vincent and Catherine, and I am sure the fans will take notice to it. The fans took notice to our instant and tangible chemistry before even the first episode finished airing. I can only image what Twitter would be like if we lose that chemistry.

"Dude, you want to go out for drinks tonight?" Austin asks, as he walks by my chair. "Nina and Nicole and I were talking about having a last hoorah before shooting starts."

I look up at him quickly. "Uh—"

"I think Nina is asking Kristin, if that's what you wanted to know," Austin says, almost reading my mind. "Still haven't worked it all out yet, bud?"

I shake my head. "Nope, and it's driving me insane, especially after the blow she gave me last time we really spoke. We have to figure this out, man. I mean we have at least seven months of shooting. If we don't figure this out, it's going to be an awkward seven months, not only for Kristin and me, but for you, Nina and Nicole too. I won't allow it to go on like this."

"We appreciate bud, but you have to do what is right for you. Don't worry about us all. We will be fine with whatever you or Kristin decide," he says putting his hand on my shoulder. I have to run. I am meeting Catherine for a fitting. I'll text you the details to where we are going out, if you are up to go out."

"Appreciate it, thanks."

I clutch onto my script for episode one, and head out to the parking lot. I haven't even skimmed it, which is unlike me. I take my phone out of my pocket to call Kristin. She promised me we'd talk.

Her phone rings once, before she picks up.

"Jay," she sighs.

"When can we meet?" I ask, determined not to let her blow me off.

"Are you still at the studio?" she asks.

"I am in the parking lot getting ready to pull out."

"Stay there, I am just leaving my dressing room now, I'll meet you at your car."

I know it will be at least a few minutes for her to get to my car from her dressing room, so I decide to quickly skim the first episode. I flip through the pages to find that Brad wrote a great season opener, that the fans are sure to love, but if Kristin and I don't settle this tonight, I don't know how we are going to do a few particular scenes that Brad wrote for the season opener.

"Well, it's nice to know that Kristin and I start the season in bed," I chuckle to myself. The beginning and end of the episode look pretty good too. It's about time that Vincent and Catherine got engaged. I love Brad's touch that Vincent gives Catherine his mother's ring. Obviously, Alex wasn't that special, if Vincent never even thought to give Alex his mother's ring. I smile at how Brad has written the proposal at the end. It is very Vincent and Catherine.

I start to let my mind wonder a bit to the day that Kristin and I can hopefully get married. I am not giving up on us. I will do whatever it takes to be with her and be the best father I can to Eve. I know that even if Dianna takes Eve permanently back to New Zealand, that Kristin and I could still make this work, and I can still be an amazing father to Eve.

She opens the door, bringing me out of my fantasy. "Hey," she mumbles, closing the door after she gets into the passenger seat.

I don't even know what I should say or even ask, or if I should just let her try to explain the situation to me. I already feel my skin boiling over thinking about what she's going to say. I still can not accept the fact that she could be seeing someone other than me.

"I don't even know where to begin," she finally says.

"Who is he?" I ask with edge in my voice. "Do I know him?" "How long? Why?" I ask, suddenly aware of all the questions coming out of my mouth.

"Are you sure you want to know, Jay?" she asks, reaching her hand over to place it on my arm.

The thought kills me, but yes I have to know. I look at her and nod. Before she continues, I ask two more questions that come to mind. "Is this someone from work?" I flash quickly in my head to seeing Kristin in the hallway earlier, talking to someone. I remember how quickly and all of the sudden rage and jealously came over me, and I didn't even see the person. "Is it whoever you were talking to in the hallway right before that meeting?" I press.

Kristin looks guiltily down at her entwined hands that are now in her lap. She can barely look at me now. I already know the answer before she speaks again.

"Yes," she cries. "You are right."

My heart sinks and I feel tightness in my chest. Not only is she seeing someone so soon, but he works at the studio.

"Are you trying to wound me more than you already have?" I ask.

"Of course not Jay, I want you to be happy. I don't ever want to hurt you intentionally."

Does she not see how much she is hurting me now, by being with someone else? My heart can only take so much.

She sighs again, tears in her eyes. I know she is holding back her tears as much as she can, and it's killing her to even speak.

"It's Eric," she says, her voice cracks

"Eric, as in the boom operator?" I ask.

"Yes, him," she cries. "Please, don't hate me, Jay." She begs, as she hangs her head slightly.

I could never hate her. How could she even ever think that? "Why Eric?" I ask, not knowing what else to say.

"We've always been friends. When you went to New Zealand for a couple weeks over the summer, he asked me if I wanted to go to a comic book show with him. I wasn't doing anything, so I went. We became better friends after that, but there were never any romantic feelings there. Even with you thousands and thousands of miles away, you still consumed me and my every thought."

I hope she knows the feeling was mutual when I was in New Zealand.

"Anyway, that is all we remained. I won't lie and say he didn't occasionally flirt with me, but it was never more and he respected whatever it was that we had going on. Until, the day that I left your apartment, after Dianna's text and realizing actually how much I was standing in the way and how much we remained idle as a couple. It was devastating for all sorts of reasons. I stood in the way of your relationship as a father to Eve and our relationship as a whole stood in the way of us ever getting in reach of the next level. I let it go on too long. I knew what I was getting involved with in the beginning, yet I just couldn't help myself. You are an intoxicating drug, Jay. I hope you know that," she says with a slight smile.

Ditto babe," I reply as I run my knuckles over her cheek.

"I was so upset and devastated over what had happened and the finality of my decision and that I honestly wasn't sure if I was actually going to be able to hold strong with my decision regarding us. I literally cried all night. I never went to sleep that night. And with everything that happened, I completely forgot I was supposed to meet Eric the next day to go to a comic book show, that when he rang my doorbell, I answered it in tears."

Hearing how much pain and how many tears I have cost her is killing me. I just want to take her in my arms and apologize for being responsible for her tears. I want to hold her and not let go.

"After heavy persuasion and persistence from him, he finally got me to relax enough to talk about it all, even though, I didn't want to." She sighs, as another tear rolls down her cheek. "I felt relived after getting it all out in the open. It just went from there between us after that. He's been my rock the past few weeks. He's really helped me get to a better place. The first twenty-four hours after, I literally didn't know how I was going to survive. Even breathing was a challenge for me," she softly confesses, not looking at me.

She licks her lips and finally looks over at me. "Jay, I am not going to lie to you and say I don't love you, because you know I do. I will always love you. I won't say that Eric has completely healed my heart either, but where I am at now is a start. I hope you can accept this and maybe we can try to be friends."

She leans over and kisses my cheek lightly. "I'll see you in the morning," She opens the door to my car, and I pull on her arm to stop her from getting out.

"If this is what you want," I stop myself, because I can't believe I am going to say it, but I want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. "I understand. I hope he makes you happy," I say forcing a smile.

"Thank you Jay," she says sounding relived.

"I won't lie and say, that I hope that destiny doesn't prevail. Regardless of everything I feel in my heart, that we are meant to be and I will never stop believing that or in us."

Chapter 5

I arrive at the studio at 2pm. We start shooting today. We are on nights though. We will probably start shooting around 5, but I have make up and blocking before hand. I pick up the papers that were left in my mailbox outside my dressing room door. It has today's shooting schedule on one of the pages. I need to know if I have any scenes to shoot with Kristin. According to the script, I have a scene with Austin today, and the rest of my scenes are with Kristin. We are shooting one of the rooftop scenes and a few scenes in Catherine's apartment. A smile comes across my face, when I realize that first day back, we are shooting Vincent and Catherine waking up in bed together.

"Well, this should be interesting," I smirk to myself, unsure of how this scene is going to go with everything that is going on, between Kristin and me. I glance quickly at my watch. "Oh, better get going to make up."

I open the door, with my script in hand hoping to review some lines in make up. I open my script as I close the door and head down the stairs, when I accidently bump into someone.

"I'm sorry—" I say before looking up and realizing who it is. A thousand heart stabbing thoughts go through my mind in one second. It's Eric.

"My bad, Jay," he says taking the blame. "My head was obviously somewhere else."

" _I bet it was,"_ I silently think. He has to obviously know how Kristin and I have left things.

"How was your summer break?" Eric asks.

I know he is trying to make some kind of small talk with me, anything to take away from the obvious awkwardness that is between us.

"Fine, especially the time I was able to spend in Toronto with my daughter and the people that mean the most to me," I reply, subtlety trying to acknowledge that Kristin is one of those important people. I want him to know that Kristin's heart belongs to me, even if she doesn't think it does right now.

"Well—" Eric says breaking the momentary silence between us. "I better get to that meeting that Stu has called for the crew."

"Yeah, I have to get to make up. See you later," I manage before going in the opposite direction. I had to hold myself back the entire conversation, because I really wanted to punch his lights out for stealing my girl.

When I arrive on set, I find that the first scene up after I get out of make up is with Austin. Vincent has come over to JT's place to get his mother's engagement ring to give to Catherine.

"You look like you just had your heart ripped out of your chest," Austin says, coming over to me. "Kristin?" he questions.

"Long story man, but the short of it is, Kristin doesn't want to be with me anymore. She says it's over and can't be worked out," I sigh, as Austin puts his hand on my shoulder.

"She's done?" Austin asks shocked.

I nod, "And what's more, she's dating someone else already." I feel a sting go through my heart as I confess that she's already dating someone.

"What?" Austin asks in shock. I watch his eyes grow and his mouth drop open slightly.

"Yes, and what's worse, it's somewhere here at the studio,"

"You are kidding me right?" Austin asks, "That's kind of a bit cold on her part, to say the least. Who is it?"

I sigh, feeling torn. "It's Eric Putzer," I almost spit.

"Wow," Austin replies. "Jay, I am so sorry."

"Thanks man, I appreciate it," I sigh again. "I am trying not to be bitter over this and the fact that it's Eric, but I am having a really hard time not being bitter. I feel like her dating Eric, or anyone here is like a slap in my face. How could she date someone here, and know that I am going to be seeing them together day in and day out? I feel like she is purposely rubbing salt in my open wounds."

"I can't believe it, man. I feel like this is so unlike Kristin," Austin states. "It's crazy."

"I normally would never confess this or say it out loud, but when it comes to her, I can't help it. My heart is in pieces." Kristin is the only woman, who has ever made me feel so vulnerable. Even in the thirteen plus years, I was together with Dianna; she never made me feel this way or this vulnerable.

I sigh again, trying to hold in my sadness and not reveal any more to Austin about how vulnerable I actually am. "It's killing me," I frown. "Not only is it someone here, but the awkwardness of everything when Vincent and Catherine actually have close or intimate scenes? I mean he's going to be holding the damn microphone for God's sakes. He's going to be right on top of us."

"Yeah, that's going to be awkward. I am so sorry man," he says as he puts his hand on my shoulder.

My scenes with Austin go slow. Not that I don't like Austin, but I just want to get to my scenes with Kristin. I need to see her. I don't even have the faintest clue to how I am even going to begin to get over her.

After we wrap JT and Vincent's scenes for the day, I head over to Catherine's apartment set to wait for everyone else to get there. I skim over my twitter account while waiting. The fans are roaring as loud as ever. I see some tags in my notifications, of pictures of Kristin and myself at different events, each picture with a different type of editing to make the picture a whole different picture than it originally was before. Every single tag has the hashtag Jaystin attached to it. I can't help but click the hashtag and read some of the tweets. I can't help but smile at some of them. Most of the fans know, even if Kristin and I never officially confirmed it. I feel bad though now as if we are disappointing them, but it's nice to see them rooting for us.

Before I exit out of twitter, I run into a few tweets from some people calling Kristin a homewrecker, and the other woman. I click to read the conversation from the beginning. I am appalled and hurt by the things they are saying about Kristin and us as a couple. I don't even know if it's what they are actually saying or if it is how they are saying it that is bothering me so much. It's tasteless and how dare they say certain things when none of them know anything about our relationship. I can't believe the audacity. I click back and read their twitter timelines. Each one of them is complaining about something and the tone of their tweets, are very know it all, hurtful and demeaning, and makes me want to jump through social media and choke them. Reading their conversations reminds me why I do not log onto social media too much anymore. Some fans are becoming just too vile. None of them know exactly what is going on, between Kristin and me, even if they truly believe what they are telling people. How dare they attack others and belittle others on social media when they themselves know nothing either. I think about blocking them before exiting out of twitter, but I don't want to put any more light onto this issue than there clearly already is.

"Hi Jay," Kristin says bringing me back to reality.

I smile up at her.

"Ready to get back to work?" she smiles in return.

Stu comes up to us before I can answer to discuss the upcoming scenes. "You guys ready to rumble? They are expecting you in wardrobe and make up." Stu flips through the script that is in hand. "We are starting with the morning montage scene of Vincent and Catherine and then we are doing the proposal scene on the rooftop."

I look over at Kristin as Stu confirms what scenes we are shooting today. She doesn't give anything away to what her feelings are shooting these scenes, especially since our break up is rather fresh.

I am out of makeup and ready on set before, Kristin is out of wardrobe. I am reviewing a few things with Jeff, our director for this episode, when she comes out on set. I immediately know she's there. I look up at her; she's wearing sweatpants, with a gray camisole and a plaid button down that's completely open. Her hair is down and slightly wavy. My cock immediately reacts to her. She looks beautiful. I can't help but smile at her beauty even in sweatpants. In reality, she could be in anything and she'd still be the most beautiful woman in the room.

Kristin comes over to stand next to me as we wait for the crew to get into position. "You look beautiful," I whisper for her ears only.

"Jay," she breaths quickly, "Don't."

"I am just being honest," I reply.

She smirks a bit, blushes and then looks up at me. "Your honesty will get us into trouble."

I stifle my laugh and decide to test the waters a bit more, "Maybe that is what I want,"

Jeff motions for us to come onto the set and get into position. I take my black tank top off, baring my chest. Kristin takes off her plaid button down. I sit on the edge of the bed facing away from Kristin as the directors describe the position they want us in. A thousand thoughts are going through my mind about how Kristin is going to act in this scene. I know she's going to be completely uncomfortable in the scene, especially since her new boyfriend is going to be holding the microphone right above us.

We lay down on our sides, not facing each other, her back almost touching my chest. "I am gonna pick up my arm now so you lay in between my arms," I say softly to Kristin.

She nods awkwardly; as she gets comfortable in the new position we are in. I can't see Kristin's face, but I am sure she's looking around for Eric. I snuggle closer to her, our bodies now touching. I close my eyes and breathe in her sweet essence. I immediately get goose bumps. Even with people in the room, my body is still reacting to her in small ways.

The last crew member to be in place is Eric. He gets the microphone almost directly over us a foot or two above, in position.

"And action!" Jeff says moments later.

 _The alarm clock goes off to start the scene. I slowly pick up my head, and reach over Kristin to shut it off, I breathe deeply as I am directly over Kristin, I lean down to kiss her cheek lightly, waking her from her pretend slumber. She smiles, her eyes still closed. I kiss her cheek again, and run my hand down her arm. "Good morning," I whisper in a slightly husky voice. Before she answers, with her good morning, I am already reaching my hand up to cup her face to give her a real kiss. She smiles and then puckers her lips to meet mine. We kiss and just as I am about to wrap my arms under her to deepen the kiss, Jeff yells cut._

Kristin immediately pulls away. I continue to open the distance between us, as I sit up in the bed.

"Very good guys, excellent, but I'd like to do one more take, something was off for me and I'm not exactly sure what it was,"

"You're the boss," Kristin smiles at Jeff before sitting back against the headboard of Catherine's bed.

"Take ten, and we will start from the beginning,"

The next take was to Jeff's likening and we were able to move on to the rest of the scenes in the montage.

We were standing in Catherine's kitchen waiting for the scene to begin. I have my black tank top back on and Kristin has put her button down back on. It is a short scene we have to complete. Basically, all we have to do is grab glasses out of the cabinet and drinks out of the fridge, pour coffee, toast and kiss.

Everyone gets into position again, when Jeff again yells action.

 _Kristin and I are both at the fridge, I open the door, and we are touching. She grabs the pitcher of orange juice, while I grab the milk, and we move in a swift pace to put the items on the countertop. We are both smiling as Vincent and Catherine in domesticated bliss. I put the milk down as I reach over behind Kristin to get the glasses out of the cabinet and quickly set them down. She reaches over me to grab her cup. She is still smiling, as I pour milk into my coffee mug. She picks up her glass of orange juice and smiles up at me. I can't help but smile in return, as I turn towards her so we can clink our glasses to toast. She wipes off with her hand any excess liquid that is left on her lips; I turn towards her and reach my arm around her waist to pull her closer to me for a kiss. She smiles up at me again and extends her neck up to reach my lips. She is as beautiful as ever, as I lean in to kiss her. She puckers for me as I give her a little bit more than a light peck. We pull away, and both of us slightly laugh, as I look down towards the coffee mug that is in my hand, and she continues to gleefully smile up at me._

Jeff yells cut. "That was great guys! I don't even think we need a second take. I am going to just replay it quick to make sure, but I am sure that the editing department can make some tweaks to weave everything together." He pauses for a moment, before continuing. "Thanks guys. I am so grateful that I get the privilege of working with such great actors."

Kristin sheepishly smiles, "Thanks Jeff."

"Shooting for the last scene of the day will start in about an hour. See you guys there," Jeff says before exiting the set.

We both have to go back into wardrobe before we shoot the final scene of the day. By the time we both get on set, they scene is completely set up and ready for us to start shooting once we get into our places.

 _Kristin is sitting on the ledge of the rooftop set cross legged looking out into what is supposed to be part of the New York skyline. She is reflecting on what has transpired for Vincent and Catherine in the episode._

 _I enter the set, and Kristin immediately looks over. Our eyes lock, as I continue to slowly walk further out onto the set. She picks up her head slightly before she speaks. "Hey," she says. I continue to look at her, and take a step towards her. She sighs, "I didn't know when I was gonna see you again. I was giving you some space." She lifts her head up a bit, before she leans back slightly._

 _I walk towards her. "Yeah, uh, thanks,"_

 _She smiles, "Although part of me was just hoping, you'd jump across the street and sweep me off my feet again,"_

 _I get even closer to her; I smile at her, and laugh softly at her comment. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint."_

 _"Never," she says in reply._

 _I lick my lips, not taking my eyes off her._

 _"You okay?" she asks._

 _I nod slightly before answering. "Yeah," I tilt my head, "Yeah, I just, I don't know. My head's still spinning; it's been a….rough couple of days."_

 _She tilts her head to the side and cracks a small smile, "You think?"_

 _I walk even closer to her. "Look, uh….Catherine," I continue as I slide myself up to sit on the ledge next to Kristin._

 _She's watching me carefully as I get in a comfortable sitting position._

 _I look towards her. "You're right. I know as much as I want a normal life, I can't have it," I say as I shake my head. "I'm not normal," Kristin frowns in sadness at my response. I continue, "And like it or not, and for the record, I don't like it, I don't really have a choice."_

 _She leans her face closer to me. "We don't have a choice. Vincent, you've been given a gift. It might not have started out that way, but it has become that. And if you think about it, it's really not much different from why you wanted to join the army, or why you wanted to become a doctor."_

 _"Or why you wanted to become a cop," I interrupt._

 _"I keep saying, I really believe that we're in this together for a reason, not just for love," she whispers passionately._

 _I nod, "Except, without that, I'd be lost," I sigh as I look away from her. She says nothing, just continues to look at me with a face full of sadness and heartbreak for me._

 _I jump down off the ledge, and reach my hand out to help Kristin down. She looks at me puzzled. "What are you doing?" she inquires of me._

 _I start to feel my own nervousness; start to come to the surface._

 _She takes my hand and jumps down._

 _"Just—I'm making sure you don't fall." I shuffle my feet a bit and sway back and forth, my mouth slightly open. "Um—" I say, as I lick my lips and get down on one knee and take her hand. I look at Kristin, she's completely shocked. I don't know if it's quite clicked yet in Catherine's mind to what Vincent is about to do. I pick up her hand a bit higher and bring up the ring to her hand. I look at the ring quickly before, I look back up at Kristin._

 _Kristin inhales sharply. I look back up at her. I feel her pulse starting to race. A few goose bumps pop around her hand and wrist. I sigh once more in nervousness, "Will you marry me?" I finally breathe._

 _She looks down in almost disbelief at me and the ring I'm holding. She's speechless for a moment. I quickly think about the day that I could propose to Kristin. I hope she doesn't keep me in suspense even for a second, like Catherine is doing to Vincent right now. The few moments that pass feel like an eternity. The suspense would kill me. I feel bad for Vincent._

 _She smiles, and tilts her head. "Yes," she says. She laughs lightly and smiles again._

 _"Yes?" I question._

 _"Yes," she repeats, laughs and nods her head in happiness._

 _I laugh as I slide the ring onto her finger._

 _Kristin looks down, her eyes filling up with tears._

 _I get up quickly. She laughs, as I cup her face to passionately kiss her. Kristin grabs my face in return. I kiss her hard, and try to get her to open her mouth slightly. My tongue is begging for entrance. She pulls away to break the kiss._

 _"Yes?" I ask again._

 _"Yes," she replies again._

 _I smile back at her as I dive into her for a hug. She wraps her arms around me before I start to passionately kiss her again._

"Cut!" Jeff yells.

Jeff wanted to do some tweaking to the scene, so we had to do part of the scene over. We were finally done for the night around 2 a.m.

"That's a wrap for tonight guys. You guys were really great. I appreciate all your hard work. We will be doing, the first roof top scene tomorrow, and Kristin; we will be shooting the scenes with Agent Barnett and Agent Thomas in their DHS office and your car scene before you get to the roof top. Have a great night guys."

Kristin rushes out of the studio after we wrapped with Jeff. We are all beat, but I am sure she rushed out more or less because of me. I know she still loves me, I can feel it, but I know she's at the point if she even gives me a little she knows I will take it and she will give in. I wish there was something I could do to convince her to come back to me.

Chapter 6

I roll out of bed mid morning. I didn't sleep well at all last night. I can't get her out of my mind. I have a few places I have to go before I go to the studio, so I head to my closet to pull some clothes out to get dressed.

I bend down to get a pair of sneakers when I notice a shirt on the floor. I pick it up and notice that it's not one of my shirts. I turn it right side in to realize that it's Kristin's shirt. I bring it up to my face and breathe in the sweet smell of her. I toss it on the bed. I will quick wash it and bring it with me to the studio. I decide to check to see if there is anything else around my apartment that is hers. As much as I hate giving the stuff back to her, I know that she will appreciate it.

By the time it's time to head out to the studio, I have collected a whole bag of Kristin's stuff, a few shirts, toothbrush, hairbrush, contacts and a few other things.

I have it in my hand as I enter the cafeteria at the studio. I need to stop for a bagel and coffee before heading to my dressing room. As I stand at the coffee station mixing the milk into my cup, I see Kristin enter the cafeteria with Eric. She is laughing. Eric, right next to her, quickly lets go of her hand. I don't know if that was intentional because he saw me in here and doesn't want it to be any more awkward than it already is, or if it was just a mere coincidence.

I still have her bag in my hand, and I debate for a moment if I should go up to her and give her the bag. I watch her for a moment, trying not to make it obvious that I am actually staring. She caresses his left arm slowly for a moment, before pulling her hand back towards her. Even, that slight touch brings out a spark of jealously in me. I don't want to embarrass her, by going up to her but I can't watch them any longer. I take her bag and exit the cafeteria for my dressing room.

I leave my dressing room a few minutes before I have to be on set. I decide I'll just give her the bag after shooting is over.

Kristin is already on set by the time I get there. I immediately take note to what she is wearing. She's wearing a white blouse with a short brown leather jacket over it, with jeans.

She is talking to Jeff. When she is done, I grab her quickly. "Kristin," I say as I softly grab her arm, forcing her to stop and turn around too look at me. "Can we talk for a second?"

She looks up at me. "Jay, I don't think that's a good idea."

I chuckle to myself, knowing why she thinks it's not a good idea.

"It's not about us," I say.

"Oh, okay, sure," she smiles.

"I have a bag of stuff that yours that I have collected up to give back to you. Things you have left at my place."

"Oh, I didn't realize I left stuff there. I appreciate you collecting them up for me," she half smiles.

"No problem. It's the least I can do. It's in my dressing room, so if you want to stop by my dressing room after we finish shooting, I can give it to you."

"Thanks, Jay," she says, before walking away.

We are back on the rooftop set in position ready to shoot. I have to do my entrance scene separately, later in the week. Jeff yells action.

 _I am on my hands and knees. I am panting as if I am out of breath. I quickly get up. Kristin bursts through the door to the rooftop. I see her looking around for me, slightly panting. I jump down from the small ledge. Kristin turns around to face me._

 _She breathes heavily as if she's out of breath too. "You're late,"_

" _Sorry," I say. I throw my arms out to my side as I walk towards her. "It's been a while since I beasted out." I smile at her, before I add, "You know, almost forgot how." I am now standing right in front of Kristin._

" _It's only been two months," she says_

 _I nod my head, and raise my eyebrows slightly. "Yeah, long enough not to miss it." I lean in to kiss her. She willing puckers for me and opens her mouth slightly. I want to take advantage of the opportunity, but I know this particular kiss there isn't enough time for it. I start to pull away from the kiss, but she continues for an extra second before pulling away._

" _You know, it's really too bad we still have to go through all this just to see each other, though, huh?"_

 _She tilts her head up at me before replying. "Blame work, not beasts. And traffic," she adds._

 _I nod, tilt my head and lean into her. "Oh, traffic. Okay, so, how long you got?" I am centimeters from her neck. I start to slowly kiss her neck, taking in her sweet essence. I start at the bottom and work my way up, savoring this moment._

" _That depends. How long can you last?"_

 _I lift my lips from her neck and look at her. I forcefully grab Kristin to pick her up. She brings her legs up to wrap them around my waist. She leans in to kiss me, as I slowly_ _sway with her in my arms. She's breathing heavily as I bring my arm up to slide her jacket off. She's already ahead of me, helping me get her out of the jacket. She throws the jacket down, exhales sharply before wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me deeply again._

 _She opens her mouth, granting me the access I desire. Our tongues dance together, slowly at first, then more fiercely. I continue too explore her mouth, hoping she doesn't back off too soon. Kristin is unintentionally telling me everything that I need to know. If only we could stay in this moment forever._

"Cut!" Jeff says after what seems like just a few seconds. I am greedy and I want more of Kristin. As things stand now between us, I'll take anything I can get from her, even if it means we have to be Vincent and Catherine.

We had to do a few more takes, more or less for tweaking, which didn't bother me at all. Each time we shot the scene, I felt like Kristin's kisses were filled with more want and desperation for me. It was such a change from how she acted yesterday during shooting. By the time we wrapped on the scene, I was desperate myself to just talk to Kristin.

"I'm done for the day," I say to her as we are walking off the set. I am going to run back to my dressing room, and get your bag. Can I drop it at your dressing room? Will you be there?"

"Yes, I have some time before I'm due back out on set."

"Great, I'll see you in a few minutes,"

I knock on her door a few minutes later.

"Hi Jay," she says as she opens the door. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and she has sweat pants and a white v neck shirt on, which clearly shows the outline of her white bra. I feel my cock react to her sight. She has said just two words and my member is already to pounce. The more I stare at her the more I want her. It's painful to realize that I can't have her.

"Come in Jay, please. Don't mind the mess," she says as I step inside and she closes the door.

"Here's your stuff," I say awkwardly as I hand it all to her. "I don't know if that's everything, but it's what I have been able to collect up. If there is something missing let me know and I'll see if I can find it at the apartment."

"Thank you again, Jay," she says as she takes the bag from my hand and places it on the coffee table to the side of us.

"Of course," I half smile.

It's quiet for a moment. "How do you think shooting is going?" I ask trying to make small talk. I want to ask her what was going on with her in that last scene. I want to confront her with my suspicions.

"I think it's going well, Season Three is very different I have to say than the other seasons, but I am really enjoying it so far,"

"Me too," I reply.

It's quiet again for a minute. "Well, I better get going," I say. "You probably have some line memorizing you want to accomplish."

She looks down and nervously laughs lightly. "Yeah, I have quite a few pages."

"Well, guess I'll see you tomorrow,"

"Yes."

I place my hand on the door ready to open it. But I can't go leave just yet. I need to know what's in her head now after that scene."

"I can't go just yet." I walk back towards her. "I have to know Kristin," I beg.

"Know what?" she inquires with curiosity.

"The way you reacted to me in that scene we just shot. It was more than what was in the script. You let me in. Has something changed?"

"Jay….you are misreading things," she defends.

I walk towards her slowly and not intentionally, I back her into a wall. "I am not misreading things. You want me," I declare rather sure of myself. "Not him." I am inches from her face. She tilts her head up towards me unsure of how to respond. Her breath quickens. I slowly caress her cheek with my thumb. She parts her lips, like she wants to say something, but doesn't. She is too focused. She is staring into my eyes, unable to look away or say anything. I again feel the sexual tension growing between us. I quickly look down at her white shirt and observe that her nipples have peaked. I knew I didn't misread anything in the scenes we just shot or any of the other times. She wants me. I lick my lips. We are still staring at each other as if we are suspended in time. I tilt my head a bit, before shaking it slightly and raise my eye brows. "I am calling your bluff," I whisper.

I dive into kiss her and use my body to pin her up against the wall. As soon as my lips touch hers, they demand access to the inside of her mouth which she more than willingly gives it. Our tongues dance and she throws her hands into my hair, lightly tugging onto it. I break from the kiss just long enough to plant my lips on her neck and move one of my hands over to her breast. She tilts her head up further to give me more access. I move my mouth slow down the length of her neck. I feel her body responding to everything. Her body shivers in anticipation, as my lips touch her collarbone. I pull the shoulder of her shirt down before moving my lips closer to the top of her breasts.

"Jay—"she quivers. She takes her hand and slides it slowly down my body.

Before she can say any more I capture her mouth in another kiss.

She tugs on the jacket I'm wearing, trying to get it off of me. I chuckle to myself subconsciously knowing exactly how she feels. I help her get it off of me before I start on her. I tug on her shirt.

She willing throws it off along with her bra, before she comes in for another kiss. She deepens each new kiss.

My hand automatically comes up to play with her breast again. I squeeze her nipple in between my fingers before I take her other one in my mouth. She moans in response to my light sucking.

I can't take it anymore. My cock is begging for freedom now. Now that there is no question that she still wants me, I am not letting this go. But I can't help but ask her. "Are you sure?" I ask her almost panting. If she doesn't stop me now, I can't be responsible for what happens next.

She nods before pushing her tongue in my mouth again. I pick her up in my arms and bring her over to the couch on the other side of the room. I slide her sweat pants down, before freeing my cock from my pants. She's looking up at me, panting slightly. I look back down at her. She's glorious naked in front of me and she's perfect. I shake my head at her beauty and I wonder momentarily how in the world she ended up in my life.

"You are so beautiful, so perfect, and you are mine," I whisper as I lean down to kiss her.

"Jay—"she pants.

I push her legs open and quickly feel if she's ready. She's more than ready for me.

I slowly enter her and she cries out in satisfaction. I bring my lips to her ear and whisper again to her. "You. Are. Mine."

She turns around to face me grabbing the blanket with her. I touch her face. I sigh, "Do you know how beautiful you are? How perfect you are? You are every man's dream," I place my hand on her arm and caress it. "I love you." She blushes at my comment, before guiltily looking down.

"Are you okay?" I ask as I snuggle up closer to her, breathing in her essence. I really don't want to move from this spot. My body feels like it is home. I feel at peace for the first time in days. My whole world is lying in my arms, and I think for a moment that everything just might be okay between us.

"Honestly, I don't know Jay," she sighs again. "I need to get dressed and get out on set," She scotches off the couch and very deliberately grabs the blanket covering us, to cover herself up when she gets up. I am a bit perplexed, but I kind of have an idea about what is possibly going through her mind.

"Yeah, I should probably get going too," I reply as I start to slide my jeans on. I watch her from the corner of my eyes get dressed. Her body is so beautiful. Every single inch of her I am in awe of. I notice there is something different now about Kristin's body language, but I choose not to press her about it.

I walk over to her a kiss her cheek lightly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She nods, "Okay."

I don't hear from her from for the rest of the day. I have been racking my brain trying to decide if I should reach out. She looked so desolate before I left her, that I didn't want to leave her. I don't know exactly what was going on with her, but I do have a hunch. It's probably Eric if I had to guess. Kristin probably doesn't want to hurt him. I will give her space. I don't want to overwhelm her. We need to talk about what transpired between us today, but right now isn't the time. I just hope she's okay and that she knows how much she means to me and that I am not going anywhere and I won't give her up. After today though, there is not a doubt in my mind of her feelings for me. The way that her body was reacting to my touch and what we did, I can't imagine she is not feeling it too. We are going to be together and work this out. After that, all my doubts were answered the moment she cried my name, when she came for me. I will make this work and be the best father I can be to Eve. If Dianna feels that she needs to take Eve permanently to New Zealand, I will find some way to make it work. Dianna won't stand in our way.

I decide to text Kristin right as I slip into bed that night.

 _Today was wonderful. You complete me on so many different levels. I am always thinking about you. I hope you are okay. Talk soon._

I run my thumb over my phone screen trying to figure out if I want to say anymore to her before sending. I sigh, as I continue to type. _You know how much I love you. Good night._

I see that she starts to type something back, but then quickly stops. I don't hear from her before I fall asleep.

Chapter 6

The sun breaks through the blinds on my bed room window early the next morning. Even though I didn't hear from Kristin last night, I slept really well. I think it had a lot to do with what happened between Kristin and I yesterday. Since that first day that she left here, my body has been all out of whack. I've been sleeping like crap, my muscles feel tight, and my emotions for a guy, have been all over the place. But I feel refreshed and I am ready to move forward with her at all costs.

I slip on my pants just as my phone buzzes. My mind automatically assumes that it's Kristin. I answer it quickly before it stops ringing.

"Hello?" I answer without even looking at the screen to see who is calling.

"Hi Jay,"

"Oh hi Dianna," I say almost unable to hide my disappointment. "Is everything okay? Is Eve okay?"

"She's fine Jay, more than fine."

"What's up?" I ask walking over to the window to open the blinds and let the sun in. "How is Fiji?"

"Fiji is great. The weather is beautiful—but Eve misses you, so we are going to come back earlier, probably in another two or three days."

"Okay, sure whatever you guys want to do. Of course I miss Eve, and would love to see her sooner. Shooting just started so I can't go anywhere right now." I try not to give anything away to her about what's been going on with Kristin and me during the past few weeks.

"I know this may be premature, but have you thought about anything we have talked about? Have you made any decisions?"

I pause for a moment to think about how I actually want to reply to her. "I've given it some thought. I promise that we will talk about it when you come back to Toronto. I don't want to have this conversation on the phone."

"Fair enough, we will see you at the end of the week," she says before hanging up.

I hang up, already dreading the conversation, but knowing exactly what I am going to say to her. I've made my decision.

I quickly scroll through my recent calls and text messages and find that Kristin hasn't left me anything. I sigh in slight disappointment before I toss the phone onto the dresser and head for the shower.

I arrive at the studio later that morning. I still haven't heard from Kristin and I am starting to get concerned. I don't have any time to stop at her dressing room before shooting starts, so I settle for sending her another text message.

 _We need to talk. Can we meet up and discuss this after shooting is over?_ I send the message before I add another thought. _I don't care what time it is._

My phone buzzes a moment later.

 _You are right we do need to talk. I'll come find you after we finish shooting. I promise._

We are shooting separate today. I have to get into beast make up to do my entrance into the roof top and then I have to shoot some of the hospital scenes. Today is going to go by so slow. Even lunch, where we both will be will drag. I won't confront her in the middle of a shoot or even at lunch, where prying eyes can look or where Eric might be. That's one of the great things about the crew, they are professional. They all know Kristin and I are together, but they have never pried or have treated us any different than they normally would if we weren't together or if they didn't know. They all have always been very respectful of our relationship, _well, with the exception of one._ None of the crew has ever betrayed our trust or their loyalty on social media, even when there are constantly persistent fans always asking, or rather demanding.

When lunch does finally roll around mid afternoon, I decide to grab lunch and then take it to my dressing room, as I don't want Kristin to feel pressured by my presence. When I arrive to pick up some food, I notice that Kristin is sitting next to Eric and talking to him quietly. She is probably sitting about a foot away from him. I watch her for a moment, as I stand online. Her body language is off in my opinion. She is awkwardly twiddling her fingers, and she keeps shifting awkwardly. I wonder for a moment what they are talking about. I hope she's letting him down easy. I feel bad for him for a moment, but then my mind plays devil's advocate with me. _He took Kristin away from you._ He should've never even tried to get with her to begin with, especially so soon after what happened with Kristin and I. He would've never had a real chance, because Kristin's heart belongs to me, even before what happened in her dressing room, and there is no way, I am ever letting it go again.

I look over at her once more. She picks up her head and looks awkwardly over in my direction. I automatically smile at her. She quickly blushes before she turns away from me, in what I think is a bit of embarrassment. I smile to myself happily because like me, her body is constantly reacting to my presence.

I am in my dressing room wrapping up from today's scenes, when my phone buzzes. It's Kristin.

"Hi," I answer.

"Hi," she replies almost inaudible. "I am just heading out of the studio to the parking garage. Where are you at?"

"I'm in my dressing room," I pause, before I realize that she said we'd talk before she leaves and now she's in the parking garage?

"Oh, are you busy?" she inquires. "We can talk another time."

I smile at her obvious avoidance. "Not a chance. Can you meet me at the coffee shop in about twenty minutes? I just have to finish getting dressed."

"I guess so; I did promise we'd talk,"

"Thank you," I say before hanging up.

It was weird, that whole conversation that I just had with Kristin seemed very off for my liking. I wonder if I said something to make her upset, or if has something to do with work or her conversation she had with Eric today.

When I get to the coffee shop, she is outside waiting for me. She has two coffee cups in her hands. She's bundled up. Even though it's still technically summer, today has been a bit cold due to some heavy winds.

"Hi," I say as I lean over to kiss her cheek upon arrival.

"Hey," she smiles slightly. "I ordered you a coffee," she says as she hands me the coffee cup.

"Thanks," I say as I hold the door open. "Unless you want to stay out here?" I ask.

"No, it's okay, it is getting a bit chilly now, I just came out here to wait because I've been cooped up inside all day."

"You sure? I don't mind."

"Yeah, I'm good. I appreciate it though," she adds before walking inside.

She walks to the back of the coffee shop to a booth that is out of earshot to most of the other people. I pull the chair out for her.

"Always a gentleman, thank you."

I take my jacket off and get comfortable within my chair. She remains quiet for a moment, awkwardly looking at her hands, and occasionally peeking through her eyelashes at me.

"Are you okay?" I finally ask, as I reach over to grab her hands in mine. "You seem tensed up."

"I'm okay," she replies, before gently pulling her hands out of mine.

I relax a bit at her answer and feel I can press her a bit more. "I was worried. You never answered my texts last night after what happened, I was not sure what to think. You are the only woman who can drive me nuts by not answering my text messages or phone calls."

She nods in response. "Sorry about that,"

"It's fine, like I said, I was worried. Yesterday was incredible. God, I can't even describe it. You know what I mean? God, I can't, I won't ever let you go. I don't want to ever have to feel what I have felt these past few weeks when we were apart ever again. I don't know if I could survive it. When we came back together yesterday, it was as if everything that has happened in the last few weeks never happened, like we were never apart. It didn't matter anymore, it was meaningless."

"Jay—" she says.

"Kristin," I interrupt. "I am serious; I will do whatever you want. You want to get married and settle down? I am all for it. You want babies? Let's have a dozen. You want to stay permanently in Canada, I'll adapt to the winters. Whatever it is you want. I am yours. I want us to be happy and have that chance. I promise I will give you everything I have to offer and I promise to figure out a better solution to Eve and Dianna. I will be the best father I can to her wherever we are. But I can't give you up. I refuse." I sigh, "I truly believe in order to be the best father to my child that I can, that I need to be happy too," I look directly into her eyes. "You are what makes me happy. You are my entire world."

I take her hands and bring them up to my lips and slowly kiss each one of her knuckles. I look back up at her to see that tears are welling up in her eyes.

"Jay," she gulps, as she wipes the tears from her eyes. "Yesterday—Yesterday, was amazing. It was a moment out of time," she sighs and then sniffs. "It felt wonderful to have you hold me and touch me again."

I take my hand and wipe the tear that has fallen from her eye. "I want to hold you for the rest of our lives together," I half smile at her. "I don't have dreams, because my dream is sitting right in front of me."

"Please Jay, I can't take it. Let me please just get this out. I am begging you to stop making this harder than it is.

I am once again confused. What in the world does she mean?

"Yesterday can't happen again," she quickly blurts out." "It was a mistake."

"A mistake?" I frown slightly. "What? You don't mean that," I protest.

She sighs and looks down into her lap, "I do mean it Jay, I'm sorry."

"But you just said—"

"I know," she cries. "And I meant it. But that's all it can ever be is a moment. Nothing more than that, I shouldn't have ever let that happen. It was foolish of me to let it happen."

I still don't understand. "Kristin, us being together is not foolish. Your body told me everything that I needed to know yesterday. "

"Jay, I am with Eric, now!" She scrunches her eye brows. "I cheated on Eric. I took all his faith and trust he had in me and just threw it out the window yesterday. None of this is fair to him. He's been so good to me, and has taken care of me. I really do care for him, but the second you corner me, and touch me, I just willingly jump right back into old habits? What kind of person am I?" she asks.

"Kristin," I breathe. It never occurred to me that she wouldn't break up with Eric, especially after what we did in her dressing room. It never crossed my mind that she'd actually stay with him. I just assumed being who Kristin is that she was having a hard time breaking up with him because she didn't want to hurt him. "You didn't cheat on Eric," I pause for a moment to look into her eyes.

"Of course I did, Jay." She gives me a perplexed look before continuing. "The minute I let you back me into the corner in my dressing room, from that moment on I was cheating on Eric."

"Kristin, you've been cheating on me and your heart since the minute he came to your door that first day. It doesn't matter if we were technically together or not. You heart has never let go of us and I doubt that it ever will. What we share together is so precious and comes around once in a life time. We were lucky enough to be the ones who received this love. I still own your heart. Every day that you deny what we share and what could be, you are lying to yourself and ultimately cheating on your heart."

"It doesn't matter Jay what my heart feels, I made a promise to Eric and he's been wonderful to me. I owe it to him to see this through. He will never be you, but I care for him deeply, and I think I am starting to truly fall for him. Please give us this chance," she begs.

My heart sinks at her words. She is starting to fall for him? It pains me to even think of her sharing her life with anyone but me. I can't believe she's starting to fall for him.

"I think I could be truly happy with him," She pauses, "but we need a chance, a real chance. In order for us to have that chance, we, you and I need to put distance between us. We shouldn't be alone together anymore for one. We need to heal. I need to heal, and I can't do that with what we are doing now. Our wounds are still way too fresh. They are way too deep still."

I shake my head, "I won't give up on us."

"Jay, please, please, just let go. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me,"

"Kristin, I just can not be without you. I don't want to go back to those awful weeks." I search her face for silent answers. I can't process what she is telling me. So many emotions are written on her face. The glaring emotion to me is that it's killing her to say all this to me. I know she doesn't want to say any of this, but she feels like she has no choice.

"Jay," she wipes another tear from her eye before she continues. Her voice is hoarse. "You have a beautiful little girl who needs her father and her mother. She needs that bond of a real family." She sighs before she places her hand on my arm. "Why can't you try and give it another go with Dianna? Things could truly be different this time around."

I exhale sharply. "Dianna is a wonderful mother to Eve, but that is all she is to me and will ever be. She knows how I feel about you and that there is no competition. I will never go back to sharing a bed with Dianna, no matter what the pretense is. It's not fair to her, or to me. I will never look at her the way I look at you. I have never looked at her the same way since you fell into my life. And I have not shared a bed with her since the moment we stopped denying that pull between us."

"But what if you could be something?" she poses to me. "Maybe with time, you guys could truly be something special together. As long as I am in the way you will never give it the go that it deserves."

"Kristin, we had been honestly trying for years. It's never quite worked out or been our time."

"Now could be your time. Everything is different now. The last time you guys honestly gave it a go, Eve wasn't in the picture yet. Eve wasn't even in your immediate plans. She just happened. You guys were trying to work things out again, and it happened. But then we got together and you guys actually being a family never played out. I know how surprised you were by her arrival especially the timing of when Dianna got pregnant, so you've always wondered if Dianna got pregnant on purpose. I know you have always kept that thought in the back of your head."

She exhales again before continuing, "Whatever the case was, we will never know for sure, but despite all that, you have stepped up, loved her and been a wonderful father to Eve. You've done everything in your power to care of Eve and to make sure that she is happy."

"Of course I will. She's my daughter and I will always be there for her and love her regardless if we are together or not. I will make it work."

"But that's not the point Jay. Think about how much more of a father you could be to her if you guys were a real family. I am sure if you attempt it, Dianna will stay around with Eve." She licks her lips before looking up at me again. "You need to forget about me."

"I will never forget about you. It's as if you are encrypted into my DNA."

"Jay, I promise you, that you will always hold a piece of my heart. I will never deny that. But, this is what I want. What I need. I want you to be happy. I do believe that if you give yourself and Dianna an honest chance you, Eve and Dianna can be really happy together."

She touches my hand once more. "Please Jay, just try, for me."

Chapter 7

I have respected her wishes as best as I can. But it isn't easy. I still don't know how we ended up here. The past few days at the studio, she's been nothing, but professional with me. We barely have had even any small talk. I know she is just being cautious and doesn't want to take any chances with the obvious connection there is between us. It's been killing me, but I promised her, I'd give her the space she so desires and that I'd at least talk to Dianna.

I made a promise to myself that I would try to take it one day at a time. I don't see myself being able to get over her, but I will do my best to try and let her heal and just see where each day takes me. Even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes, the only thing I want for her is her happiness, even if it's without me.

The doorbell to my apartment rings. It must be Dianna as I am not expecting anyone, but her at some point today.

"Daddy!" Eve cries.

I lean down to pick her up. "My little girl, daddy has missed you so much." Just seeing Eve's face has brightened my day and made me let go a bit of everything from the last few days.

"Play, Daddy," she says as she points to her chest of toys on the other side of the room.

I chuckle and genuinely smile for the first time in days. "Okay, we will play, but let's first help mommy get inside." I push the door further open with my foot, before setting Eve down.

"Here give me your bags. Come in you, must be exhausted from your flight."

"The flight was worth it for the time we got to spend in Fiji. Eve loved Fiji. We will all have to go together sometime."

I nod. "Definitely. Maybe once shooting is over we can go." I quickly glance at the clock on the stove. "Are you hungry? It's almost dinner time. You can get settled and then we can go out to eat if you'd like."

"Sounds great, I'm starving. Let me just unpack a few things before we head out."

Dinner is filled with a lot of catching up, mostly how Eve was doing and how things were going for the studio. Dianna didn't even near the family issue during dinner, although, I could tell that she was getting anxious and wanted to know, but didn't want to seem overly desperate for an answer.

I finally decide to confront her with the issue. But before I can even get the words out of my mouth, I decide I should hold off and not have this discussion in a public place with our daughter present.

Dianna comes out of Eve's room a little after 10p.m. Eve has finally gone down for the night after fighting it for hours.

"Is she finally asleep?" I ask. I am standing at the counter in the kitchen drinking a glass of water.

"Hopefully, I am crossing my fingers," she laughs as she settles down on the living room couch.

"She's had quite a long day; I am surprised she fought it as long as she did."

"Me too," she replies.

Dianna reaches for the remote to the television when I stop her.

"You were pretty anxious during dinner," I press.

"I was?" she asks with a bit of surprise in her voice.

"I think so, and I am pretty sure I can guess why. You are waiting for an answer from me," I say as I sit down next to her on the couch.

She shifts uncomfortably to face me. "You are right, I would like an answer, but I don't want to push you the minute I walk into the door." She laughs, "I figured, that I would give you a day or two before pouncing,"

I laugh at her remark. "I appreciate it, but what's the point in delaying the conversation."

She nods in agreement, "This is true. So what have you decided then?" she inquires.

"I am not going to get into all the details right now, but Kristin and I have split. We are done. It was a very difficult decision, but it might be for the best, for everyone," I say to Dianna. I can't believe I said it out loud to her. I still don't believe it's the best decision, but I remind myself that I promised Kristin.

"Oh," Dianna says solemnly. She brings her hand up to my shoulder. "Jay, I am so sorry. Really I am."

I exhale and wonder for a moment if she really does feel sorry or if it's just been part of her ploy this entire time. I try to shove those thoughts out of my head. I've known Dianna forever and it's still hard to think that she might have been secretly hoping this entire time that Kristin and I don't work out. "I appreciate it, Dianna. I do," I mumble to her, looking down towards the floor.

I sigh again, "Look, I can't just turn my feelings off for Kristin, I love her, regardless of this break up, but hopefully with time, things can get better and I can truly let her go."

"No one expects you to just wake up one morning and be over her."

"I know, but I am ready to make an honest effort again, with you and Eve again if that's what you still want," I say to her. It kills me that I just said those words to Dianna. I don't want to be with her. I definitely feel as if I am settling for second best. I don't see it working out for us. If it was meant to work out for us, it would've worked out years ago.

"You are?" Dianna asks not believing what I just said. "You—You want to try?"

"I will. I am not saying, it's going to work, but we can give it a go again. I can't promise you that everything is going to be back to the way they once were tomorrow. I can't just hop into bed with you, if that is what you are expecting. We need to get to know each other again and start completely fresh. Take everything one day at a time and just see how it goes. I don't want to rush."

Dianna slightly parts her lips. "That's fair. I have no expectations from you other than you giving it an honest go and being the best father you can be to Eve. And so far, you seem to have done that."

I crack small smile. "Great. It's really great to have you back."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" she asks me once more to be sure.

I think for a moment. I know it's not at all what I want or how I saw my future playing out. Her words again flash through my mind. _It's for her._ If I can't have her, I'll do everything in my power to make her happy, and if that inadvertently means going back to Dianna and trying with her, I will do it. I just hope that she is truly happy with Eric. I do know that when the tough gets going and it may seem impossible that I will think of her and everything she has brought to my life.

I look up Dianna. "Yes, I am sure."

"Good. So then we are here to stay," she says as she genuinely smiles and then embraces me.

I send a text to Kristin before I go to bed. I want to let her know that I am trying to give Dianna and myself a shot. _Just want you to know, I talked to Dianna, we are going to give it a try._

She answers almost immediately. _Good. I hope everything works out. Please give it an honest try. You deserve to be happy._

I shake my head in response to her text, before replying. She really knows how to twist the knife that is in my heart. I respond, just as quickly back to her. _She will never be you._

Chapter 8

It's been weeks since the coffee shop. We are finishing our last day of shooting episode 5. The last few episodes have been hard and awkward to get through. She's completely closed me off, even when we are shooting. Her moves are very calculated now. Kristin is always tensed up now in our scenes. She has walls surrounding her. She never wants to give me more than what she needs to for a scene. She holds back a lot more now, even when we have to share a kiss, according to the script, she always quickly pulls back from it. I know it's because she wants to be in control and if she lets go even a bit in a scene, she knows that she will lose control. I can feel Kristin every day slowly building walls, and it's tearing my heart up.

Kristin and I don't talk that much outside of the studio. We are never really alone. Kristin has done everything in her power to maintain a certain amount of distance between us. She will do everything to make sure that she doesn't end up in the same position she was in her dressing room. It kills me how far she's recoiled from me and to see her happy with someone else is just another twist of the knife. The only thing that keeps me going day to day is Eve and reminding me that Kristin's happiness is more important than my own.

Dianna and Eve haven't left since they came back from Fiji. Dianna is really trying hard to be a family and to get more from me, but I just can't bring myself to want it. I feel awful because I promised Dianna that I'd try, but I can't. Every time I say to myself I'm going to try, I see Kristin's face flash through my mind and it stops me dead in my tracks. Dianna will never be able to replace Kristin.

I am waiting on set to get into place for the final scene of the episode, and the final scene of shooting for the day. I can't believe we start episode six tomorrow. The season is flying. Kristin arrives a few minutes later, along with some of the crew members and Eric. Within seconds of her entering the set, we lock eyes. She looks beautiful as always. She's wearing a leather jacket with jeans. I feel a tinge of jealous overcome me, as well as my cock swelling. I want nothing more than to beat him and then show him how much Kristin still belongs to me. Every time I see them together now, I feel like my heart just breaks all over again. I know Kristin isn't intentionally shoving him in my face, but it's still hard to see them together no matter where or when it is. Kristin automatically drops her hand that is clasped around Eric's hand the moment she sees me. She distances herself quickly from him.

We are called on set a few minutes later. We are on the Il Cantunccio set. I watch Kristin from the coffee counter get into position on the couch, taking note to how the jeans she is wearing, tightly grip around her ass. She leans back and opens the Ipad. I am handed to coffee cups to start the scene.

"Action!" Mairzee, the director calls out.

 _I walk over to Kristin with the two coffee cups in my hands. She looks up sheepishly before I even reach her_. _I can't help but smile at her. "I don't suppose you got those concert tickets, yet?" I say as I raise my eyebrows at her._

 _She looks up at me. "Concert tickets?" she says as if she doesn't know what I am talking about._ _She brings the Ipad up to her chest so I can't see the screen._

 _I push one of the coffee cups in between my arm and side to keep it from dropping, and take my hand and bring my now free hand to the top of Ipad pushing it away from her so I can see the screen._

 _She looks back down at the screen. "Oh, you mean on the 25_ _th_ _at the Garden, sixth row, center?" She smirks as she looks up at me. "Done," she says bringing her shoulders up in satisfaction of her accomplishment._

" _Really?" I ask in disbelief._

" _Really," she smiles back._

" _Yes!" I say, as I walk over to the chair that is facing her. I put the coffees down on the table, before sitting down._

" _See what happens when I'm not obsessed with things that go bump in the night?" she says as she closes the case to the Ipad. She sits up to get comfortable and face me._

" _I know," I say as I spread my hands apart and tilt my head a bit to the side, lifting my shoulders up at the same time. I continue, "but I think we should still be a little bit worried, considering. Especially now that we know whoever's behind it all was after me."_

 _She's looking at me contently. She tilts her head and her eyes widen. "Except, I don't think they know who you are, yet. It doesn't sound like Bob and Carol got a chance to tell them."_

" _Yes, but eventually they are going to figure it out. And when they do, then…"_

 _She cuts me off. Her face gets serious, "What, so now you're the worrywart now?"_

 _I could tell she almost laughed, calling me the worrywart._

 _She pulls her hands apart, as I reach to take a sip of my coffee. She starts moving her hands as she continues to speak. "What happened to not wanting the world's evils to overwhelm our lives?"_

 _I put my head down and bring up my left hand to motion her to stop. "Okay, I think you've enjoyed this separation thing a little bit too much," I half smile at her. I think quickly about how much I am not enjoying being apart from Kristin and how miserable I am without her. I wonder for a moment quickly if she knows or can sense how miserable I am. I wonder how she is feeling._

 _She smiles, and closes her eyes before opening them again, and nodding, "I admit, it was nice not having to save your primal hide for once."_

 _I smirk at her before looking down at my coffee in slight embarrassment._

 _Her face gets serious and she asks, "You really did that all on your own?"_

 _I nod, "Just like you got Carol all on your own." I smile again at her and lean towards her. I am inches from her face. Her essence is now overwhelming me. God, I want her. "Maybe there is hope for us yet." The last line I just said rings true. I hope that there is hope for us._

 _She slightly puckers her lips and leans in closer to me, taking my hands into hers. She looks up directly into my eyes and softly whispers, "Would you ever stop your heart for me?"_

 _I don't look away. I part my lips and sigh, "Every time I see you," A truth that also rings true even in reality for me. It doesn't matter where or when, the moment I see her, my heart stops for a moment._

 _She smiles quickly back at me bringing me back to reality, "Aww,"_

 _I lean into kiss her. Before I am even there, she's bringing her hands up to cup my face._

 _We kiss, but she barely opens her mouth. I want to slip my tongue in there, but I decide against it. I don't want to push my luck. I will just take what I can get. We kiss for a moment or so, before she pulls back. Her hands still on my face, and we are still staring into each others eyes._

"Cut!" Mairzee yells .

After the scene is over Kristin and I get together with Mairzee to go over a few minor tweaks to the scene. We watch the reply with her, and she decides that it's good enough and that we don't have to reshoot anything.

Kristin abruptly leaves the set after we are done speaking with Mairzee. Kristin didn't even stick around for any small talk with me. We normally at least have some kind of small talk before we end for the day. She has been doing that a lot lately. She doesn't hang out too much or for too long with the crew anymore, at least not when I am around. I know it's just because she's keeping her distance, but I have to wonder what really is going through her mind. I think she's keeping her distance not really because of Eric, but because she's afraid of what could happen between us. If I know her like I think I do, Kristin does not want to compromise herself or her relationship with Eric. It's too much of a risk for her. I have always admired and loved Kristin's strength and commitment to everything in life, especially to those she cares about and that are important to her, except for right now. Right now, it's a hard character trait to appreciate.

I drop my keys on the small table inside my apartment. I immediately smell food cooking. Dianna must be making dinner for Eve. I glance at my watch and realize that it is pretty late for Eve to be eating.

I walk into the kitchen. "Eve is only eating now?" I ask Dianna.

"Hi to you too," she says looking up from the cutting board. She throws the bread she just finished cutting into a small basket. "Eve already ate. She's in bed. I figured that I would make dinner for us,"

I am not comfortable with the tone of her voice when she said us. "Oh, you didn't need to do that," I smile. "I appreciate it, but it wasn't necessary,"

"You need to eat, Jay," she says sweetly. "Come, I set up a table in the living room. Can you just grab the parmesan out of the fridge?"

"Sure. I am going to grab a beer too. Do you want anything?"

"I have my wine already on the table."

I come out of the kitchen with the items in my hand, when I notice the living room. She's some lit candles, and has drawn the curtains. The lights are dimmed and she's decorated a small card table for us to eat on.

"What's all this?" I asked confused, as I take a seat in front of the card table. I motion to what she has done around the room. I sigh and look over at Dianna who finally takes her seat. I place my elbows on the table and intertwine my fingers together. "What's going on?" I ask.

"Will you just relax Jay and eat?" she asks nicely.

"Dianna, I can not just sit here and eat like there is nothing going on around me when there is obviously something." I've known Dianna too long to know that this isn't her style or way of doing things and she's done everything tonight for a reason. I am not sure what the reason is though.

She exhales deeply. "If you want to know I'll tell you,"

"Good," I smile.

She exhales again, "Remember a couple months ago, when you said that you were willing to try again?"

I nod, "Yeah, I remember." I wonder for a moment where she is going with this.

"From where I am sitting Jay, you haven't tried at all,"

I look at her in slight confusion and discomfort, trying to hide the agreement in my face. I know exactly what she's talking about, and I agree with her outlook of the situation. But I push forward acting as if I am clueless and as if I have been putting my best foot forward.

"What are you talking about Dianna? We are a family now. The family you want. What more do you want from me? I love having you both here."

"But Jay, that's all you have done. You have yet to make an attempt, a real attempt with us. Not the three of us, but the two of us."

"Dianna—" I say as I take a sip of my beer. I know exactly what she is talking about and I really can't deny it because she is right. "I'm sorry," I say. "But, I did tell you that I wasn't going to just get over Kristin just like that, and I did say that I couldn't just jump right back into bed with you." I sigh, "I just can't get her out of my head or my heart, no matter how hard I try."

She nods and slightly winces at my confession. She takes her hand to place it on my arm. "I understand that Jay, I get it, but you haven't even attempted anything with us. Right now, I am basically a roommate who takes care of your daughter."

"I am sorry you feel that way," I genuinely apologize. "It's so hard to get her out of my system. I feel like a recovering alcoholic in a way."

"I get it, and I am sorry too that she has this hold on you, that is constantly torturing you because you guys aren't together. But please, give us the honest chance you promised a couple months ago. We can never know what we could be, you and me and Eve if you don't honestly try and put your heart in it. So far, you haven't been putting your heart into it," she sighs sadly.

"What do you suggest we do?" I ask abruptly. "Everything we've done so far hasn't changed much, so how do we move forward. I do want to try for real. You are right; I do owe it to the three of us."

"We need to get that spark back, or at least try to get it back," she says. "That spark, or whatever it was between us that burned out when Kristin walked into your life,"

Dianna is right about that. But I would never call what Dianna and I had together a spark. It wasn't even close.

"Okay, so what do you suggest?" I inquire.

"I think we need to spend time really getting to know each other again. We need to spend quality time together, just you and me,"

I chuckle slightly and look up at her. "How do we do that with a baby?"

"Maybe we can go away somewhere together for a weekend, just you and me. I can call Reed to come and stay with Eve while we go. I think it'd be good for us."

I think about it for a moment. I don't feel comfortable at all with this plan, but I have to do something to make it seem like I am putting effort forward.

"Okay, if that's what you want to do, I am all for it," I sigh as I resign myself to the idea. "Whatever you want to do just let me know and we will do it, as long as I am not shooting."

"Great," she says. She looks up at me once more. "I promise Jay, you won't regret this chance."

I help Dianna finish cleaning up after dinner. We share some light small talk about our day. It's almost midnight by the time we finish cleaning everything up.

"Well, I am beat," Dianna says stretching her arms above her head.

"Me too," I agree. "It was a long day."

"I better get to bed before Eve gets up in a couple hours. Good night, Jay," she says before turning to leave the kitchen.

I sigh; I know that I better make a move to prove to her that I heard her tonight and that I am committed to making this work somehow. I grab her arm to spin her back to facing me. "Wait."

"What is it Jay?" she curiously asks.

I bring my hand up to her cheek and caress it lightly with my thumb. Dianna is looking up at me. "I just want to say thank you again for this chance." I lean into her to lightly kiss her lips. I don't give her too much, especially because I am not quite sure how she will respond to it. I hold the kiss for a moment, my body screaming the whole time that the kiss is just wrong. I break it quickly before anything further can happen. "Good night," I whisper before walking out of the kitchen, leaving Dianna standing there, still processing what had just happened.

Later that night, I am in bed alone and I am tossing and turning. I can't get that kiss out of my mind. I felt nothing from that kiss we shared, other than awkwardness. It felt every bit of a betrayal to my heart and to Kristin. I honestly have no clue how I am going to press forward with Dianna, if a simple kiss feels off. I don't know how to honestly try, when my heart and mind won't even attempt to let Kristin go. To me, it's just another sign that we are meant to be. I will always love Dianna, to the extent that she is Eve's mother, but that is all. I look at her now more as a sister or close family friend. But I know I have to give it somewhat of a go before I lose Eve too.

"So how is it having Dianna and Eve back full time?" Austin inquires as he takes a chug of his beer.

"I love having Eve back. I love seeing her every day. I can't get over how smart she is and how quickly she picks up on new things. It's nice being able to not miss those important moments because she's thousands and thousands of miles away. It's true what they say; they do grow up so fast."

"So then you are happy with the decision you made?"

I look down solemnly, not wanting to admit it that I'm not happy and that I'd do anything to have Kristin back.

"Jay, you know I have your back. You can tell me."

"Honestly man, I don't know. I don't think it was the best choice. I feel like I am settling for second best. Whatever I do, I can't get Kristin out of my mind. Everything I do with Dianna as a family or in any relationship capacity, feels like a betrayal to Kristin in someway. To make things even more complicated, Dianna asked for a weekend away together, to really try and work on things between us."

"Really?" Austin asks? "Are you going to go? I am surprised by Dianna's request, but at the same time, I'm kind of not."

I resign myself. "Honestly, I am not surprised either," I admit.

Austin chuckles slightly, before getting serious. "Kristin has some definite hold on you, bud. It's obvious to everyone. You guys aren't physically together, but despite that it's like your souls still are."

I raise my eyebrow at Austin and his comment. I can't help but chuckle at his softer side. He obviously believes in happily ever after, at least to the extent for Kristin and me.

Austin shakes his head before continuing. "I can only imagine how you are feeling when you see Kristin on set, especially with Eric."

I surprise myself a laugh lightly. "Yeah, I am torn between beating the crap out of him or just taking Kristin and proving to him how much she belongs to me." I finish the last of my beer, before continuing. "What makes everything like ten times worse is that charge that has always been us, I still feel it every single time we are together, or I see her. All we have to do is lock eyes and there it is. That charge makes it very hard to try and move on."

"I can only imagine," Austin replies, as he hands me another beer.

"I have to wonder what she's feeling right now. I wonder if she's feeling the same torture every day with moving forward that I am. There is no doubt in my mind that she wants to be with me, that she still loves me, and Eric is just a placeholder, someone that she is with so she can hide behind her feelings for me, while she tries to move on. If I know her like I think I do, this is just really all about taking herself out of the equation to give me a chance at being a family with Dianna."

"That sounds like Kristin," Austin states.

I sigh solemnly. "I just wish I could convince her that we can make this work and that she isn't standing in the way. Kristin is my choice," I declare. "She is worth whatever I have to go through to have her in my life."

"Have you talked to Nina?" I ask hopeful. Her and Kristin have become more than good friends since we started shooting the show, so maybe Kristin has spoken to Nina about what is going on in her head.

"Honestly, she's been pretty mum on the whole situation. Not exactly sure how much she knows. I think she knows the basics, but I don't know how in depth Kristin has been with her."

"Man, I am dying over here," I slowly confess. "I will take anything. Has Nina said anything to you at all?"

Austin sighs. "All she has said is that Kristin isn't herself, especially when it's the two of them. That infectiousness vibe Kristin is always giving off, she said, she barely sees it anymore. She says it's almost as if Kristin is just going through the motions. She also thinks Eric is just a distraction for her. She doesn't think that Kristin truly believes that it will last. Nina thinks that Kristin is still and always will be in love with you." He frowns, "I wish I could tell you more, but that's all I know, and it is all only is Nina's observations."

Austin pretty much just confirmed everything that I was wondering. Everyone around us could still see the obvious connection we have. What did I have to do now, to convince her?

"So what do you plan to do?" Austin questions, before continuing. "From the way I see it, you are living a lie, and if you really want to be with Kristin and you can figure out a way to make the situation work, you need to fight for her. Do whatever it is that you have to do to win her back."

Austin hesitates for a moment before he speaks again. "The only thing that might be standing in your way is what you are going to do about Eve." Austin bites his bottom lip. "Are you ready for Dianna to get up and run with Eve? Are you ready for her to take complete custody of her? She could very easily win custody if she wanted to. You know that she has the upper hand here. Dianna has every opportunity to be vindictive and selfish about this whole situation, especially since, if you look at it from her point of view; you never tried at all to move on. She may make it impossible for you to ever see Eve or ever have some any kind of relationship with her. Are you prepared for that?

I think for a moment before answering. I still find it hard to believe that Dianna would ever put me in a situation like that. I love Kristin so much, as well as Eve, but I don't want to make any decisions that I'll regret later. Eve is my daughter, and I need to make sure I at least do everything in my power to commit to her as well, even if Dianna makes it difficult.

"Honestly man, I need to figure out a way to show Kristin how dedicated I am to both her and Eve that she believes enough to risk her heart with me again. I don't even know what it's going to take," I sigh and look down at my hands, "And after everything I've been through the past few months and how my heart has been smashed over and over again, I'm not exactly sure what I am prepared for."

Dianna planned our weekend getaway within two weeks of us discussing it. She booked a cabin in the mountains, so we could have more isolation from the outside world and distractions. She also thought we could spend some time hiking and taking in some of the scenery. She thought the change of scenery from the city would do us some good. She immediately flew Reed in to watch Eve for the weekend. I wasn't crazy about leaving Eve for the weekend, but I promised Dianna this weekend and at this point, what do I have to lose? She is eager to get out of town and try to start anew. I could tell she was desperate to help me get Kristin out of my head.

I honestly tried my hardest to be in the moment with Dianna when we went away, but it did little. I couldn't get Kristin out of my head. When Dianna and I hiked or had sat out by the fire at night, I'd hold her hand, put my arm around her or kiss her cheek, but it always just felt so off and awkward. I tried being some kind of partner to her, trying to get to really get to know her again and to see if we could recapture anything, but I couldn't bring myself to fully put my heart into it. Every time I thought of Kristin during the weekend, I physically and emotionally pulled away from Dianna. I don't think she noticed how off everything felt. She was so desperate to get anything from me, that the little I did give her, she felt like she was making progress. She was not pushing anything more onto me. I don't think we made any progress, but I didn't really care at this point. I just needed to get to the point with Dianna that she won't take Eve and run. I have already lost Kristin and I refuse to lose Eve as well.

We arrive back at the apartment late Sunday night. Reed is sitting on the couch reading a book as I drop our bags inside the door.

Reed closes her book and looks up. "How was your weekend away?"

Dianna closes the door before she answers, "It was good. It was beautiful, the weather, the cabin, the mountains, it was wonderful, and definitely much needed. Thank you for staying with Eve this weekend."

"How is she?" I interrupt.

"She's been an angel all weekend. I love spending time with her. She's been sleeping for a couple hours now."

"Great. Thank you again Reed," I say. "I'm going to go peek in on her. I'll be back in a few." I say as I walk down the hallway to Eve's bedroom.

I quietly open the door and close it as soon as I am inside her room. I walk over to Eve who is peacefully sleeping. I stare at her for a minute. I still can't believe that she is my daughter. I will always be grateful to Dianna for her. I brush my fingers across Eve's forehead. "I honestly have no idea what I am going to sweetheart. Daddy loves you so much. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you," I sigh sadly. "Mommy really wants to be a family, a real family, but Daddy's heart isn't in it. I want your mommy to be happy, but I think she's looking in the wrong place for happiness. If I continue on lying to myself and to your mom, and just keep on going the way things are neither of us are going to be truly happy." I sigh again in agony. "I promise you my beautiful princess that no matter what happens I will always be in your life somehow. I will never let you down, no matter where I am, or where you are." I shake my head. "Once mommy figures out that we are going in a different direction than she wants no matter what we do to prevent it, I don't know what she's going to do. She will probably take you back to New Zealand if I had to guess." I lick my lips. "I think she is very bitter over us and over my relationship with Kristin. I just hope one day she will be able to move on and find some happiness. I love you princess," I smile as I lightly kiss her forehead and pull her blanket up, before exiting her room.

Chapter 9

We have two more days of shooting episode seven. I can't believe that we are half way through the season. It breaks my heart how far apart Kristin and I are right now. Every day on set with her is a struggle. It's a struggle to maintain my composure with her, it's a struggle to get through our Vincent and Catherine scenes, because she is still noticeable pulling away both physically and emotionally. The biggest struggle is seeing her with Eric. She's still very cautious of how she acts around Eric on set, but it's more than obvious to everyone that Eric and her are more than just friends. I don't know if people are paying as close attention to their relationship as I am, to know how serious they actually are.

For the first time in what seem like a while, Kristin walks out on set alone. I immediately take note that Eric is no where in sight and that I actually haven't seen him all morning anywhere in the studio. At this point, I am hoping he doesn't make an appearance at all. Kristin seems mellow this morning, and relaxed. I take the opportunity to approach her and feel her out, especially since the scene we are about to shoot is in my opinion, an intimate conversation that Vincent and Catherine have. I hope she's in the right mind frame for it. I debate for a moment how I want to start up the conversation with Kristin. Even a simple conversation between us now can become awkward.

I sit down next to her, making sure to leave a few inches between us as not to make her uncomfortable, "How was the baseball game the other day?" I inquire, referring to the baseball game she attended with Eric.

She looks over at me and smiles, "It was great, but it was extremely hot in the stands. I can only imagine what the players were feeling like." She looks down awkwardly at her feet before turning her face towards me again. "How's Eve?" she asks. She cracks a small grin, "How's Dianna?" she asks before I can even answer her first question. Her face becomes long, and her eyes become sad. "Are they still here? How's everything going?" she whispers sadly.

I cringe at her questions. Does she really want to know how Dianna is and if Dianna and Eve are still here? I don't understand why she is asking me. Does she want me to ask her about Eric? Or is she asking because she wants to know if I've moved on from her.

"They are still here, for now at least. Things aren't really working out for us like we thought they should," I confess. "I am happy to have Eve around and being able to be actively involved in her life, but when it comes to Dianna and I, we have more or less remained stagnant. I am not really sure how she feels about it. I think she thinks progress is being made between us, but to me, I feel like we aren't even close to moving forward."

"Oh," she acknowledges softly.

Before she is able to say anymore, I ask her about Eric. "How's Eric doing?"

"It's okay Jay, you don't have to ask, I know how you feel about him," she replies before looking away.

I sigh, "Kristin, I want you to be happy even if it's without me, I do want to know if everything is working out for you guys. Plus, he's not here today, which is unusual so I just wanted to make sure everything is okay."

"He's fine, Jay. He just has a cold." Kristin sneezes lightly, before taking the tissue out of her pocket. "Which I think I'm getting too," she says, as she lightly wipes her nose.

They are ready for us to get into position on set a few minutes later. We are in Vincent and Catherine's apartment, doing the final Vincent and Catherine scene of the episode. I sit down on one end of the couch, as Kristin sits on the end of the other. Some of the crew members hand us a couple glasses of what is supposed to be wine.

"Is everybody ready?" Norma, the director asks.

Kristin and I both nod. "We are ready when you are," I say.

She nods in our direction, and a minute later she yells "Action!"

 _The fire is crackling in the back ground. I am staring at Kristin my elbow resting on top of the couch, just admiring her beauty. She brings me out of the small trance I am in with the first line._

" _I can't believe I almost lost you," she frowns. Her pupils dilate a bit as she says her line_.

 _A tinge of pain shoots through my chest as she says those lines at the reality of the situation between us. She's miles away from me._

" _What's new?" I reply, grasping onto my glass._

 _She looks away from me and starts nodding her head slightly. "Yeah, but this time, it was different." She looks back at me, her eyes widening. "Julianna was going to kill you, and there was nothing that I could do but watch it happen."_

 _I tilt my head slightly towards her, "but it didn't happen,"_

 _You will never lose me, I think to myself quickly. I will always be right here._

 _Kristin tilts her head and looks at me softly, a look that I have to wonder for a moment if she knows the thought that just went through my head. She frowns slightly and looks down into her wine glass. "I just kept thinking about you dying—" She looks quickly back up at me before continuing, "Us dying, without ever getting a chance to get married."_

 _I look up at her, "Well, it's a good thing we didn't elope, then, right?"_

 _She smirks at me, "Yeah, it is. My parents, they, uh…they didn't romanticize their wedding the way yours did. She quickly looks down, before looking back up at me to smile._

 _I stare for a moment into the glass. "Oh, well, you know, everybody's different, you know? Doesn't mean they didn't love each other." I sigh quietly to myself and think for a moment again how far apart Kristin and I are right now. I can feel the tension between us. It hurts to even look at her. I feel my vulnerability growing towards her, and I know that if Kristin pushes me any further away or recoils from me again in this scene, I might not make it through the scene. I wonder for a second if Kristin even notices._

 _Kristin pulls me back to the scene. "No, I know. And they did." She smiles at me, before looking down again, her eyes growing in size, "It wasn't until it hit me that we might not get a real wedding that I realized that I might want one," she finishes looking straight into my eyes. She smiles bringing her shoulders slightly upwards._

 _I turn my head quickly. "Do you?" I ask_

 _She nods and then looks down and back up. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."_

 _I look away from her in a bit of disbelief._

 _She looks back towards me. "Especially after everything we've been through to get here, against all odds"_

 _I nod slightly before answering at the irony of the lines. After everything we've been through, Kristin and I over the past two years, we deserve to be together and find happiness. I almost say my thoughts out loud before quickly remembering that we are still shooting._

" _I don't want to lose you, without celebrating what we have together." She sighs deeply, "I want to marry you, Vincent Keller, and treasure those memories forever," she genuinely smiles._

 _I lean over to get closer to her, before whispering, "I love you."_

 _She gets closer, "I love you too."_

 _I hope she really knows how much I love her. I pucker my lips slightly to kiss her. She barely puckers them in return. We kiss once and she pulls back slightly, but not long enough for me to bring my lips back to hers and kiss her softly again. I open my mouth slightly and try to persuade her to open hers more and let me in. I try to hold the kiss for a minute, taking in her taste and warmth of her lips, but she pulls away from me again quickly._

Norma yells cut, and within a minute we are back to reality. Norma wanted us to make some slight changes, so we had to do parts of the scenes over again. Each take we did of the scene, I felt Kristin slowly pulling farther away. Every time I think that she can't or won't pull away from me any further, she always does.

Every day since Dianna and I have come back from our get away, I feel like it has become more awkward then it was the day before between us. I don't know how Dianna doesn't feel it. I have to wonder if she is that delusional about us that she really believes that we are on the road to happily ever after. Each day, I regret more and more going on that getaway with her. I would go as far to say that going on that getaway made things worse for us. I am kicking myself with regret every time I think of the mistake I made. I've been racking my brain for weeks now trying to fix it. The only way, I think I can even begin to fix it, is to tell Dianna the truth again. I don't know how she's going to take it, but it's time that I be honest and just let her do whatever she has to do, and take whatever it is she wants to dish at me.

I exhale sharply, before I step into the apartment, after another 16 hour day at that studio. _Well here goes nothing._ I dreaded the ride home from the studio, because of the fact that I finally made the decision to tell Dianna exactly what I am feeling. I can't push it off any longer. I have no idea how she is going to take it, but it needs to be done.

"Hey," Dianna says from the kitchen. "How was your day?"

"It was fine. Long," I chuckle a bit. "What else is new?"

"Are you hungry?" she asks.

I step into the kitchen and lean next to the counter that Dianna is at preparing dinner. I look down quickly, nervous and a bit scared at the same time. "Not really," I answer, not looking at her.

"Seriously, you aren't hungry at all? I made some of your favorites."

I ignore her momentarily. "Where is Eve? Is she sleeping?"

Dianna nods. "She's been out for most of the night. I think she is coming down with something."

I look at Dianna, a look of worry briefly covers my face. "Is she okay? Have you scheduled her to see her doctor?"

"Jay," she says in comfort, touching my arm. She moves closer to me. "She is fine. She will be okay. It's just a cold. Relax." She gives me a small smile.

"Do you want to go see a movie or something over the weekend? I can see if I can get someone to sit for Eve for the night? There is a movie out that I want to see," Dianna inquires.

I can't take this small talk between us anymore. All I am doing is beating around the bush and delaying the inevitable.

"Dianna, we need to talk," I say in serious, not looking at her.

She quickly looks up at me her face full of concern. "Jay, are you alright? What is it? What's wrong?"

I shake my head, and exhale sharply. "This isn't easy for me to say. I've been agonizing over this for weeks now." I quickly glance into her eyes. They are full of concern. I know I need to just get this out, but I am having increasing difficulty in getting the words out of my mouth. "Ever since we went on the getaway to the mountains a few weeks ago, everything has felt so off between us. I think going away made things worse between us." I touch my tongue to the roof of my mouth before continuing. "Everything that is going on between us has seemed off and forced, awkward. Please Dianna, tell me you feel something towards that affect going on between us."

She shakes her head no. "No, Jay, I have no idea where you are coming from. It sounds like you have the polar opposite opinion of what I have been feeling, especially the past few weeks." She puts the knife down that is in her hand, and starts slowly pacing the floor in the kitchen, as if she's unsure how to proceed. "I never expected us to be this little happy family overnight. I didn't even expect it to happen right after we came back from the weekend away." She runs her hands through her hair. "But I truly believe, or at least I thought we were making some progress. How have I been that far off?"

"Dianna, you've been wonderful. You've done everything to try and make this work. You've been a wonderful mother to Eve. You ARE a wonderful mother," I correct. I walk closer to her. I grab her arm, as she tries to turn away from me to hide her tears that are beginning to form. I sigh in regret. I hate hurting Dianna. She deserves to be happy. Right now, I know better than anyone else what it's like to be in love someone and still have a broken heart. "Please, Dianna, look at me,"

Dianna barely turns her face to look in my direction. She wipes her tears quickly from her face.

I sigh deeply again. "Dianna, sometimes things aren't meant to be. No matter what I do, I can't commit the way you want me to or need me to," I confess softly. "I've tried. I hate hurting you after everything we've been through in the last 15 years, but what good is it for either of us, or Eve for that matter, continuing on, living this lie?" I ask. "You deserve to be happy with someone, but you know as well as I do, if you are really truly honest with yourself, that I am not that person."

Dianna sniffs, and exhales shakily before grabbing a napkin off the counter to wipe her face. She pushes her hair behind her eye and looks up at me. "This is about Kristin still isn't it? You still want to be with her. You are still in love with her, aren't you?"

Dianna knows all too well how I feel about Kristin. I've wanted Kristin since the moment she walked into the chemistry read that day, and I've never once, not even for a moment have ever stopped wanting her. Dianna recognized the connection immediately. I debate how I am going to reply to her for a moment before answering, but realize that it's just better to be honest. "Yes," I admit. "I love her and I want to be with her. Every fiber in my body aches for her, longs for her," I add. "Every day that we are apart, it's just slow torture to my heart," I confess. I immediately regret getting so descriptive with Dianna about Kristin when I look up into her eyes.

"I don't understand Jay how you could do this to us?" Her face turns from sorrow to anger. "I mean did you actually ever even try to make us work? Did you really give it the honest go that I asked you to give it? Or has it been just this whole time, you are telling me what I want to hear, but never really committing to it?"

Her face relaxes for a moment, and she raises her eyebrows slightly. I see her face change as it looks like she had a moment of realization.

"Wait," she says in anger, raising her hand up towards me. "This whole thing has been about manipulating me." She looks down and then walks closer to me almost inches from my face. "About manipulating me, and using Eve."

"Dianna—" I say, hoping to stop her from saying something she will regret later.

"Don't Jay—" she replies as she backs away from me. "That is exactly what this is about. You couldn't risk me taking Eve away from you. You knew that I would take Eve back to New Zealand far away from Toronto, if you didn't make some kind of effort for us. You couldn't risk that. You know I hold all the cards when it comes to Eve's well being and custody."

"Was everything I lie?" she spits. "I mean did you and Kristin even ever truly break up? Or have you two been sneaking around this entire time?" Dianna smirks, "Guess the joke is on me, right?"

"No!" I almost yell at Dianna. "I honestly tried for months, maybe not as hard as I could've the first few months, but after we had that talk a few weeks ago, I tried to put my heart into it. I truly did."

"Just stop Jay, because all you are doing is making it worse." She sighs, "I can't believe I was that stupid and naïve, to ever think we had a chance again," she says as she again wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Dianna, please—" I say as I walk over to her again. "I am sorry for hurting you, and leading you on,"

She automatically pulls away and steps back from me. "I need to get out of here. No, we need to get out of here," she corrects. "Eve and I don't belong here. We need to go." She says shakily as she continues to let tears roll down her cheek. She exits the kitchen as heads towards her bedroom. I follow her.

"Dianna, please wait. Don't go, especially now."

She's rummaging through her drawers. "Why Jay? Please give me just one good reason why we should stay?"

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

"That's a great reason," Dianna snaps. "The only reason, you want me to stay is because of Eve. You don't want to lose Eve." She sighs, "Eve can't be the only reason I stay." She shakes her head before closing the drawer. "Besides, you are in love with Kristin, she's all you need," Dianna adds bitterly with a bit of sarcasm. "You can take comfort with her. She will help you get over this."

"That isn't what this is about. I am worried for your well being right now, with how angry and upset you are at me. I don't want you to do something that you are going to regret."

"Stop acting like you care Jay," she sarcastically spits.

"God, Dianna," I say raising my voice and throwing my hands up in the air. "I do care you about you and if you think for one moment that I don't at least care after everything we've been through together, then I have been the one that's been wrong and I don't know you at all."

"We just need to go," she stubbornly says. She enters Eve's room and picks up Eve from her crib and settles her down onto her shoulder. Eve stirs a bit as she settles into Dianna's arms. "Eve," she whispers softly into her ear, caressing her short black hair. "Wake up, you need to say good bye to Daddy,"

Eve peeks through her eyes. I could already tell she was trying to just get back to sleep after being woken up by Dianna. "Bye, Daddy," she says almost barely audible. I know she has no idea what's going on right now and she probably wants to just get back to sleep.

I run my fingers across her cheek and lean in to kiss her cheek. "Love you princess. I'll see you soon."

"Love you, Daddy," she mumbles before turning her face into Dianna's neck and closing her eyes.

"You don't need to do this Dianna," I say as a last attempt to keep her from running.

"No, I do," she says. "I'll be over in the next couple of days to get the rest of our things and for you to say goodbye to Eve. I am going to make arrangements tomorrow for Eve and I to go back to New Zealand as soon as possible."

I grab her arm before she leaves. "I don't blame you at all, and you do what you have to do, but you won't keep me from Eve. I will be in her life."

"Let me know how that works out for you," she says as she slings the bag over her arm and heads out of the apartment.

Chapter 10

It's Monday morning. I haven't slept all weekend. I feel like I've lost everything. Not only do I not have Kristin in my life, but now Dianna has taken off with Eve. I feel hopeless and have no idea what way to even go. I haven't contacted Dianna all weekend. I know there isn't much sense to even bother. I just need to give her some space. As angry and hurt as Dianna may be right now, I don't think she'd leave Toronto without at least letting me say goodbye to Eve. I hope Eve is okay, wherever they are.

I am coming out of makeup at the studio walking rather briskly and not in the least bit paying attention, when I accidently bump into someone. I look up quickly to apologize. "I am so sorry—" I say, as I realized who I've bumped into.

"Jay—" Kristin whispers.

"Kristin, I'm so sorry," I reply genuinely. "My head has been all over the place for a few days. I am sorry for not paying attention."

Kristin's face softens towards me as if she can tell that something is on my mind and bothering me.

She steps closer to me and lightly places her hand on my arm, her hazel eyes staring into mine. "What's wrong Jay? Are you okay? You seem so far away. You seem shaken up," She looks me up and down before adding, "Please don't lie to me. I know you," she pleads.

I sigh to myself. Even though we aren't together, she still knows me well enough to know that something is off. She can still see right through my body language, and right into my heart. I don't want to burden her. "It's nothing," I say. "It'll work itself out."

"Jay, for my sanity, please do not lie to me," she begs. "I want to help you if I can."

I sigh resigned, "Dianna took off with Eve on Friday. I haven't heard from her since then. She won't even answer my calls. It's driving me out of my mind."

"What?" Kristin asks in shock. She then pauses for a moment. "It's because of me, isn't it?" she says calling me out on my feelings.

"Yes," I confess abruptly, not even trying to lie about it.

"Oh Jay," she says sadly. "I am so sorry." She turns away from me as if she is ashamed.

I immediately pull her back. She's looking down at the floor. "Hey," I say as I pick her chin up so she is looking at me. I stare into her eyes for a moment. It's killing me that she thinks this is her fault. I see the pain written all over her face. My heart breaks a little more at her pain. "This is not your fault. You have nothing; I repeat nothing to be sorry for." I lick my lips as I continue to stare at her, not breaking eye contact with her. "Dianna and I were never meant to be. We can't force things that aren't meant to be."

"Jay, it isn't that simple," she replies.

"Kristin, please don't worry or feel this is your fault. It's not. Things will work out. You've done everything in your own power to give Dianna and I a chance at something, but it was never your responsibility to do that. Like I said some things are just not meant to be."

"Is there anything that I could do? You lost your little girl indirectly because of me." She sighs and looks away from me. "It's the one thing that I was trying to prevent from happening. I have messed everything up," she cries.

It is taking all my willpower to not take Kristin into my arms right now and soothe her. I know she's in pain, because of what she thinks she set in motion. I wish I could make her understand that it's not her fault.

"I am really sorry Jay, how much I've screwed up your life," she solemnly apologizes.

She just needs to stop, I can't take this anymore. She's tearing me to shreds right now.

I look down at her again and then into her eyes. I take her hands in mine, at this point not even caring who might be watching. The more I stare into her gorgeous eyes, the more I get lost in them. I so badly want to kiss her and comfort her. "Kristin, I know you don't want to hear this right now, but you are the only thing in my life that has ever made any sense or that has felt completely right, from the very beginning and has never once been or has felt anything, but wonderful." I can't even say that regarding Eve, because she was such a surprise.

"I can't do this Jay. I am sorry." She says as she lets go of my hands and turns around and almost runs in the opposite direction.

Tuesday morning there is knocking on my apartment door that gets me out of bed. It's early, not yet 8 a.m. The knocking continues as I toss my shirt on and head for the door. "I'm coming," I say as I finally get to the door.

"Yes?" I start to say as I open the door to see Dianna and Eve standing there.

"Dianna," I say. "Are you here to let me say goodbye to Eve, before heading off to New Zealand?" I ask cautiously. I am surprised to see her at my door.

She smirks a bit, before answering. "Sort of."

I look over at Dianna before answering, and realize she's relaxed it bit, and her mood has definitely changed onto to the positive side since she left here Friday."

"May we come in?" she asks unsure of what my answer is going to be.

"Of course," I say as I open the door further to let them in.

Dianna settles Eve down in the living room with one of her favorite cartoons and a few toys to keep her occupied. We move in the kitchen, so we don't interfere with Eve's cartoon. Everything seems to be going okay so far between us. Dianna seems to have mellowed out quite a bit over the last few days.

"Jay, I was wrong," she starts out.

"Wrong?" I ask in a bit of confusion.

"I was too hasty with the things we did and said on Friday, before I left. I am sorry."

"Dianna, you really have nothing to be sorry about. All your actions were understandable. It's not really like I can blame you. You have every right to be angry with me."

"Jay, I am angrier with myself, than anything. I've done a lot of thinking about this since Friday night."

I look at her in slight confusion, as I wait for her to continue.

"The truth is, as hard as it is for me to admit it, but we were, or rather I was trying to force something that ended a long time ago."

"You just wanted us to be a family, or at least have that chance."

"I did," she admits, "but honestly, after thinking about everything over the past few days, you, me, Eve, us, I've realized that everything I tried to push regarding us was coming from a place of bitterness on my part. Even in the beginning when you and Kristin first got together, everything I did to bring Eve back and forth and what not was all done in secret hopes of being in your good graces and that eventually you would see what we share."

I continue to listen to her confession. I still can't let her take all the blame here, even though she just confirmed what I've been thinking for months.

"I was bitter that you chose her over me, over the family that we could've had. You have never looked at me the way you look at Kristin. All our years together has nothing on that connection you have with Kristin."

"Dianna, I never wanted to hurt you. It was never my intent on falling in love with Kristin."

She nods, "I know that now. My bitterness, and jealously, that I've held for so long, have only made matters worse. I thought that you would choose me, because we do share something that you don't share with Kristin. I was wrong to use Eve as bait. Looking back on everything, I've done I am so ashamed of myself."

"It just wasn't your fault. I played a part in all this too."

"You know, thinking back to the few months we were trying to work it out, you seemed so lost, so distant from everything. You weren't happy at all and it's my fault."

"It's not your fault that Kristin and I—"

"Jay, it absolutely is my fault. If I had not been so insistent on being a family and dishing out ultimatums, you and Kristin would still probably be together. She did the right thing, from what you have said. She gave up her love, her happiness, so you could have the family you deserve. That was my fault. I am so sorry that I let things get so out of control."

I smile at her. "Dianna, I want you to know, that I will always love you, because of our history and because you are Eve's mother. You have given me the most precious gift that one person can give another. I will always be grateful to you for her. You will always be family to me. I mean it." I sigh as I reach to touch her arm. "I want you to find happiness with someone. You deserve the very best and for someone to love you as much as you love them. That is all I ever want for you. And I am really sorry if I led you on, especially the past few months."

"Thank you, Jay. It means a lot to me. It really does."

It is quiet for a minute before I break the ice. "So does this call for a cease fire between us?"

She genuinely smiles back at me. "I think so."

"Are you going to stay in Toronto?" I ask.

"No, we are going home."

I frown at her confession.

"It's not forever. I promise we will be back. I will still bring Eve back and forth so you can spend time with her. You shouldn't have to miss out on her childhood because of shooting restraints. Also, like you said once, it's easier for me and when you can please come and see us in New Zealand too. But our home is New Zealand, and that's where I'd like to be. I won't keep you from Eve, I promise. You do what you have to do and everything will work out. I also promise I will not stand in your way of your relationship with Kristin. If you guys want to married or settle down or whatever, I promise I will be the biggest cheerleader. I owe you guys at least that much."

I sadly look down as I twiddle with my fingers. "I don't know if there is any hope there right now for Kristin and me. We are pretty far apart right now, with things only seemingly getting worse each day. We've got a long road ahead of us."

Dianna's face softens. "Is there anything that I can do to help?" she asks. "This whole thing is my entire fault; the least that I can do is offer my help to help you fix it."

"I appreciate the offer, Dianna, I do, but it's a lot more complicated. Especially since Kristin is with someone else now."

"It doesn't mean you can't win her back. Everything has changed now, especially with us. You have nothing standing in you way now. So why can't this change too?"

"You are right, but it's not going to be easy. Even though things have changed for us, Kristin is dedicated and committed, and she's going to want to see this thing with Eric through, regardless of her feelings for me."

"You can do this Jay. I know it. If the love you guys share is as strong as I know it to be, you will find away. Destiny will always prevail." She smiles again at me, "And in the mean time, anything that I can do to help you piece your life back together, I am all in."

I am at the studio early. I dropped Dianna and Eve off at the airport to go back to New Zealand before dawn. It was a bittersweet moment. Everything has been worked out between Dianna and I, and I think as parents we are stronger now than we ever were before. She hugged me tightly at the gate and gave me well wishes that everything works out with Kristin and me. She then promised me again, that she wouldn't stand in the way of any relationship I wanted to have with Eve. She encouraged me to come visit them as often as I can, and that she would do the same. I think Dianna finally is giving herself the opportunity to heal from our relationship and finally be able to look beyond us for happiness. It was tough to leave them at the gate, but it was the right thing for all of us and I felt confident enough now that things would be okay for the three of us.

"Dianna and Eve left this morning?" Austin asks coming up to me. "They went back to New Zealand?"

I stand up from my sitting position, "Yeah, but everything is good. We are good."

"And she's not going to keep Eve from you?" Austin inquires.

I shake my head. "No, we worked everything out. You know I think it gave Dianna especially a great deal of relief, getting everything off her chest about her feelings. You were certainly right about what exactly her feelings were. But she kept them bottled up too long. She really does want what is best for Eve and best for us now. She realizes the best thing for us as a family is moving on."

"So she won't purse any legal action for custody of Eve or any nonsense like that?"

"No, in fact she wanted to help me get Kristin back."

"Say what?" Austin asks a bit perplexed.

"I know, it was a bit awkward. I know she means well, she believes everything that has happened is her fault. She thinks she set everything in motion for it to happen, right down to Kristin and Eric getting together. Dianna wants to make amends, but—"

"It's just too weird," Austin says finishing my sentence.

"Pretty much," I sigh. "It sucks though in a way, because even though things are good between Dianna and me, I still feel lonely. I don't have Kristin."

"Right now you don't," Austin corrects. "But who's to say you can't get your girl back?"

"I've run out of ideas, honestly," I frown.

"Have you told her about what has happened between you and Dianna?"

"I don't know how receptive she would be towards anything I have to say right now, especially concerning Dianna. The last she knew was Dianna left after that blowout we had and she thinks it her fault that she left. She was in tears when she asked me about it. I repeatedly told her that it was not her fault."

"She probably thinks she can't do anything right when it concerns you. First she thinks she's getting in the way, so she takes herself out of the equation, only to be informed by you that Dianna still left anyway."

I look down quickly towards the floor, before looking back at Austin. "You know it sucks when all you want is the other person's happiness and it always comes at a cost. I want Kristin to be happy, and I think she's happy, but I think she could be happier with me. And she's told me a few times since everything has happened, that all she is doing is so I can be happy."

"You know the only way to fix your miseries Jay, and Kristin's for that matter is to win her back."

"Easier said than done, man," I chuckle softly. "But I will never in my heart give up on Kristin. Even if it kills me to watch another man make her happy."

Austin then gets serious for a minute. "You should seriously consider telling Kristin. It may not change anything, but there is a strong possibility it could change everything. You have no clue how she will react to your revelation. You are probably already assuming she will react negatively to it."

"Yes, of course I am," I frown. Every subtle rejection I get from Kristin, and trust me I've had quite a few over the last few months, it breaks my heart all over again." I continue, "Kristin values commitment and dedication, and she's going to want to see this thing through with Eric, regardless of what has happened with Dianna and myself." I crack a small smile. "That's just who Kristin is."

"Who am I?" Kristin says, walking up behind us. Austin and I both grimace a bit at what she might have heard.

"Well, that's my cue to go," Austin says as he pats me on the back. "See you guys on set."

Kristin frowns at me slightly, before looking over at the direction Austin went into. "He just bowed out pretty quickly. What's his problem?"

"Nothing," I say as I shrug my shoulders.

"Jay," she says as if she doesn't believe me. "Obviously there is something up." She's quiet for a moment. "Wait, are you okay? Last time we talked, you and Dianna were—"

"I know," I reply. "Everything on that front is probably better than it's ever been."

Kristin immediately looks down in sadness and discomfort. It almost looks like tears well up in her eyes. I realize the error of my ways and how my last statement must've sounded to her.

"No, it's not that," I say as I reach out to her. "It's far from that." I look around to see who is watching us. "I don't want to talk about this here. "Can we meet later to talk?"

"Jay, I don't think that's a good idea. Lately any time we've talked, I mean really talked, it hasn't ended on a positive note for us."

I take her hands in mine, and look around quickly again for prying eyes. I see none. I bring her hands up to my lips and kiss them. I breathe softly onto them and whisper, "Just trust me."

"Okay. We have a little while until shooting starts. Let's find some place to talk privately." She looks up at me quickly again. "Please Jay, don't make me regret this," she softly demands of me. It doesn't take me much to realize, she's talking about the day in her dressing room.

I unlock the door, this time to my dressing room. "Sit wherever you want," I say motioning towards the entire room.

"Thanks," she says as she sits down on the couch.

I sit down on the coffee table that is in front of her, so I can be closer to her and face her. I exhale and run my fingers around my neck unsure of how to begin.

"I honestly don't know where to even begin. Everything has happened so fast. But the short of everything is that Dianna and I are over for good, but we parted on great terms."

"Jay, you shouldn't have ended it with Dianna. You guys deserve to be a family. Eve deserves that."

"Kristin—neither of us were happy. We were trying to force something that wasn't meant to be. Dianna and I both said thing in haste and anger, especially Dianna." I place my hand on her leg, "When I spoke to you last, Dianna had left and taken Eve, more in anger and spite than anything else. She was gone for three days. I honestly wasn't even sure if I was going to get to see Eve again before she jumped on a plane to New Zealand. I was lost. I had already lost you, and then I thought I lost Eve too. I had no idea what I was going to do." I sigh, remembering how I felt after Dianna left with Eve.

"Then things were made even worse when I came to the studio on Monday and we talked." I look at Kristin and see her noticeable wince at my comment. "It killed me to realize that you thought it was your fault and there was no convincing you otherwise. I still think you think that it's your fault, but its not."

"Jay, please don't," she begs in agony. "I can't be responsible for your family being undone."

"Kristin, stop. Listen to me," I beg. "Let me finish."

She nods, "Okay."

"Dianna showed up at the apartment early Tuesday morning. I was surprised to see her. But she came to work things out."

"Work things out?" Kristin questions

"Well, she used that time away to think things through, and she realized too that we will never be what she wants us to be, no matter how hard we tried. She has been bitter for a long time over our relationship. She was jealous and that jealousy and bitterness got the better of her and that's when she started dishing out the ultimatums. She has held all these feelings bottled up for years instead of dealing with it, and it finally broke her and she started acting on her bitterness."

"I understand why she is bitter," Kristin softly interrupts. "You guys were together for over thirteen years and then suddenly I come into the picture and her entire world was flipped upside down. She was comfortable in your relationship and all of the sudden everything she's known in your relationship has changed."

I lick my lips and clasp my hands together. "Kristin, things had been off between Dianna and I for a long time. Honestly we started growing apart long before you came into the picture."

"Jay, that is not the point," she argues.

"It is the point," I correct. "Anyway, after thinking about it for a few days, she came to the realization of how bitter she was and she apologized. She realized how we were going about things may not have been the best for everyone involved. She wants to be happy and she wants me to be happy to, and after thinking about what has transpired between us the past few months, she realized that I wasn't happy, and in reality, she wasn't happy either. She took the blame for everything."

"Why would she do that?" Kristin asks.

"She wanted to make things right between us. She feels awful about her part in everything. She even blames herself for us not being together." I chuckle softly, "She even offered to help me win you back." I look away from her in slight embarrassment over my confession.

"What about Eve? How are you guys going to raise Eve apart? Eve deserves to have that family."

"No, she deserves to have both a mother and father who love her and who are happy and who are committed to _her_ ," I stress. "She wasn't getting that before. Now, she has that. Dianna and I don't need to be living together or be in a relationship to be a family and to co parent Eve. We've worked out a parenting style that works for us has always worked for us and we are going to continue doing that. Eve will always know how much both of her parents love her. We will make it work."

"What about custody?" Kristin asks. "She's not going to make it impossible for you to see Eve?"

"No, we are going to do what we've always done. Up until a few days ago, everything Dianna has done has been about trying to recapture what we once had together. She gets it now and she's not going to stand in the way."

"Are you sure?" she asks.

"I've never felt more comfortable, honestly about everything until recently. Yes, I am sure," I smile.

"That's great Jay. I am really happy for you." She sighs briefly, before continuing. "But this doesn't change anything for us."

"But—"

"No Jay, don't. I am with Eric and I'm committed to him. We can't be together," she says sternly.

I sigh and shake my head. I know that her head might be committed to Eric, but her heart is committed to me.

"Kristin, we can finally be together. You can't deny that you don't want us," I say passionately. "Every time we are shooting or we are together, like now, your body is screaming out to me. It longs for my touch, just as my body does the same. It's more than sexual between us. We connect on a level that you and Eric will never be able to connect on," I say passionately.

"Jay, it doesn't matter what my body is doing, or what connection we have, because Eric is my present and I won't jeopardize that." She clicks her tongue softly and noticeable winces. "I have already jeopardized it once," she says obviously referring to the day in her dressing room. "I can't do it again, I won't."

"What about us?" I ask. "We owe it to ourselves and our love to try again. We deserve this chance. Every day we spend apart is a wasted opportunity for us to move forward together." I grab her hands and hold them in mine. "We can have the future that we want and we deserve."

Kristin is staring at me unable to speak. I know she is being cautious with what she says to me. Her face is saying so many things. Her heart is torn between following it or running the complete other way with Eric. She is protecting her heart. Eric is a safe choice for her. She doesn't have to worry about being vulnerable to him and being hurt deeply by him. Kristin has built walls and is in control of that relationship, where with us it is the complete opposite. She feels she has a sense of duty to Eric, and will want to see that through, but when she looks at me, especially when it's just the two of us, I can tell she's holding back and not giving in to us. It takes every ounce of her will power to do that.

"Please, don't pressure me or make me feel worse than I already do," Kristin begs. "But this is how it has to be. We had our shot. Let me go, let _us_ go," she pleads with me.

Her hands still in mine, I clamp them tighter and look into her eyes again. I could stare at her all day and never get tired of staring. "Kristin, I love you. God, I love you so much. I never knew what love really felt like until you walked into my life. You came into my life for a reason and I am so grateful to God above for you being in my life. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but you are the most precious gift he's ever given me and I will not let you, let us go. I promise to always love and cherish you forever. I am not giving up on us. I don't care what you say either because I don't believe it. There is nothing stopping us now. I know you feel the same, and I am going to do whatever it takes to win you back. I'll wait forever for you."

"Jay—"she softly says.

"I am not going anywhere. I promise," I declare to her. "When you are ready and when you search your heart, I will be here. I love you." I kiss each of her fingers softly before rising from my sitting position, leaving her sitting on the couch as I walk out of my dressing room.

Kristin finally arrived on set maybe twenty minutes after I left her. She appeared as if she freshened up and got better control of her feelings. When she didn't arrive on set shortly after I did, I was a bit concerned. I didn't want to leave her in my dressing room, especially because I knew she was upset over our conversation, but when she didn't arrive on set ten minutes after I had, I did start to get worried about her. I almost was ready to check on her.

I walk up behind her and grab her arm, pulling her almost into me "Are you okay?" I whisper. "I was worried."

"I'm fine Jay. I'm serious this changes nothing. Let's not talk about this here with everyone. It's over." She looks down quickly in sadness. "We are over. Let's just move on now, Move forward." She looks up into my eyes again sadly before walking away from me.

Chapter 11

It is another day at the studio. I haven't heard from Kristin directly since I asked if she was okay after she left my dressing room. It's been two days, and we actually haven't had any scenes together in the past few days. Kristin has remained distant despite my confession and her distance is slowly killing me.

We just finished shooting the failed attempt of a wedding in episode 8. As I was waiting for the next scene to start, I couldn't help but recall the shooting of the wedding that had just been shot yesterday. I had been so nervous about shooting this scene, that it almost felt like to me that it was my own wedding day to Kristin. Kristin had been more distant than usual. The whole scene, I felt as if emotionally she wasn't there. I think she purposely distanced herself emotionally because she didn't want to think about us. I am sure just like me, even though we were playing Vincent and Catherine, she wouldn't be able to hold her mind back from wondering about us.

I couldn't wait to see her in her dress. The directors decided that I wouldn't see Kristin in her dress before hand, so I could make Vincent's emotions more real and raw when I first see her. I had to wonder what type of dress her and Catherine Ashton picked out. I am sure even if she wore a burlap sack, she'd still stand out, and all eyes would be on her. I was nervously standing there waiting for Stu to yell action and for everyone to enter the scene. As Nicole, then Austin and Nina walked down the aisle, I just couldn't help but look past them in hopes of getting a glimpse of her.

As soon as Kristin entered the scene, I felt like I entered a trance. I felt my eyes almost tear up at her beauty. I slightly gulped to keep my tears in check. She was absolutely stunning. She looked like a rare diamond coming down the aisle towards me. Her dress was beautiful and curved to her body just right. I was looking at an angel coming towards me. She slightly smiled at me, and I couldn't help but feel my heart spike. My mouth slightly opened in her awe over her beauty. I didn't want to even blink, in fear that I was dreaming. I smiled slightly and I couldn't help but blink my eyes really fast in order to continue to hold my tears in. She stared directly at me and smiled again, and I could tell it was a genuine smile. I smiled right back, and I noticed my breath quicken. I quickly noticed that truly every eye was on her. Despite the planned interruption to the scene, I couldn't help but continue in my trance and just stare. I felt for a moment as if she was walking down the aisle to meet me. It was our wedding. As soon as she got right in front of me, I walked over to her and as soon as my back was turned towards the camera I mouthed the words "You look beautiful," to her. It just slipped. I couldn't help myself.

Stu pulls me out of my thoughts and tells me to get into position. We are shooting the rehearsal party scene. There are many people on set, getting into position. I scan the set to see if Kristin has arrived. I see her from a distance, talking to Nina. A moment later, Kristin is walking towards me. She is wearing that beautiful long red gown again. She normally doesn't wear bright colors like that, but the dress fits her perfectly. Brennan follows her and the three of us get into position. Kristin is standing next to me, but is inches away from me. Brennan stands in front us. Stu yells "Action"

" _Oh big turnout at the wedding tomorrow, Detective? Brass from all over the city is gonna be there, all due credit to you," Brennan says, starting the scene out._

 _I take a sip of what's supposed to be white wine, but is actually apple juice, as I listen to what he's saying._

" _I'm not sure about that, Chief, but…"_

" _No, don't sell yourself short."_

 _I look quickly into the rest of the set at all the extras wandering around. I look back at Brennan as he finishes what he's saying._

" _You've done amazing work, unorthodox, maybe, but amazing."_

 _I nod at his assumptions. I smile, "You know what? I'll drink to that. Cheers." We toast. I swallow and look over towards Austin and Nina, "Mm, Honey, would you excuse me just for one moment?" I say looking at her._

 _She gives me a puzzled look, "Is everything okay?"_

" _Yeah, of course. It will be tomorrow, at least, hmm?" I lean into her to nuzzle and kiss her cheek. Before I even get to her cheek, I see a smile start to form on her lips and her eyes close. I pull away and nod towards Brennan, "Excuse me."_

Stu yells cut. We are filming the rest of the scene, where Vincent talks to Tess about JT later. It is such a big scene that we have to film the scenes in pieces and then the editing crew will go to work later to piece everything together. We have a fifteen minute break before we start right back with JT's best man speech.

 _Nicole starts the scene. "Excuse me. Hi!" she starts, raising her glass up._

" _Here we go," I say as I straighten up, and Kristin walks towards me._

" _Everyone having fun?" Nicole cheerfully smiles._

 _Kristin comes to stand next to me. I pull my arm out to her, to pull her close._

" _Um, okay, so now it's time for the best man to say a few words. JT, take it away," Nicole says, holding up the microphone to Austin._

 _Austin gets up from the couch. "Okay," he replies, barely smiling._

 _I am still holding onto Kristin tightly, as we watch Austin get up to take the microphone. I turn my head towards Kristin to kiss the side of her forehead. She awkwardly leans her head up and smiles._

" _Thank you. Um…Hi" Austin says as he grabs the microphone from Nicole. "Well….listen," Austin continues as he takes a crumpled up piece of paper out of his pocket. "Everyone here knows how special Cat and Vincent's love is, right?"_

" _Yeah!" Everyone yells in unison, toasting their glasses up._

" _It's—it's amazing, off the charts, and at the center of their special love is….understanding…"_

 _Kristin and I are both awkwardly watching JT's monologue, knowing JT is about to make his speech into a plea to Tess._

"… _Forgiveness," Austin continues. "Second chances. I mean nobody is perfect, right? I mean God knows I'm not," he says sticking the paper into his coat pocket. Everyone is looking at him not sure where JT is taking his speech._

 _Kristin has her arm looped around mine, she looks up at me, and I slightly smile at her._

" _And, but, my point is Vincent is the luckiest guy in the world, because he's found someone who's you know…willing to look past his faults…I mean let's face it, people make mistakes."_

 _I look over at Nina as she looks down at her phone that just buzzed. The color from her face drains. My phone then pings as I read the text from the hospital. Jail Ward Escape is all it says. The color in my face slowly drains too. My mouth drops open as I look at Nina and put my phone back in my jacket pocket._

 _Austin is still on JT's monologue. "You know, sometimes it's her, sometimes it's him."_

 _Kristin looks over at me and sees my face of worry after looking at my phone. "Just the hospital beeped—Don't worry," I say forcing a smile._

" _But, if the relationship is truly meant to be—"_

 _Nina immediately grabs her glass and starts clinking it, obviously Tess has had enough of the speech._

" _Yeah, uh—" I say in agreement with what Nina is doing. I chuckle nervously as Kristin and I lean into kiss. Everyone starts to clap for us._

 _She immediately withdraws from the kiss._

 _Nicole is horrified. She scoffs._

" _What's wrong?" Brennan inquires._

" _He kissed the bride!" She tilts her head back in aggravation. "He just jinxed the wedding," she adds throwing her hand around._

Stu yells cut right after that. He was pleased with the whole take. He released Kristin, Nicole, and Austin until the afternoon, but Nina and I needed to finish up our conversation for the scene.

My scene with Nina went quick, and we were soon able to have lunch with the rest of the cast. After lunch and another quick debrief with Stu, Nina, Austin and Nicole will be done for the day. Kristin and I still have one more scene outside the studio to shoot.

When Nina and I get to lunch, I notice Kristin is having lunch with Eric. There is some distance between them, but I try not to read into that too much. No matter how many times I see them together and no matter how often, I can't get the sting out of my heart when I see them together.

I grab a water bottle off the drink table, when Kristin comes up behind me to grab bottled water too.

"Oh, sorry, Jay," she says quickly taking her hand from the bottle.

"Here," I say giving her the bottle.

She smiles, "Thank you." She takes the bottle from my hand. Her fingers lightly touch mine, and chills creep down my back.

"How are you?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation going between us.

"Fine, although I am getting sick. I woke up this morning all congested. I sound better than I did this morning. I hope I don't get you sick."

"Don't worry, " I say in comfort, "I think I'm doing a great job of that on my own. I've felt like crap for days. Maybe I got you sick?" I pose.

She laughs lightly, "I guess being in each other's space every day for 16 hours isn't helping the situation." She pauses, "I hope I don't give whatever I have now to back to Eric. He just got over being sick."

"I know. I'm glad Eve went back to New Zealand. With this weather and me being sick now, I wouldn't want to get her sick as well."

She nods. "Well, I better get back and finish my lunch, before we need to be in wardrobe again," she says abruptly.

"Yeah. Okay," I reply. "Guess, I'll see you in a bit then."

Chapter 12

Kristin and I arrive on set together with a couple other crew members. The rest of the crew has been setting up the scene for our arrivals. I am a bit nervous. We are shooting the scene where Vincent begs Cat to get married despite everything that has happened. I feel like this scene is already too close to home for Kristin and I, with everything that is going on between us. I know that I won't have to act much for this scene.

Kristin and I are well bundled up on this bitter cold day, waiting to be called to get into position. "So much for not helping make our colds worse," I say to her, my hands tightly closed inside my pockets.

"Yeah, this is definitely not good for our colds," she smiles. "It's freezing out here. They probably think we are used to this weather now, so it should be no problem for us."

"Let's just hope we don't get sicker," I smile at her.

"Ditto to that," Kristin replies smiling back up at me. "And that we can do this scene in only a take or two. I might not make more than that."

I laugh softly, "Me either."

After what seems like standing out in the cold for hours, Stu finally calls us to get into position. Stu starts the scene minutes later.

 _Kristin is walking fast, getting farther away from me. I speed up to catch her. "Hey, where are you going?" I ask desperately as I toss my hands out into the air. It's so cold, I can see my breath, and feel the coldness in the air even as I am walking_. _It is brutal out._

 _Kristin stops shorts and looks over at me. "Not back to the church, that's for sure."_

 _She looks away from me and continues walking._

 _I finally catch up to her. "Okay, please, please, okay, I didn't know what else to do, all right," I sigh desperately. "It's just, one thing led to another and things just got worse and worse." I crinkle my eye brows and frown in desperation, I look over at her and she looks back at me as she continues walking. I stand in front of her to stop her from walking further. I feel Vincent's emotions in the pit of my stomach._

" _You think?" she asks sarcastically. She continues to walk again._

" _Catherine, please listen to me," I beg. I feel tingling in my throat as if it's really me talking to Kristin now and not Vincent. I fight back my voice starting to crack. "I don't know what else to say, okay?" I add, throwing my arms outward. She turns her head slightly towards my direction. "I screwed up, I just, I didn't want to ruin our wedding."_

 _I hold my emotions back. I screwed up Kristin and me. Everything was my fault, and now we are both paying the price. I can't believe how far away emotionally from me she still is_

" _She tried to kill me, Vincent," Kristin says passionately, throwing her arms up again._

 _I bring my arms up to stop her from walking again. "I know, please, just stop." I feel like saying to Kristin, to just stop running away from me, from us. Kristin finally stops. "I know you're mad, and you have every right to be, but please hear me out." I again feel Vincent's emotions in my stomach. His feelings in this scene are mirroring exactly how I feel. Kristin does have every right to be mad at me and to hate me, after everything. But, her anger and pulling away from me is slowly killing me._

" _Tess already explained this to me," she interrupts. "Nobody wanted to tell me. Everyone wanted to protect me, protect us. "_

" _Yes, that's exactly what happened," I frown desperately._

" _But that's wrong, Vincent. I want to get married as badly as you do, but how would you have liked it, if I hadn't told you Julianna had escaped?"_

 _Kristin is looking directly at me. I sigh. This scene is killing me. She's nailing it, but the further we get into the scene, the harder, I fight back my own emotions, as Jay. I can't let myself turn into Jay in this scene. I shake my head and close my eyes quickly before answering her. "I wouldn't, okay. I wouldn't, but I was just so worried that you were going to call this day off," I quickly say in sadness, raising my shoulders up slightly and taking my eyes off of her for a moment._

" _And I would have, and it would've been the right thing to do, too," she replies._

" _No it wouldn't," I disagree, shaking my head. I scrunch my eyebrows in sadness and I take a step closer to her before starting my short monologue. "Come on, we have been through hell and back together, okay, but we've made it. We finally made it," I say passionately looking down at her. She closes her eyes in discomfort. I stare at her for a quick moment thinking about everything we have been together in the past few years and that we still deserve that chance. I continue, "And right or wrong there was no way I was going to let anything else keep this day for happening." I wasn't going to let anyone keep me from her. Every decision I've made, I've made with her in my mind._

 _Kristin sadly looks away before looking back up at me._

" _Come on," I beg almost as if I am Jay begging Kristin to come back to me and give us this chance. "for ten years, I was living in the shadows, okay, completely lost, except for you, okay? You—you saved me, you loved me and now here we are, finally, all right?" I say in true desperation. It's exactly how I feel about her. Kristin saved me. I was lost, in this dark, unhappy place, and I was constantly searching for something meaningful in my life, and then out of nowhere she walked into my life and brightened my world. "Please, no more sacrifices," I beg. I want to add, no more sacrifices for us or each other's happiness._

 _She looks up at me with a face full of sadness and brokenness. I stare into her eyes and notice something has changed. Her eyes are soft, and her body language has subtly changed. "We deserve this, don't we?" She's looking up at me as if she's about to break down and cry. I sigh, as I continue to stare at her, hoping that she realizes that we do truly deserve this._

Stu yells cut. Kristin automatically and quickly turns away from me and walks away without a word. I watch her with my eyes as she turns the corner of the street. I have no idea where she is going. I see her out of the corner of my eye through the fence we were just completed the scene. She brings her hand up to her eye and wipes away what I am assuming is a tear.

"Is Kristin okay?" Stu asks confused. "What happened? She has never rushed off set like that."

My eyes slightly widen. "I am not sure," I say honestly. "Are we doing another take?" I ask.

"We might need to do a few tweaks, but I don't think a full take."

"Okay, then I'll be back in a few. I need to find out, well make sure that Kristin is okay."

I leave Stu and quickly trace Kristin's steps. I find her at the next block sitting on a park bench. She has a tissue in her hand and is looking down at her feet.

"Kristin, are you okay?" I inquire with concern. I place my hand on her shoulder. "The way you ran off set—"

"I'm fine Jay, just please go," she says not even looking up at me. She wipes the tissue under her eyes to catch her tears.

Her tears are tearing me apart again. "Kristin, you sure do know how to tear my heart up. I hate seeing you cry." I gulp and sit down next to her. "Did I do something wrong?" I ask.

She shakily nods her head no. "No, you were great in the scene."

"Then what is it?" I beg. "Please."

She sighs. "I honestly have no idea. For some reason that scene got to me."

"Got to you?" I ask concerned. "What do you mean?"

She shakes her head. "I don't know Jay, but I told you, now please just leave me alone. I'll be back over in a few minutes. I just need to get my thoughts together."

"Are you sure that you don't want me to stay?" I sigh and ask her something that I can't believe I am going to ask. "Do you want me to go get Eric?"

She looks up at me in a bit of surprise, before she answers, "No, thank you though."

I walk over back to the set, still concerned about the state that I left Kristin in. I had no idea what was wrong or what could possibly being going through her mind. She comes back to the set a few minutes later, and looks recharged and fresh. If you hadn't seen her you would've never known she was crying.

We reshot our few tweaks as soon as Kristin came back to the set. Kristin seemed more distant then ever during the reshoots. She again purposely kept her distance from me, even during the shoots; emotionally she was not there in the takes. Stu actually pulled us aside at the end and told us that the first take would probably be the one used in its entirety. There was just something special about that take that brought more to the scene. We wrapped shooting for the day shortly after we finished our tweaks. Kristin once again rushed off of set.

I am home for the evening. I try to get some work done around the apartment to no avail. I can't get Kristin or her state of mind out of my head. Something different changed or happened, I just need to figure out what it is.

I get into bed later that night, still reeling from the day on set. I haven't heard anything from Kristin, although I didn't really expect to. I hope she knows that she can always rely on me. I stare up at the ceiling for hours, unable to shut off my mind and go to sleep. I finally decide to cave and text Kristin.

" _Hope you are doing okay, I know you might not want to hear this, but I've been worried about you all day."_

She immediately replies, as if she was looking at our text conversation. _I appreciate it Jay. I've just had a lot on my mind. Thank you for coming and checking up on me."_

" _That's what friends are for right?"_

" _You are a good friend, Jay. I don't deserve you."_

I read her text message several times trying to get over the shock that she thinks she doesn't deserve me. I am completely hers. I am designed for her, to complete her in every way, just like she is designed for me.

" _Nonsense."_ I type before clicking on a wink face emoji. I send it before writing another one. _Just know whatever we are, I will always be there for you. If you need to talk, please for my own sanity call me._

" _I appreciate it, Jay. I can't thank you enough. I'll see you at the studio tomorrow."_

" _Okay. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you."_

I put my phone back on the night stand and pull the covers back over me. I am lonely in my bed. After having no one in it next to me for months now, you'd think that my body would've adjusted. But it hasn't yet. It needs her. I frown slightly at the realization.

I notice that during the text conversation Kristin and I had going on, she did seem a bit more relaxed with me. She seemed almost back to her old self, but something was still off. I still can't help but worry and wonder what has changed for Kristin, what happened to get her all shaken up. I hope quietly to myself that Kristin puts enough trust in me and lets her guard down enough to tell me. I finally drift off to sleep not long after I talk to her, of course thinking of her and what she maybe up.

Morning comes too soon, when my phone blaring wakes me up. I quickly get out of bed to get answer me phone.

"Hello?" I say into the phone, a bit dazed.

"Hi Jay, it's Jill."

"Jill?" I ask confused for a moment.

She hesitates for a moment. "Oh Jay, I'm sorry, I am probably calling really early. I keep forgetting about the time difference."

Once I give myself a moment to wake up, I realize who it is. It's Jill Warner, from my management agency back in New Zealand. "No, it's okay Jill. It's not that early," I reply, looking over quickly at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was barely 7:30. "What's up?" I curiously ask.

"I have a great job opportunity for you. ABC wants you for their new and upcoming procedural pilot, that's been in the works for a few months now."

I shake my head in confusion. I honestly wasn't sure if I heard her right. "What?" I finally say. "How did—how did they find me? Do they know about Beauty?" I ask still in disbelief.

"Yes, they do. They came across your tape somewhere. They are offering you three times more than what you make on Beauty and the Beast. They want to fly you to Los Angeles to test you, and if everything works out they want to see about helping you get out of your contract."

"What?" I say more in disbelief than asking. "Why me? This is absolutely crazy, on top of the fact that they have pretty much offered me the job and I haven't even tested. This is unbelievable."

"I know, I was pretty shocked when I first received the call too. You need to go and test. They are willing to work around your schedule. I don't know what you did to catch their eye that they are willing to bend this much to get you to test, but Jay, you have to test! This is the chance of a lifetime for you. Do you know what getting this pilot could mean for your career?"

I pause for a moment to think quickly about the exposure I could get. I wouldn't just be considered or only known for being just one of CW's hunks. It could be a real stepping stone for me. "I know you are absolutely right. There is no way I can turn this test down. If things work out, I could probably even talk to the CW and the show runners about letting me out of the contract. Honestly, who even knows if we are going to get renewed again? Getting a season three was such a long shot, I doubt if we would be that lucky again." I'd love the show to go on forever, especially because it will mean Kristin and I could continue to work together, but with the way our ratings were in Season 2, and that we barely got renewed this time around, I am not so confident on continuing passed Season 3. The show runners haven't hinted to anything towards renewal or cancellation, but they know more or less, I am sure where the show stands.

"Set something up," I blurt out hastily. "Let them know what my shooting schedule is, and what our days off are besides the weekends and see if we can make this happen. If it's meant to be, it will work out. Let me know what they say."

"No problem Jay."

I smile slightly at the prospect of the open door. "Thanks again Jill for calling and for all your hard work. We will be in touch," I smile before hanging up.

I set my phone down and slump back onto my bed. I am still in shock over the phone call from Jill. I don't even know how to process it all. If I could get the pilot, and if this show takes off like they think it will, this opportunity could do wonders for my career.

I quickly rummage through some paperwork that is stored in the living room, looking for my contract. I know my contract is for a 5 year stint, but I have to wonder if there are any loopholes in the contract to get me out of the contract early. I am sure; I could talk to Brad and see if we could come to some kind of agreement.

As I am running through all the possibilities out there if the test goes well, I realize if I leave, there would probably be no more Beauty and the Beast. I doubt that they would recast especially with the way the ratings are. Then there is Kristin. I think for a moment about a possible recast working with Kristin. A sharp pain goes through my chest at the thought of someone else taking on that role of Vincent and being on that level with Kristin. It already kills me that she's with Eric. It kills me even more about the possibility of moving on with this pilot without her. I don't know what my life would be like without her in it. At least now, she's still in my life in some form. I don't know if I could live without her. It seems too foreign to me to even consider.

"If it's meant to be, everything will work itself out," I say to myself, trying to reassure myself more than anything else of the things to come.

Part 2

Chapter 13

I am getting out a little later than I wanted it to be, for my morning run. I didn't get much sleep last night, so I need this run to wake me up. Ever since Jay and I wrapped on the scene where Vincent begs Catherine to get married in episode eight a couple weeks ago, I can't get Jay out of my mind or that scene. Well if I am honest with myself, Jay is never far from my mind. Even in the moments I share with Eric, Jay consumes my every thought. I try to turn the other way and run away from my thoughts, but I can not escape them.

I have been aching for him for weeks now, even more so since his confession that Dianna went back to New Zealand and that things are good between them. I am happy that they worked things out, but also can't help and wonder how much I played into their decisions and how I may still be indirectly responsible for them not working out.

As I continue to run, I just keep playing that scene in episode eight, over and over again. Jay really spoke to me. It may have been Vincent's lines, but it was Jay that was speaking. I felt like he was speaking directly to my soul. He's obviously broken over the state of our relationship, just as much as I am. He made those lines in the script a reality. As great of an actor that Jay is, there is no way that he could fake his passion and vulnerability that he showed in that scene during shooting. I remember looking into his eyes during filming and seeing how truly broken he is over everything. Despite everything that's happened, all the pain, and misery and the obstacles we've had to face, his eyes and body language towards me, still read that he wants me and wants to make it work for us. I know it has to kill him to be apart. He has said as much to me, but even if he didn't say anything to me, I can tell almost every day, what it's doing to him, because it's doing the same thing to me.

I come upon an isolated park bench. I take a seat for a minute to sip some water and take a breather. It is starting to get cold, so I don't want to sit out here for too long. I let my mind wonder again to Jay. "I don't know if I dare let go, and give back into you again?" I wonder out loud. My feelings for Jay complicate things so much, especially since I promised Eric and myself a commitment. Eric has been wonderful to me and got me through a dark time, but he's no Jay and our relationship has fallen flat. But I promised him a commitment; I need to see it through.

"It's the right thing to do," I say as I nod my head trying to inwardly convince myself. "It is already bad enough, that I cheated on him, because my libido couldn't help itself."

I continue to let my mind wonder again as I stand back up to start running again. No man has ever made me feel the way Jay has. My body has never reacted to any other guy the way it has reacted around Jay. It's as if my body is under Jay's command. All he has to do is give my body one look over and it's on fire and will do anything Jay wants it to do. These past few months without Jay, I've really had to hold myself back and make an effort. I built walls, so I couldn't be easily be swayed by Jay, especially after the afternoon in my dressing room. I couldn't take any chances. I needed to be in control and it takes, even now every ounce of will power I have to continue to hold strong against the spell Jay has me under. I've been under his spell in some way, since the very first time he kissed me.

 _The entire cast is coming out of the Irish bar around the corner from the studio. We just finished filming the pilot episode._

" _Now we wait," Brian says breaking the ice._

 _I rock slightly back on my heels, "Hopefully, they don't keep us waiting too long to find out if we've been picked up."_

" _Well, either way, it's been a fun time guys," Jay says. "All of you are really great people, and I've enjoyed getting to work with everyone," he finishes, gazing directly over at me. He keeps his eyes on me as he continues. "I hope more than anything we get picked up too."_

 _His eyes are still not coming off me. If I am honest with myself, his eyes haven't come off me since we arrived at the bar earlier. His staring is sending electrifying chills down my body. With just a look, he's making my body feel things that it's never felt before. I quickly look away in a bit of embarrassment, and wonder if anyone else notices besides me that he is staring at me. There's a charge, and with each second that passes it gets stronger, despite the people around us. I lick my lips more in anticipation in what Jay's next move is going to be._

 _We all stand outside the bar for a few more minutes chatting, before one by one the rest of the cast leave, until it's just Jay and myself._

" _Can I walk you home?" he asks me._

 _I look shyly up at him, my heart is pounding. My breath quickens. I swallow hard before I answer him. "It's okay, you don't need to. It's not far."_

 _He smiles at me, before he takes his hand and brushes my hair behind my ear. "I want too. Please."_

 _I nod, unable to speak. His touch has left goose bumps on my arm._

 _We walk together slowly, conversing about our families and work, and spending time getting to know each other. The more we talk, the stronger that charge between us becomes. I am in completely in shock to how my body is reacting to him. I wonder what he's feeling. It can't just be me._

 _Our hands brush together once. He quickly pulls away. "I'm sorry,"_

" _No, it wasn't your fault," I reply to him almost blushing. "I shouldn't be walking so close to you."_

 _He turns his head towards me and smiles. "I should've been more careful."_

 _As we continue to walk, the space between us grows smaller again. The atmosphere between us relaxes a bit, but that charge is still there. Within another few minutes our hands brush together again, but this time they stay together. Neither of us acknowledges that our hands are clasped tightly together. They just fit perfectly together, and everything feels right. He slowly runs his thumb continuously over my hand. I don't want to let go, it feels so right._

 _We arrive at my apartment building a few minutes later. "This is it," I say. I turn my head towards him and smile. Our hands are still clasped together._

 _He finally reluctantly lets my hand go. He turns, so he is facing me. I look back up at him. He is staring at me again, more into my soul than directly at me. I don't know what came over me, but before I can blink my hand is going up to his cheek. I run my thumb along the stubble on his face. He closes his eyes and exhales softly. His hand comes up and he places it firmly on my waist, pulling me in closer to him. I can feel his warm breath on me. My nipples slightly swell under his touch and intense gaze. His other hand goes down the length of body before coming back up to caress my cheek. I've never wanted anything more than I do right now. I've never reacted to anyone like this, not even Mark. I want Jay. I blink quickly again, unable to turn away._

 _Before I blink again, his mouth is on mine. Our mouths open and our tongues find each other. I can feel his hunger for me. His hunger is the same intensity if not greater than mine. The more he continues to kiss me the more, my body reacts to him. I meet him kiss for kiss. I throw my hands into his hair, and lightly tug onto it. He moans into my mouth. His reaction to my hair tugging sends me spiraling. I lightly nibble on his lips before pulling away, before things go too far._

" _Wow," I nervously exhale as I look back up at him, not exactly sure what else to say._

" _You feel the same way," Jay says breaking the silence. "I've wanted to do that since I first saw you."_

 _I continue to stare at him, unsure what to say. He is right. I feel the same way, but can we do this? There might be too many things against us, plus he's my co-star. It might ruin everything._

I smile at the memory, and feel my pulse pick up a bit. It amazes me how much I've come to love this man, and how I can't imagine my life without him in it in some shape or form.

I arrive back at my apartment and get ready for the day. I am going to be meeting Eric for breakfast before I head into the studio. I have to figure out what to do with what's going on between us. If I am honest with myself, I don't want Eric. He's a nice guy, but there isn't anything real between us. He doesn't set my body on fire the way Jay does. He's trying and I am trying, but he will never be Jay.

"What am I doing?" I say out loud to myself. "I have to stop this. You are with Eric, Kristin. He deserves your loyalty."

My doorbell rings, bringing me back into reality.

"Coming," I yell as I hastily walk towards the door.

"Yes?" I say as I open the door, only to realize it's Eric at my door. He has red roses in his hand.

"Eric? What are you doing here? I thought I was meeting you in an hour for breakfast? Did I get the time wrong?" I ask unsure. For some strange reason, I find myself actually a bit aggravated and annoyed that he is here.

He smiles at me and kisses my cheek, before stepping inside my apartment. He puts the flowers down on the table next to the door. "No, but maybe I just wanted to surprise my girlfriend before breakfast with flowers."

I crack a small smile. "Oh, that is so sweet of you, but unnecessary," I awkwardly reply.

"Nothing but the best for you," he says as he runs his hand down the length of my arm. "I'll let you finish getting ready, so we can get going and we aren't late to the studio."

I nod as I walk away from him and into my bedroom, to finish getting ready. I like Eric a lot, and care for him. I thought I might have even loved him as well. He definitely is no Jay, but what guy is? I owe it to him to see this through, but ever since we wrapped episode eight, I can't get Jay out of my mind or heart even more so than before and it seems like everything Eric does now, annoys me. Is it me? Or has Eric always been like this?

We arrive at a coffee shop. I've noticed that Eric seemed a bit off in our walk to the coffee shop. He held my hand tight, but didn't say much. I wasn't sure what was on Eric's mind.

"Are you okay?" I finally ask as we reach the counter to order.

Eric looks over at me at touches my arm, gently caressing it. "Everything is fine, why do you ask?"

I chuckle nervously. "You seem distracted today. I mean you brought me those beautiful flowers, but ever since we left the apartment, something has been off with you. You seem quiet. What happened between then and now? Did I do something?" I inquire, not really sure what he's thinking.

He grabs my hands. We are now sitting at a corner table. He looks quickly down at our hands that are entwined together before looking back up at me. He exhales sharply. "I have to tell you something."

I scrunch my eyebrows in a bit of confusion. "Okay, what is it?" I ask. "Is everything okay? Are you okay?"

Eric relaxes a bit. "Yeah, I am fine, everything is fine." He looks up into my eyes. I wince a bit in nervousness and awkwardness. I can't believe how things have changed between us so suddenly. I almost think that I've just been in denial all this time about all my feelings and that something happened in my brain and heart during the filming of episode eight, because the walls that I tried so hard to build to keep Jay out of my heart and mind, I feel like are slowly being knocked down.

I come back to reality to press Eric on what is on his mind. "I don't think you are fine. You seem very anxious. Please tell me what is on your mind."

He sighs again. "Well it's actually really great news. I got a job offer to work on work on another CBS series."

"Wow, that's fantastic, great news." I raise my eyebrows. "But what about Beauty?" I ask. "You don't want to come back for another season?"

He exhales nervously. "We don't even know if we are going to get a season four. Everything is so up in the air right now. I don't know if I can wait and rely on hoping that the CW renews the show."

I nod, "I understand." I smile before continuing. "So, where is this new show filming? What is the genre?"

"It's a comedy, and it's filming in Los Angeles."

I frown, "Los Angeles? So you'd move?"

He takes a sip of his coffee before answering. "Yes."

"Oh," I say looking down at my coffee, not really sure what else to say. I feel like I am supposed to be devastated over him leaving, but for some reason, I am not. I almost feel relieved.

"Kristin," he breathes, before he takes my hands again. I look up at him, he seems nervous again. "I love you," he blurts.

My eyes grow at his confession. He loves me? I shake my head in disbelief. What do I even say to him? I can't say, I love him, because I don't think I do. As hard as it is too admit, I am still in love with Jay.

 _Jay and I are walking in the park together, hand and hand after wrapping filming for the day. Every so often as we are walking, he will pull me closer to him. We finally decide to sit down on a bench and watch the sun set._

" _It's such a beautiful night out," he says as he puts his arm around me._

" _It is," I smile back up him, bringing my hand up to his cheek to caress his stubble._

" _I am glad we are getting to enjoy it together," he replies as he pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head._

 _I feel my body slowly reacting to him, to his voice. My heart feels like it's pounding a mile a minute. He is so intoxicating to me; I can't help but want to be with him always. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. When I look at him, I feel like I've known him my whole life. When we talk, I feel like he is the only one who sees right through me and who knows me._

" _Me too," I finally answer. "We deserve this,"_

 _He pulls me closer again, and sighs nervously. I immediately catch the shift in his body language._

 _He gets up from the bench, and puts out his hand to me. I look up at him, not really sure what he is doing. I put my hand into his. "Jay—"_

 _He immediately silences me with a kiss. "Shh—" he says softly after he breaks our kiss._

" _I can't describe what you have brought to my life and have made me feel the past couple months…You are every man's dream."_

 _He eyes me up and down quickly and smiles._

" _I love you," he finally blurts out._

 _He loves me. I feel like a teenager with his declaration. It makes me feel so many different things. His words send shockwaves through my body. My legs feel like the turned into jelly. My pulse quickens as it does a lot when I am with him. I am on cloud nine. I sigh in oblivion, in happiness._

" _I love you too," I say confirming my feelings out loud to him for the first time. "More than you could ever realize," I smile._

 _He smiles back at me and replies, "Oh I think I do realize how much," he half smiles before pulling me into a deep kiss._

"Kristin? Hello, Kristin? Are you okay?" Eric asks touching my hand and bringing me back to reality.

"What?" I asked, remembering that I was not even close to listening to what he was saying.

Eric sighs, "I said I love you, and I want you to come with me to Los Angeles if Beauty doesn't get picked up for Season 4."

My eyes enlarge again and I gulp, almost stuttering, I reply, ignoring his declaration. "You want me to come with you?" I feel as if all the color in my face has drained. I can't believe what he is asking me. I didn't think we were even that close to this level.

"Yes, of course, I do. I think it's time we take the next step in our relationship."

"But, what about the show? I have a contract. You know I can't just pick up and leave."

He sighs, "If the show doesn't get picked up, I want you to come with me. If it does, of course you will have to stay in Toronto, and we will work it out if that's the case. We will figure it out, but I want you with me."

I bite my lip. I don't want to hurt Eric, but I think this all is a little premature and rushing things. Why don't we discuss this when we know if the show gets picked up or not. I can't even fathom the idea of it not getting picked up again because I wouldn't know what that means for Jay and me. I get a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach at even the thought of him not being in my life.

"Kristin, I am not proposing yet, geez. You can relax. I just want you to think about it. Give it some thought. I think we could be really great together," he smiles up at me, running his thumb over my fingers.

The rest of our conversation and time at the coffee shop was a bit awkward and tense. I think Eric figured how uncomfortable, I was with the idea of moving to Los Angeles with him and how sudden this all is. Eric and I haven't been together too long to be even moving into that direction yet. But I told him that I would give it some thought and let him know.

Our walk to the studio after coffee was a bit awkward though. Eric stayed his distance from me and said minimal to me. I know I bruised his ego by not saying yes right away and having so much hesitation over his offer. But I couldn't help myself. I can't just jump into something like that.

Once Eric and I get to the studio, we go our separate ways. Eric has a meeting with the crew and I have to be in make up.

I sigh, as I practically flop into the makeup chair.

Nina is in the other chair next to me. "What's wrong with you today? You look like you got punched in the gut," she says turning towards me. "Is everything okay?"

"Ehh, I don't know," I confess softly. "Eric just dropped a bomb on me. He's gotten another job offer in Los Angeles."

"Oh—" she replied. "Are we happy about this?" she asks.

I exhale and slide up in my chair to get more comfortable, before I answer her. "I don't know how I feel about it." I pause for a minute before confessing the rest of it to Nina. "He wants me to go with him."

Nina looks at me in confusion, "He wants you to go to Los Angeles with him?"

I nod, "Yes."

"But what about the show?"

"Well obviously if the show is renewed for Season four, I'll stay put, but Eric doesn't think it will be renewed. That's one of the reasons he went out and looked for another opportunity. He says we will make it work, if the show is renewed." I sigh, feeling defeated. I don't want Eric anymore, but that commitment I gave him, is nagging me.

"How do you feel about all this?" Nina genuinely inquires. "Do you even want to go with him? It's a big step and you don't seem very excited to take this next step with him," she observes.

I look away from Nina zoning out quickly, trying to figure out if I want to confess exactly what I've been feeling the past few weeks. I haven't said any of my recent feelings out loud to anyone. If I confess to Nina what I am feeling, and have been for the past few weeks, it will make everything all too real. It will knock all my walls down and bring back to the surface all the feelings that I have for Jay and that I tried my hardest to put to rest.

"Kristin," Nina calls softly, bringing me back to reality.

"What?" I asked a bit confused, shaking my head.

"Are you okay? You totally zoned out for a minute."

I clasp my hands together before bringing my hands up to mu face. I feel a bit uneasy and nervous.

"Kristin, talk to me, I want to help. I don't mean to sound rude, but you look so lost."

I exhale before abruptly telling Nina what's wrong. "It's Jay,"

"I still want him," I declare.

Nina half smiles at me, "I figured you did or at least have never stopped wanting him. You and Jay, even though you aren't physically together, it's as if your souls are still entwined. There is no escaping that love that you guys share."

I bite my lip, before I lick them. "I thought I could escape it. I really tried to move on, especially because of Jay's little girl. I wanted her to have a chance at a real family. They couldn't do that though, if I was constantly lurking in the background in Jay's life." I look down again more in a bit of embarrassment, as the next confession rolled of my tongue. "That's one of the reasons; I got together with Eric so quickly. I figured he could help heal some of the wounds and help me move on from Jay, help me move forward."

Nina doesn't look the least bit shocked by my confession.

"Don't get me wrong, I like Eric a lot, but that's as far as it goes. I feel bad because I know he has deeper feelings for me, than I do for him. But I've tried for months to explore deeper feelings for him, but every time it just falls flat."

"Oh," Nina says as her eyes enlarge. "So go back to Jay then, and break up with Eric," she poses.

I shake my head, "It's not that simple. I am in a relationship with Eric; I made a commitment, a promise to him. I gave him my word."

"Well, I don't mean to sound like a jerk or anything, but don't you think your word is shot to hell? I mean you basically in not so many words just confessed to me that you are still in love with Jay. How is that far to Eric?"

"It's not," I agree. "But, I keep thinking that I'll learn to love him as much as I love Jay or something."

"You can't force your feelings, or change who you love or who you are supposed to love," Nina bleakly smiles. "You are supposed to love Jay. There is something between the two of you that only happens once in a life time. I knew when you guys first called it quits that it would only be a matter of time." She exhales, "but you can't keep leading Eric on."

"I know," I agree sadly. "This whole situation sucks."

"The only obstacle that you have to face is Dianna"

"Austin didn't tell you?" I inquire.

"Tell me what?"

"Dianna is gone. She went back to New Zealand. Apparently she and Jay worked everything out and I guess they came to the conclusion that they would never work. But I guess they left on decent and friendly terms. There were no bad feelings between the two of them."

Nina shook her head, and continued to look at me. "Wow, Austin never told me any of that,"

"Shortly after that happened Jay came to me and more or less tried to get back together."

"And you turned him down?"

"I did, more or less because of my commitment to Eric. Eric has been nothing but good to me…"

"You just don't feel anything for him?"

I am silent for another minute as I think of both Jay and Eric. My thoughts of Jay automatically set my body on fire. I want him. I still reel from the feelings Jay is able to ignite in me, even when he's not in my presence.

"Nothing more than friendship," I finally answer, coming out of my small daze. "I want him to be happy, but I think he'd be happier with someone who felt the same as he does. I don't think I am that person."

"I don't think so either," Nina confirms. "You need to work things out with Jay; otherwise you are never going to be happy."

I nod, "You are right. Thank you. I think it helped me a lot to say this out. I was keeping those feelings buried for too long, trying to avoid them, and hope that they just go away."

She smiles at me as she leans over to puts her arms around me. She brings her lips to my ears, so no one else can hear her. "Go get your man."

Chapter 14

I arrive on set and see that Jay is no where in sight. He must still be in his dressing room. It's unusual that I am out on set before him. I was hoping to be able to catch him to talk to him quick before we started.

Nina is right, now that the door has opened further for Jay and I, I can't take being apart from him. I need to get over the family thing Jay has going on with Dianna because obviously neither of us are happy without each other. After all the pushing away I did towards Jay, and how I shoved the commitment thing with Eric and myself practically down Jay's throat, I don't know if he's still willing to even give it another go. He's probably is actually letting himself move on. It'd serve me right; if that's what he chose to do after everything I have put him through the past few months. But even thinking of him moving on, whether it's Dianna or someone else pains me to no end. The second I think of it, I feel a shooting pain go through my heart. I know I deserve whatever pain comes my way, but I was doing everything in my power to give Jay the best chance at being a real family. Now, all I can do is hope, that I didn't do too much damage to our relationship and see if there is even a possibility we can fix us.

Pulling me back out of my thoughts is Jay entering the set. I quickly glance around to see where Eric is. I almost stand up to run over to Jay, but stop myself. I don't want to seem too antsy. Jay knows me too well, he will know immediately that something is up if I go over to him now, and now is not the time or place to get into this with him. Maybe I can get him to go out somewhere after we finish filming if it's not too late. I know I don't deserve him anymore especially after everything I've done over the past few months, but I need to try.

Jay doesn't come over to me and wait with me to start shooting, like he normally does. In fact, I feel as if he is deliberately keeping his space from me. I watch him for a bit from across the set and I notice that something is completely off with his body language. I continue to watch him, and he rarely makes eye contact with me, and when he does look at me, and he sees me staring back at him, he quickly turns his face and his eyes away from me in what looks like to me awkwardness. I have no idea what is going on with him, but it's making me nervous. I am not sure what to make of it.

After what seems like an eternity, the crew calls us to set to get in position for a brief session of blocking before we start to film.

"Kristin," Jay breathes, as he comes up behind me.

Goose bumps form on my neck, and I feel myself willingly blush. He is barely inches from me. He is staring at me. My skin is starting to warm and I feel myself blush a bit.

"Jay," I reply, wanting to say more, but nothing coming out of my mouth. After everything, with just a look, Jay can almost put me over the edge. I bring my eyes up to look at him. That charge we share is there, strong as ever, and it isn't going anywhere. I honestly don't know how I denied it for months.

"Do you want to go out for coffee after we wrap later?" I blurt out quickly, looking into his eyes. I didn't mean for it to come out so abruptly, I don't know where my head was just a moment, I was hoping to ease into my request, especially after all the pushing away I did with him.

He scrunches his eyebrows, before quickly softening them towards me. I am desperate to know what he is thinking right now. He sticks his hands into the pockets of his jeans, leaving his thumbs hanging out. He sucks his lips in quickly before breathing out. He looks so hot standing there in his tight jeans and his thermal shirt on. I feel my nipples swell a bit. He is the most perfect man, in every way, shape and form on earth. No one has anything on his body or his soul.

"You know what, that's a good idea," he finally says. "I want to talk to you about something anyway," he says almost forcing a smile.

"Okay, is everything okay?" I ask with a bit of concern.

"Everything is fine. Let's talk about it after we wrap for the night," Jay says quickly.

"Okay, whoever is finished first, they will just text the other person and let them know that they are free," I say unintentionally moving closer to Jay.

I walk into the coffee shop and automatically search for Jay. He had texted me twenty minutes earlier to say he was just arriving at the coffee shop and that he would grab us a table. It takes me no more than ten seconds to eye Jay at the back of the coffee shop. I slowly make my way back to him, taking note at his facial expression. There is something off again about his facial expression and body language. He is staring out the window, his hands covering his mug. He hasn't picked up yet that I have entered the coffee shop. Something must be weighing on his mind, for him to not have noticed or picked up on the fact I have entered the coffee shop and that I am headed his way.

I get in within a few feet of him, when he finally realizes that I am here. He quickly jumps up out of his chair to come over to the opposite chair to hold it out for me to sit in.

"Thank you, Jay. As always, a perfect gentlemen," I smile as I watch him get comfortable again in his seat.

It is quiet for a minute. I watch Jay sip his coffee. He hasn't looked at me directly since I first sat down. There is definitely something weighing on him. I wonder for a moment what it possibly could be that he wants to talk to me about, and if I should break the ice.

Jay sighs sadly.

"Jay," I finally say. I reach my hand over to his hand and run my thumb over the top of his hand.

"Kristin, let me go first," he says interrupting me.

I nod for him to continue.

"There is no easy way to tell you this, but I—I was offered another pilot for an upcoming show, which has been in the works, and it is supposedly going to be the talk of the fall shows. ABC actually sought me out and asked me to test. They are offering me three times more what I make from Beauty."

I blink quickly at Jay's confession. I am not even sure if I heard him correctly.

"Kristin, did you hear what I said?" Jay asks as he tilts his head to look at me.

I exhale shakingly. I feel the color drain from my face, and feel a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I gulp, before looking back up at him. "What about Beauty?" I ask. "We don't know if we have been renewed or not yet for Season Four. We could be renewed. I know your contract is the same as mine, for five years."

Jay sighs sadly, before grabbing my hands. "I've met with Brad, Stu and Mark, and we've discussed my contract and this opportunity and the network is still up in the air with moving forward with Beauty, but they gave me the okay to test and left the decision up to me if I want to purse this other job."

"Wait, you are basically telling me, that the CW left the fate of our show if it continues or not is in your hands?" I ask as I play with my fingers trying to distract all my emotions that are slowly building up.

"Yes," Jay whispers almost as if he's ashamed. "Well, this job opportunity makes things easier for them with renewal. They think Beauty can still be profitable, if we continue, but they know it would probably never be as profitable as this ABC show would be and would never do for my career what the ABC show could do. They do respect me as an actor to let the decision be mine."

"I don't even know what to say," I whisper. "Are you going to go for it?" I ask.

Jay looks down into his lap. "I want to," he confesses. "It would be a huge mistake for me career wise not to accept this offer. This could be an open door for me. I have to go for it."

Jay is right; he has to go for it. I feel tears welling up in my eyes at just the thought of losing him, and of him not being in my life in some shape or form. I knew eventually Beauty would end, but this is way too abrupt for my liking. But this is an opportunity he can not pass up.

I sigh, and say the most painful heart aching words I feel I have ever said, "You are absolutely right; you do need to take this job. This opportunity is too great for you to pass up and it says a lot, that ABC searched you out for the role. Who is Beauty to stand in your way?" I ask, with a vague double meaning. Who I am, as well as the show, to stand in the way of Jay's career?

"When do you have to let them know by?" I ask. "I'm sure I can assume that you told them you needed some time to think about the offer?"

"I told them, I'd let them know by the end of next week,"

"Well, keep them waiting, no more, accept the offer Jay," I say softly trying with everything in me to hold my tears back and not let him see how this is actually killing me.

"Kristin," he says softly. "I don't regret one second of the last 2 ½ years. I love you."

"Jay—" I crack. "Don't, please."

He leans over the table and grabs my hands again. "You wanted to talk about something too?" he questions. "That is why you asked me for coffee. Something is on your mind."

I realize now that everything I was going to say to him about how I am feeling and my feelings towards him are now moot point again. I feel as if my heart shattered all over again. I can't take this opportunity from him and make him feel worse by confessing to him, what my actual feelings are still towards him.

"Nothing," I finally say. "Never mind, it isn't important,"

He smiles at me. "It is too me," he says as he picks up my hands to bring them to his lips.

I almost melt when his lips touch my knuckles.

"It's nothing," I lie. "I just wanted to catch up." I can feel the awkwardness between us beginning to rise. "It's getting late," I say as I awkwardly clean up the area around me. "I should get going." I quickly collect up the rest of my things before I make a bee line for the door.

Morning has come quickly. I am sitting at my kitchen table, in a robe sipping tea. I didn't get any sleep at all last night. From the moment I left the coffee shop and Jay, until this morning, everything just seems like a blur. I couldn't get any sleep, even though I tossed and turned for hours. When I did drift to sleep for a bit from crying so much, I couldn't escape him even then, because he is what I am always dreaming about. I couldn't get Jay off my mind, and how badly, I've messed everything up. When I didn't spend the hours tossing and turning, I spent the time crying, and wiping my tears away. Everything that has happened is because of me. I am the reason Jay and I are not together. I sigh sadly at the realization, especially as Jay's haunting words he said to me after the day we shared together in my dressing room. I shudder as I recall the words he said to me. _"Every day that you deny what we share and what could be, you are lying to yourself and ultimately cheating on your heart."_

I finally gave up sleeping anymore around 4am and decided to get out of bed and make tea. I was thankful that today was Saturday and that we didn't have to shoot today. I don't know if I could make myself ready to face anyone today, especially Jay. I shake my head sadly as I take a sip of my tea shakingly. I have no idea how I am going to move forward. Jay finally knocked down my walls again, after all the work I did to build them up, I love him, I've never stopped, and now when I finally bring myself to admit it, we can't be together.

We have worked so hard to get where we are, and we have sacrificed so much to be together and now that may never happen. I sigh sadly, as I drift into my thoughts and start to remember what Jay and I have shared together.

 _I am lying in his arm, sated from our passionate love making. It was everything and more what I expected it to be. He was everything I needed and expected him to be and more. The moment we finally came together it was as if our souls became one. I kiss his wrist, before I start playing with his fingers._

 _He nuzzles closer to me. "You are so beautiful, so perfect. The way my body reacted, the way yours did, there are no words that do justice to how you made me feel. I've never experience anything close to what I just experienced with you."_

" _Jay—" I say, as I blush, before turning over to face him. I take my hand and caress his chest. I watch the goose bumps on his chest form. "I feel like I've waited all my life for you."_

" _Me too," he confesses, he slightly shifts beneath the covers to take my face into his hands. "What we just shared was the most beautiful thing. I could lay here with you all day and never get tired of staring into your eyes." He lightly places a soft kiss upon my lips._

 _I am in complete shock still over what we just did. Everything happened so fast. It wasn't something either of us planned, but it just felt right in the moment._

" _I still can't believe what we did, everything happened so fast, but it felt so right, so perfect."_

 _Jay is staring at me, in what looks like utter bliss. "What are you staring at?" I ask._

 _He smiles quickly, pulling me closer, "Just the gorgeous woman in my arms."_

 _I blush slightly and look away in embarrassment._

 _He pulls my face towards him, so I am looking at him again. "Kristin, you never should feel ashamed of your body. I mean everything I say. You are the most gorgeous woman I have ever met," he passionately declares, as he kisses me._

 _I smile at him. "You know if our love making is as explosive every single time as it was this time, there will never be hope for us. We might be in some serious trouble. We won't be able to leave the bedroom."_

 _Jay looks over at me and grins widely. "I have no problem with that."_

" _You want me to go with you?" I ask in confusion. I gulp and repeat what Jay just said to me. "You want me to go to New Zealand with you when you go over break? You want me to meet your family?" I ask hesitantly, unsure if I heard him right._

 _Jay reaches his hands across the table to caress my cheek. It is very rare that the two of us can have any type of conversation without being in close proximity to each other, or without touching each other. It's become second nature to us and part of our routine now._

" _Of course I want you to come with me. I want my family to meet the woman that I love, that I am crazy about. I want to show you my world in New Zealand, and show you where I grew up. Mom has been begging me to bring you to New Zealand to meet her. She wants to meet the woman who has captured my heart, the woman that I talk about non stop when I call her, and you know what? She is right. It is about time."_

 _I scrunch my eyebrows. "Are you sure? Are you sure you want to take that step?" I ask nervously, giving him one more chance to back out._

 _He smiles at me and runs his thumb over my lips. I close my eyes, taking in his touch. "I am sure about you; about us and that I want you to be in my life forever. I love you Kristin."_

" _I love you too, Of course I'll go with you," I reply, not needing any more time to think about my answer. I smile as I lean into him to kiss him and feel my heart beating a hundred miles a minute._

A knock at the door pulls me out of my memories. I look at the clock and see it is almost eight-thirty. I wipe my eyes, and tighten my robe as I walk to my front door. I think quickly on the way to get the door that I hope whoever it is, that it isn't Eric. I need to face him and put an end to us officially, I can't lead him on any longer, but I can't face him right now.

"Are you ready to go?" Nina says, as I open the door. My eyes grow in size as I process that it's Nina standing there.

"Okay—obviously you aren't ready to go anywhere," Nina says as she looks me once over.

"Oh my God," I say as I cover my open mouth. It dawns on me that Nina and I made plans earlier in the week to do something today.

I let go of the door handle and swing the door further open. "I'm sorry, Nina, please come in," I say trying to give her an honest smile.

She comes in and sets her bag down on the couch in the living room as I close the door. She turns to look over at me as I finish closing the door.

"What is it, Kristin? Why do you look like that?"

I gulp, and wipe some stray tears that start to fall from my face. "It's a long story," I confess, as I run my fingers through my matted hair. "I can be ready in twenty minutes to go out, if you want to wait."

Nina sits down on the couch and makes herself comfortable. She crosses her legs and then her arms. "Well, I am canceling our plans until I get out of you, what is going on." She pauses for a moment to look up at me. Her facial expression changes as I think she a realization to what may be going on. "Wait, does this have anything to do with what is going on with Jay?"

I nod slowly. I sit down next to her. "You might as well get comfortable. There is a lot to this story," I say as I half smile at her.

I spend the next hour or so filling Nina in on everything that's transpired since we last spoke when she more or less told me to "go get my man."

"Can I ask you something?" she finally asks after I finish telling her everything.

I shift uncomfortably on the couch. I look over at her. "Sure."

"Have you broken things off with Eric yet?"

I shake my head in embarrassment, not looking at her. "I was planning on it, after I worked everything out with Jay. I was planning on confessing how I feel to Jay and fixing us first, then dealing with Eric. I really didn't know how receptive Jay was actually going to be, especially after I pushed him away for so long."

"So, you were going end things with Eric after you reconciled with Jay?" Nina questions. "But, when Jay told you about this job offer, you decided not to end things with Eric?"

"Yes," I say almost inaudible. "I didn't see a point to. I mean maybe Eric and I could've eventually worked out."

"You don't really believe that, do you? You really think with the way you feel about Jay that you and Eric could truly ever work?" Nina says, calling me out on my actions."

"I don't know, Nina, at least I could give it a try."

"Kristin, do you know how awful and shallow that sounds? Basically, even if that is how things worked out, you would still be cheating on Eric again, because you went to Jay first instead of dealing with that commitment, real or not, you have going on with Eric." Nina pauses as she lets it sink in with me. "There is no doubt in my mind, and I am sure if you are honest with yourself you will see it too, but, if Jay didn't spring that news on you, you guys would have reconciled and slept together, which in turn, then you would've cheated on Eric."

Nina furrows her eye brows. "You already cheated on Eric as it is, because of that day in your dressing room," she reminds me. She pauses for a moment before she speaks again, looking directly at me. "For once why don't you make a choice that makes you happy? Stop worrying about making Eric happy or Jay or honoring a commitment, which you made in haste. Make a choice that makes you happy."

I exhale sharply as I continue to let Nina's words sink in. She is absolutely right. I don't know what I was thinking and why I didn't go to Eric first. I need to deal with Eric first before dealing with Jay. "You are right," I finally speak. "I don't know where my head has been. I have messed everything up. Everything is my fault, every single thing," I sigh.

"Kristin," Nina says softly, touching my arm. "You haven't messed everything up. Everything happens for a reason, and now that you realize everything, there is still time to change it and fix everything." Nina exhales and then smiles, "I truly believe that yours and Jay's story is far from over. You two belong together, everyone can see that. We all saw that despite being apart the two of you were still very much together." Nina smirks quickly, "We all were just waiting patiently for you to come to your senses."

I laugh, "To come to my senses?" I ask.

"Yes, Eric has been a mere distraction as you tried and attempted to get over Jay. We knew that it was going to do no good to try and talk sense into you. You had to come to the realization on your own." Nina puts her hand out, and nods towards me. "Which, you obviously and finally have realized."

"Gee, thanks for all the support and encouragement," I smirk towards her. "And when you say we?" I ask.

"I mean, Austin and myself, and even some of the other crew members. That thing that is between you two over powers everything." Nina laughs a bit, "It was probably more awkward for us over the past few months than it ever was for either you or Jay."

"You know we never meant to put you guys in that situation," I say apologetic.

Nina smiles, "We know, and understand." She puts her hand on my shoulder. "You need to figure Eric first out, deal with that and then go after Jay. It might not be too late to salvage your relationship with Jay, despite him possibly signing onto for another pilot."

Nina and I are quiet for a few minutes. I run my thumb over my coffee mug, thinking over quickly the conversation that Nina and I just finished having. She's definitely given me a lot to think about. Nina is right about everything. I haven't been thinking straight, and I haven't made the best decisions concerning my relationship with Eric and Jay especially. I have done everything backwards. I knew that I had to do everything in my power to fix this situation that I put everyone in, and that I had to accept whatever fate came my way.

Nina leaves me a couple hours later, again telling me right before she left to "go get my man." We put our plans on hold for the weekend, so I could take some more time to think things through and deal with everything. I wasn't really sure how I was going to approach this all, especially since Jay received that pilot offer. I never thought about what would happen with us after Beauty was over. I didn't like the idea of leaving Canada. I figured Jay and I would work it out, and that he would stay in Canada, instead of going back to New Zealand. Now, everything is different. We aren't together and he has this opportunity and it's not in Canada. I shudder at the thought of him being in a completely different country than me and moving on from us.

If he leaves Beauty, the show will definitely end. I think about the different options that I have now that I know about Jay's opportunity. If I don't fix things in some way I will be in a lose-lose situation. I won't have Jay and I won't have a show, either way the show will end, regardless if we fix things between us or not. I wonder for a moment though how far I was willing to go if Beauty ends and Jay leaves. I sigh, and smile to myself a moment later, at the realization that if Jay takes that job, or any job for that matter there wouldn't be any doubt or hesitation in my mind about leaving Canada and following him wherever it is that he may go. There is always hesitation and uneasiness when it comes to Eric, but with I am more than willing to drop everything and go wherever he goes. However, the only way that this could work though, is if we are together.

I spend the next few hours lost in my thoughts and regret over everything. I flip through the gallery on my phone at pictures of Jay and me, stopping at each picture to recall the memory. "I can't live without you; I hope that I am not too late to fix us."

I start to wallow and tear up again, when my phone rings. It's Eric. "Hey Eric," I answer, trying to hide my obvious pain.

"Hey," I reply. "What's going on?" I ask pushing my hair out of my face.

Eric sighs into the phone, before speaking. "I have been worried about you,"

"Why?" I ask, sort of playing dumb.

"There has been something off with you for weeks now. Honestly, I've noticed something has been off since I told you that I love you and asked you to move with me once Beauty is over."

I don't entertain Eric any longer on the phone. "We need to talk. Can you meet later for dinner?" I ask, before I lose my nerve. It has to get done and I need to stop delaying the inevitable and stop worrying about other people's feelings.

"Of course I can," he agrees.

"Great, is 7:00pm at that seafood place down the street from your apartment good?" I ask.

"No problem."

"Thanks, I'll see you then," I say quickly before hanging up.

Chapter 15

Eric is already there and seated at a table when I arrive. He is dressed in a business casual suit. I look down at my jeans and a nice blouse and almost feel bad that I didn't dress up more. I spent a good hour debating on how dressy I should've gotten. "No, If I dressed nicer, it would only lead Eric on more," I say to myself as I get closer to Eric.

Eric stands up when he sees me walking towards him. "Let me," he says as he pulls the chair out from me.

"Thank you," I smile as I sit and then watch him get comfortable in his chair.

We order dinner first, before either of us dive into the elephant that is standing between us. We engage in light conversation, but the awkwardness and tension keeps growing.

I sigh sadly, unsure still of even how to begin. I don't want to hurt Eric, he's been wonderful to me, but we can't go on like this, especially when he feels one way about me and I feel almost the complete opposite about him.

"Eric, I need to say some things to you," I finally break. I look quickly at him before looking away and back down into my lap. I can't bear to look into his eyes and see how hurt he is going to be when I do what needs to be done."

"I figured you did," he half smiles. He shakes his head quickly, "And by how you've been acting lately and your body language now, I am pretty sure I can assume that it's not good news."

"No," I confirm as I shake my head.

"This is about Jay?" he questions. His tone is more about confirming what he suspects rather than asking.

I sigh, it's now or never. I can't lie to him anymore than I already have, by beating around the bush. I need to say what I have to say and move on with it all. "Yes," I nod, as I bite my lip in nervousness.

"You still love him. You still want to be with him."

"Eric—" I say softly, trying to be gentle as possible and not hurt him any more than I already have. "You've been wonderful to me and have helped me through some tough times, but…."

"But, you don't love me," he says finishing off my sentence.

I feel horrible, but I can't lie. "I don't want to lie to you," I reply. "I do care for you, and you have been amazing, but I don't have those kinds of feelings for you. I thought if I gave it some time that maybe my feelings would grow, but I guess that didn't happen. My heart belongs to someone else. It really never left that person." I sigh guiltily, while I pick at the food on my plate with my fork. "I'm sorry, Eric, and I am sorry if you felt like I have led you on. It was never my intention to do that."

Eric shakes his head. His face is soft. "You know, I am not really surprised by this," he confesses as he reaches his hand across the table to mine.

"I am sorry," I say again apologetically. "You've been great, but all I want to be is friends, if you still want to be. I know I don't deserve your friendship."

"Don't be sorry," Eric says finally looking up at me again. "I was the stupid one."

"Eric—" I say before he cuts me off.

"No Kristin, it's true. I stepped in too soon after things went sour with you and Jay. I never gave you the chance to heal, on your own. We got together too quickly after you and Jay."

"Eric, it wasn't just you."

Eric gives me a stern look. "Yes, it was just me. I've done a lot of thinking about us in the past few days. I knew what kind of state your heart and mind were in. I should've backed away before letting things get as far as they did. I started to notice something was off between us, the night I told you that I loved you."

"You did then?" I asked.

"Kristin, you turned white as a ghost, when I said it and you couldn't even say it back to me."

I frown at him in sadness.

"I knew something was off then, and since then the couple times we have been together, you've been off and distant from me and I think it has everything to do with my declaration of love, and the fact that you are still in love with Jay." Eric half smiles at me, "You know, it has been written all over your face and body language for months about how you feel about Jay. We were just both too in denial about it to actually face the facts."

Eric was right. I wonder for a moment, if the way Jay and I felt about each other and acted around each other was that obvious to everyone around us. The realization that even Eric still sees the connection between Jay and I is sad. I feel bad that I put him through what I have and that I have hurt him.

"Do you hate me?" I ask. "Can we still be friends?"

"Of course I don't hate you and of course we are still friends," he smiles. "I only want you to be happy. I am sorry that I couldn't be that guy, but I guess some things aren't meant to be."

I lay in bed trying to get comfortable and staring up at the ceiling, after being up on and off all night again. I slept horrible over the course of the past couple days, due to everything that has happened. My nights were filled with Jay, longing for him, dreaming of him, wanting him. I didn't know when I was going to make the move, and go to Jay. I wanted to be in the right head space when I did, and I didn't want end things with Eric, to just go rushing directly back to Jay, that seemed pretty shallow too and I was with done being shallow.

I still felt awful for hurting Eric the way I did, and leading him on. If I wasn't going to stay with Jay, I should've just remained single, and tried to heal on my own. I just wanted the pain of not being able to truly be with Jay to go away. I built all those walls, quickly, and used Eric as a wall to keep Jay out, but even those walls in the silent moments especially when I was alone were never enough to keep Jay out of my heart. I always put on a strong front when we were together or filming to keep him out, but I'd always break once I was alone. To make matters worse instead of dealing with it the best way possible and healing on my own or trying to make it work with Jay, I took the easy way out and let another man be with me to cover my emotions.

Despite all this, I still couldn't help but think of Eve. She needed me to allow her father that chance to be a family. I don't completely blame myself for them not working out anymore and for Dianna and Eve being back in New Zealand, but I don't think I could've ever let go or ever stop wondering what their chance to be a true, honest family could've been if I didn't let Jay go and at least try without me being in the picture.

I drift off finally again, only to be woken up again, by thoughts of Jay in my dreams. I look at the clock and notice that was only asleep for forty-five minutes, just enough sleep for me to have my dreams be almost complete playback of our relationship and history together. I turn in bed to stare out the window, I bring my hand up to my chin and make a fist, so I can rest my chin on it, as I zone out on the first time Jay and I met, at our chemistry read.

 _I enter the big conference room in the CW's LA office, after flying in early that morning. Jen, Sherri, and Kelly were already there. I had received a call two nights earlier, to come back to Los Angeles for a chemistry read, for the male lead of Beauty and the Beast. I couldn't believe how quickly that they found someone for me to test with. I wasn't completely looking forward to testing, as this was the first person, I'd be testing with and that I'd probably have to test with a few more people before any decision was made._

" _Hi Kristin, thank you for coming on such short notice," Sherri smiles, "You will be testing today with Jay Ryan," she says as she grabs the folder that is in front of her. "He's in with wardrobe and make up testing a few things out._

 _I nod, "Jay Ryan," I say as his name rolls off of my tongue with ease. "What's he done?" I ask, surprising myself with my curiosity, of him._

 _Jen hands me a blue folder that has his name written on it. "Here's a folder on him and of his work, if you want to take a peek."_

 _I take the folder anxiously from Jen, and settle it into my lap, slowly opening it. There are many papers in the folder, but my eyes immediately drew to his head shot. I immediately felt a slight attraction to him and my heart begins to race. I gulp and lick my lips cautiously. I've never reacted to anyone's picture this way. As I continue to stare at his picture, and run my fingers down the picture, I vaguely hear in the background Jen and Sherri filling me in a bit on Jay's previous works._

 _I am finally drawn out of my trance, by the door opening slightly. I am not sure who is coming through the door, so I quickly close the folder in embarrassment and throw it gently across the table towards Jen._

 _Brian enters first, then directly after him enters, another man, that I assume is Jay Ryan. We immediately lock eyes with each other, before even any introductions begin. I feel my heart's pace, pick up a notch. I almost can't look away, but I force myself to as not to make it anymore awkward._

" _Jay, this is Sherri, Jen, and Kelly," Brian says pointing in their direction. Brian finally looks over towards me, "and this is the lead of the series, playing Catherine, Kristin Kreuk."_

 _Jay walks closer towards me, to shake my hand. I watch him intently, observing, that he is in fact wearing a wig._

" _Don't mind this wig," he says pointing to his head, obviously noting that I am sort of staring at it. "I have a half shaven head from my most recent project." He smiles at me awkwardly, "they put it on me," he says tilting his head towards everyone else in the room. "They thought it would make this less awkward fir us."_

 _I laugh lightly and find myself blushing a bit. I feel the heat forming in my cheeks. "I am sure it's not that bad."_

 _I continue to smile at him, as I feel this strange pull between us starting to form. I feel that instant attraction, I had before when looking at his folder, grow significantly. He is stirring up feelings in me that I have never known before. I am not sure if this is even normal._

" _So, you guys are going to be reading the scene from the warehouse, when Catherine and Vincent first meet face to face after nine years," Sherri says to us, handing us both scripts. "Do you guys want to go over to the platform, so you have more room to act it out?" she asks._

" _Sure," I smile, "If that's what Jay wants to do," I reply, as I look towards Jay._

" _It's fine with me. Whatever you are comfortable with."_

 _I nod at him, as I walk up to the platform, leaving him still in his chair. As I walk away, I feel as if his eyes are on me. Jay joins me moments later._

" _Page 26, is where you guys are going to start, and you will finish here page 40, with Tess entering, and Catherine meeting her to say "Come on," Jen says, pointing to her script. "Jay, you start with the line, "He's teaching class…"_

 _Jay nods at her._

" _And go, whenever you are ready," she adds._

" _Are you ready?" I ask, peeking up through my eyelashes at him._

" _Good to go," he replies._

" _Alright then, let's do this," Kelly says._

 _A minute later Jay starts off. "He's teaching class."_

" _I need you to steep out where I can see you," I say in my most cop like tone. "Sir," I say softening my tone just a notch. "I'm not going to ask you again," I say shaking my head lightly._

" _Okay," Jay says almost inaudible, while he nods his head._

 _I gulp as we are quiet for a moment. I feel my heart start racing at the anticipation of Jay's next line. I feel a flushed feeling upon my face, and find myself breathing a bit more erratically. I wonder for a quick moment, if anyone has noticed. I lick my lips, as I watch him walk closer._

 _He takes a few quick steps, all while never taking his eyes off of me. I don't even look away. I can barely blink. I feel like Jay is looking directly into my soul._

 _I breathe softly, and scrunch my eyebrows, "You're Vincent Keller. You look pretty good for a dead guy."_

" _I did not kill that woman!" he says, not taking his eyes off of me._

" _And I didn't mention, a murder," I quickly reply, tilting my head. I feel my emotions going all over the place; I don't know how I am keeping them in check right now. Everyone must think this is going horrible. I hope they don't think that it's Jay. Here I am ruining it for Jay._

 _I gulp and quickly get my composure back, "but since you brought it up…why were your prints at the Webster crime scene?" I say in a slightly demanding tone. We have yet to unlock eyes._

" _Look, I was out driving, I saw her collapse." I watch him shift his stance slightly. I take note to every part of his body that sways with him. My body is screaming at me now in pure agony. It's reacting to every move that Jay makes. It's almost frightening the crap out of me as my body has never done this before and I have always been able to keep my emotions in check._

" _...she hit her head, she needed help," he says flexing his arms outward._

 _I scrunch my eyebrows, still trying to keep in check the bit of composure that I have left. "So you followed her into the hotel?"_

 _He quickly inhales, "I tried to resuscitate her."_

" _You gave her CPR. You're a doctor."_

 _The distance between us is killing me. I want to be closer to him. I wonder for a quick moment what it is that he might be feeling at this very moment._

" _She had been poisoned."_

" _How would you know that?" I ask in surprise, scrunching my eyebrows again._

 _We wait a second to continue._

" _Your phone," Jay finally says._

" _Hey," I say breaking our eye contact for the first time. "has tox come back on the Webster case yet?"_

 _Brian reads the line of the medical examiner. "Our telepathy is working. Positive for lethal doses of nicotine."_

 _My face slightly drops._

" _Cat, I just gave you cause of death."_

" _Yeah," I say as if I am far away. My eyes are back on Jay. I noticed Jay did not once stop staring at me when I had to pick up the 'phone'. "That's great. Okay, I got to go," I say quickly, still with a face full of shock and surprise._

" _I'll see you at the cinema at 9:00, yeah?"_

 _I am still too focused on staring at Jay, or Vincent to realize I agreed to Evan. "Yeah, sounds good."_

 _I keep my eyes on Jay, "How'd you know she was poisoned, if you didn't kill her?" I ask, as I walk closer._

 _He flexes his arms out again. I immediately notice the veins in his arms from being in shape. "I have a good sense of smell."_

" _You can smell poison?" I ask as I walk even closer to him._

" _Look, I did not hurt her, okay?" he says holding his hand up in the air._

" _But you were a witness."_

 _Jay opens his mouth slightly as if to speak._

" _Look, I need your help," I almost beg._

" _There was a hair found on the body, matches DNA from an old murder case…"_

 _Jay briefly looks away from me. His face is long._

" _That night did you see anything?"_

 _I look towards his direction._

" _Why do you have that?" I ask, completely forgetting about the current murder case. I look back towards him. "I need to know, why you have that?" I ask as a desperate plea._

 _Kelly takes on the part of Tess. "Catherine…"_

 _Jay looks quickly over in Kelly's direction before looking back over at me. "No one can know I'm here."_

" _Why?" I ask "Why does everybody need to think you're dead?" I ask shaking my head lightly._

" _Please," he begs as he starts to back away from me not taking his eyes off of me. "You know, I did not hurt that woman."_

 _I soften my face and turn towards the direction of Tess's voice._

" _NYPD!" Kelly yells again._

" _Please," Jay says softly, his eyes big and full of sadness._

 _I shake my head, "We're not done here."_

" _NYPD!"_

" _Hey," I say as I turn towards Kelly. "It's all clear."_

" _You are right there is nothing here. Come on, let's go. Come on."_

 _We finish and I stare at everyone that is watching us. Everyone has a weird look on their face. It almost looks like they are about to cry. I can't tell if they loved it or hated it. It's quiet for a moment as, they all continue to stare at the two of us._

 _Finally Sherri breaks the ice. "That was…wow, guys. Just amazing," she finishes as she looks in Jen's direction._

 _Jen nods, "I concur. That just blew me completely away. You guys made it feel so real, so genuine. I can't say enough great things."_

 _Kelly smiles, before throwing her two cents in. "I felt like I was watching the real thing. We might need some tweaks, but this looks very promising."_

" _Well, I am not going to break the code here, with the girls, and I am just going to say, I completely agree too."_

 _We spend the next several minutes, wrapping things up. Jay leaves soon after to go back into wardrobe and make up to get the wig off. He thanked everyone for the opportunity, and made sure not to leave without shaking my hand, making sure that our eyes locked once more and sending goosebumps through my entire body._

 _He isn't gone two minutes when I pipe into Jen and Sherri's conversation. "I want him," I say abruptly, before closing my mouth and realizing how that actually came out and sounded. I laugh nervously, wondering if they caught anything. "I meant to say, I think he is perfect for the lead. He deserves this chance and I don't see him letting us or the network down. After what I just experienced in that scene and his professionalism, I support him 100%." I am careful as to what I say and how much support I show Jay, as I don't want to reveal what he's been doing to my feelings. Those feelings aside, I think he is perfect for the role and that we could do great things._

My phone buzzing brings me out of my zone, back into reality. I grab it off my night stand. "Hello?" I say into the phone.

"Kristin, it's Nina. Have you talked to Jay?" she asks in a serious tone.

"No, I haven't. Is everything okay?" I say as I sit up in bed.

"Kristin, you need to go to him right away, if you haven't yet and figure out what you want."

"Why?" I ask in bit of worry, flinging my legs over the bed to get up. "What is so urgent?" I ask.

Nina is silent for a moment. "I just got off the phone with Austin. He's heading to ABC to sign contracts and what not for that new pilot. He's leaving today. This is it Kristin. There's no going back after he does that."

My heart sinks at her words. I quickly get back into reality. I can't lose him. He needs to know before he signs those contracts, how I feel about him, and that I want to be with him, wherever he wants to go. He needs to know that I love him, that I still want him.

"I am on my way," I say, practically hanging up on Nina.

Chapter 16

A million thoughts are going through my mind, as I make my way across the city to Jay's apartment. It is still unbelievable to me everything Jay and I have went through the past few months. Everything though now, seems insignificant and meaningless at the thought of not getting to Jay on time, before he leaves. If I don't get to him, it could all be over forever for the two of us. I think back again to everything I've done that past few months and I begin to feel ten times worse. Why did I wait so long to realize what I was doing to us? Why did I wait so long to break things off with Eric and why didn't I immediately go to Jay after I broke things off with him?

I didn't know if I was going to get there in time before he left. Even if he was still there, there was no guarantee that he was going to accept what I had to say and move forward again together. If he leaves without at the very least hearing from me how much I love him, I don't think I'll ever heal from it.

"This is my entire fault," I say as I stare at my phone. I flip through more pictures on my phone of Jay and the two of us together. "What I wouldn't do to take it all back." I push my hair behind my ear and sigh, almost feeling defeated. I feel a tear roll down the side of my cheek. I try hard to continue to hold myself together, but the more I look at the pictures of us on my phone the more the tears continue to fall, and there isn't anything that I can do to stop them.

"We are here," the cab driver says, pulling up in front of Jay's apartment building, and pulling me back to reality.

I wipe my eyes, before pulling a twenty dollar bill out of my purse. "Thank you," I say, as I slide out of the cab, handing him the twenty on the way out,

I stare up at his apartment building before entering, for what seems like an eternity. I know it is now or never and I better get going inside before I lose all my nerves.

I take the elevator to Jay's floor, and slowly pace myself down his hallway. There is no turning back now. I come upon his door and stare at it for a moment. I take a tissue out of my pocket and wipe my eyes and face. I run my fingers through my hair trying to settle it down and fix any strays. I exhale softly, as I bring my hand up to his door. So many emotions are running through my head. I feel my heart beating a million times a minute. My palms are starting to sweat. I am nervous. I bite my lips in nervousness as I continue to hold my hand up near the door.

Just then the door knob clicks and the door slowly opens. I blink and he's standing in front of me. I lose my train of thought. I open my mouth to speak and nothing comes out.

"Kristin—" Jay finally says staring directly into my eyes. He quickly shakes his head. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

"I—I just needed to see you," I finally manage. "I'm fine," I say.

"Kristin, you don't look like you are okay, at all. You are flushed."

I nod, "I'm fine," I repeat. I stare up into his eyes. It's all of the sudden really hot in this hallway. I feel dizzy, and before I can even blink again, I fall into Jay's arms and pass out.

My eyes fly open. I look quickly around. It takes only a second for me to realize that I am now inside of Jay's apartment, and I am lying on Jay's couch.

"Here, drink this," Jay says coming over to me. He hands me a tall glass of water.

"Thank you," I say as I take the cup of water from him. I slide into a sitting position on the couch.

"How long have I been out for?" I question.

"Not too long," Jay smiles. "How do you feel?" he asks looking at me intently.

"Awful," I say smiling back up at him. "Sorry about that."

Jay swiftly moves from his sitting position across the room to sit on his coffee table in front of me. He takes my hands, and squeezes them, before bringing his hand up to my face. He brushes the stray hairs from my face. He is still staring at me, as if he's looking through me into my soul. I feel the goose bumps on my arms start to prick up again.

"Kristin," he finally speaks. "What is wrong? I know you and there is something wrong. Please don't tell me it's nothing."

"Jay—" I say, almost losing my nerve. I look up at him, and he looks completely lost.

"Kristin, why did you show up here? What is it that you want?" he asks. He doesn't take his eyes off of me. "I don't understand any of this."

"I love you Jay," I blurt out. "I've always loved you. You are right; the love that I have for you, the love that we share comes around once in a lifetime. We are meant to be and I don't want you to leave. I don't think I could bear losing you," I cry, as tears start streaming down my face. "You are everything to me, and I cannot be without you. Each day that we are apart, my heart breaks a little more. I can't even bear the thought of you leaving me permanently for this new pilot and never seeing you again, never being with you again. Please, don't take this pilot. I know, it is very selfish of me to ask this of you, but I can't do this without you. I can't be without you." I sigh softly before continuing. "I want you, and if you really feel that you want this pilot then that is fine, I will follow you anywhere that you need to go, or wherever you need to be. Together is where we are supposed to be."

"Kristin," Jay says as he takes my hands into his. He caresses my hands with his thumbs.

I move closer to him, and bring my hand up to his face. I caress his stubble for a moment. I look into his eyes. I am in awe of how much I love this man and how important he is to me. "I was wrong Jay, about everything. I mishandled everything and I am so sorry that I've hurt you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Kristin, please stop. I need to say something."

I look at him curiously as I wait for him to continue.

He sighs, "I was going to leave today, and sign the contracts with ABC."

I shudder at his confession. I already knew that is where he was heading from Nina, but for him to actually confirm it out loud is painful.

He smiles, "That is where I was headed when I opened the door to you."

"I know," I frown and look down at my hands.

"Hey," Jay says as he lifts my chin up so I am looking at him. "When you fainted in my arms, and I brought you inside, I watched you for what seemed like hours. It was only twenty minutes or so, but as I watched you rest, I realized that despite everything that has happened between us, I couldn't bear to leave you. No matter what the state of us is or becomes, I can't leave you now. I told you once that you were encrypted into my DNA, and I still believe that. There's no way, I can let you go or leave you. You are what makes my life complete."

"Oh Jay," I say as I unintentionally blush.

"After that realization, I called ABC immediately and told them, I was no longer interested, and that I was staying put."

My eyes grow. "You did what?" I inquire, unsure if I heard him correctly.

"I am staying," he repeats. He smiles at me and brings his hand up to my cheek. He runs his thumb over my lips, and down my chin. "And Kristin," he says staring again into my eyes. "I love you too," he whispers to me, before he kisses me, and plunges his tongue desperately into my mouth.

Chapter 17

I feel Jay pull me closer, right before he starts nuzzling my neck. I sigh, feeling completely sated from our passionate love making. I don't know how I was able to be without him for so long. It was crazy for me to even think that I could be without him, or be with someone else besides him, ever. Even, though I subconsciously thought I was doing the best for all around, by leaving Jay, I don't know how I could deny everything he makes me feel. It was absolutely beautiful, when we finally connected again after months; it was if we were never apart. He still knows how to make me feel like the most important person in the world. There is no way; I'm leaving him or this bed this time around.

He continues to run his hand down the length of my body.

"Mmm," I lightly moan, as I turn to face him in bed. I can't believe that we are here after everything. I know that I don't deserve to be lying in his arms, to have him still love me and want me after the past few months.

"I've missed you so much, Kristin," Jay whispers in my ear seductively. "You have no idea how much I've missed you and have longed for you over the past few months."

I smile as I nudge my body closer to him. God, I feel so at home right now, so complete. There isn't anywhere in the world that I'd rather be right now than here in his arms. "I think I do," I frown slightly. "Ever since the day we broke up here, I've always felt like a piece of me was missing, a piece of my heart. I was never truly happy no matter how much of a front, I put on." I frown sadly, "I just couldn't admit it, and I wanted you to have a chance to be a family with Dianna and Eve, without me. Giving you that chance was the hardest thing I've ever had to do," I confess softly.

Jay smiles, before leaning down to kiss me, "You are an incredible woman Kristin Kreuk. And truth behold I don't deserve you, not vice versa."

"Jay…." I whisper.

"Kristin, I am serious, you have put up with an awful lot since we first got together. You have been loving, supportive and understanding. Most women aren't like that. There was no reason that you had to hang around and wait as long as you did for a real future for us." He sighs, "I am so happy and grateful you did." He tilts my chin up slightly, "You are what makes me happy."

I blush slightly at his compliment.

"I can't apologize enough for how much agony; I've put us through the past few months."

He smiles at me, before brushing some stray hairs out of my face. "Kristin, I don't want to hear you apologize for anything again. We both contributed in some ways, but it doesn't matter any more because we are together now and that is what the most important thing is. I love you."

"I love you too," I reply.

He kisses me again, before rolling me over lightly. "I want you; I've never wanted anything more than you."

I run my fingers through his hair before taking note that he is already more than ready for me. I bring my leg up to push the sheets off of us to give him better access, before wrapping my hands around his neck to bring him down to me for a kiss. He breaks the kiss not long after to move his attention to my breasts. He hasn't even touched them yet, and they are already hardened at his glance. After what seems like an eternity, Jay takes one of my nipples into his mouth and begins, lightly sucking on it, while he plays with my other nipple.

"Oh Jay," I moan in pleasure. I can't get over how my body reacts to him, even after all this time. He is almost sending me over the edge and we haven't even begun to make love again.

"You are so beautiful, Kristin, you complete me in so many different ways. I love you, and I promise I will love you forever. Whatever comes our way, we will work through it, but together."

"I love you too Jay," I smile, just as he finally enters me.

After what seems like hours of more passionate love making, Jay slips out bed, and pulls on sweat pants.

"Where are you going?" I ask, sliding up in the bed, pressing the covers against me to cover my breasts.

"I'll be right back," he whispers. "Just stay right there. There is no way you are leaving that bed today," he smirks.

"I wasn't planning on it," I smile back at him, as I snuggle back down into his bed.

Jay isn't gone more than a few minutes, when he comes back into the bedroom. He is standing in the doorway, staring at me.

"Are you going to stand there all night? Or are you going to get back into bed with me?"

"In just a minute," he says as he walks over to my side of the bed. As soon as he reaches the edge of the bed, he drops to his knees, and pulls out of his pocket a small black box.

My eyes double in size. "Jay—" I say, trying to catch my breath.

"Shhh—" he hushes me, before taking my hands and bringing them to his lips to kiss them. "I can never lose you again. I cannot be with you ever again. I love you, more than my own life, more than anything. I want you to be mine forever. Don't ever leave me again. Marry me, Kristin, please." He slowly opens the ring box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

I stare into his eyes, unable to speak. So many emotions are going through my mind at this very second.

"I know this seems pretty sudden, especially since we just got back together, but I have actually had this ring for awhile. I picked it out a couple weeks before we broke up. I hung onto it, because I truly believed in us and that eventually destiny would prevail for us."

I slightly gasp. "Is this for real?" I ask softly. "You want to marry me?" I ask in a barely audible whisper.

"It's for real," he smiles back at me. "And yes, I want to marry you. I want to marry you more than anything. I've wanted to marry you since the second I laid eyes on you, the first time we met."

It still feels a little sudden, but instead of acting on my emotions and thoughts, I smile and think that everything is supposed to turn out the way it's meant to even this proposal, and I want him more than anything else, and probably just as much as he wants me.

"Yes," I finally whisper.

"Yes?" he questions, unsure if he heard me right.

"Yes," I repeat. "Forever and ever," I smile

He slips the ring onto my left ring finger. "You are never leaving me again, Kristin,"

I smile down at him, "It goes both ways, I love you."

"I love you too," he says as he gets up from his knees and kisses me, leaning me back down on the bed for another round of love making, while dreaming of our brand new future together.

Epilogue:

It's been almost eight weeks, since I showed up at Jay's door, and professed my love and undying commitment to Jay. The past weeks have been amazing and indescribable. I still have no idea how; I ever was able to walk away from Jay. After everything that has happened since then, I am more confident than ever that Jay and I are meant to be together and that I will never walk away from him again.

It's early, but I have to get up, I have an early call time at the studio. The season is almost over. We are shooting the final scene of episode thirteen, in a couple days. The last scene also so happens to be the Vincent and Catherine wedding.

I move slightly from Jay's arms, before he starts to stir.

"Where do you think you are going?" Jay whispers as he pulls me closer to his chest.

"You know, I have an early call time," I smile.

"Five more minutes," Jay mumbles into my hair.

I maneuver out of his arms, before sitting up, and turning back to look at him. I feel my nipples harden at his stare. "You know that if I lay back down with you, it won't be for just five minutes."

"That's the point," he chuckles, as he leans up onto his elbows.

I grab my clothes off the floor and bend back down to kiss Jay. "You just like driving me nuts, and getting me in trouble by making me late. I love you, I'll be back. Wait for me," I smile as I turn from him, and walk out his bedroom.

I stop in the kitchen to grab my purse to bring it into the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, I quickly dig for the brown paper that I stuffed into my purse last night, before I came over to Jay's apartment.

I sigh, as I open the bag, and pull out a pregnancy test. I run my fingers through my hair, still in unbelief, that I am standing here about to take a pregnancy test. I missed my period, but I haven't thought much of it, because I have missed periods before. I am thinking it's just stress, and the constant on the go, and everything that has transpired between Jay and me over the past few months. To say the least we have been on an emotional roller coaster. I just need confirmation that is what it actually is.

"Well, here goes nothing," I breathe, as I rip the cap off of the test. I sit on the toilet. A second later, I pull the stick from the toilet, and sit it on the edge of the sink. "Guess, now all I can do is wait three minutes. "It's probably negative," I say as I lick my lips nervously.

I take my brush and start brushing my hair out, trying to do anything to occupy my time for the next three minutes. I can't let myself think of what ifs yet. Jay and I have never discussed having kids. I mean we have discussed it in theory as a possibility one day, but that is as far as it went. We haven't discussed it at all since we've gotten back together. I don't know what he would think about having a baby now and on top of everything else, how would that affect the show.

The test beeps. I exhale heavily, as I grab the test. "Well, this is it," I say softly, a million different thoughts going through my mind in a one second. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, before quickly opening them again to look down.

"Pregnant," I say softly, as I continue to look at the words pregnant on the test. I feel as if I am in trance.

I spend all day in still disbelief. I am pregnant. I left Jay's apartment, without a word to him. I wanted to take another test later in the day to just be sure. I can't even recall when my last period was. I think it was more than six weeks go. I am not sure if I have already missed two periods or if I am working on missing my second. After my shoot was over for the day, I went back to my dressing room to test again, and just as I expected, I saw the same results as I did that morning. There was no denying it now, I am definitely pregnant. Now, all I had to do is figure out, how I am going to break the news to Jay.

We are getting into position to film the final scene of season 3. We are all together today. Jay hasn't seen me in the wedding dress. We want to keep it authentic our emotions within the scene. All our blocking and rehearsals were done in our regular clothes.

I get the signal to walk out onto the set. I am smiling. I can't wait to get in front of Jay. I start to feel a tear rolling down my face. I quickly wipe it away, as the door to the set gets open by a crew member.

 _I am smiling just at the thought of seeing Jay. I laugh as I step through the arch. I see Jay immediately, and I feel my heart literally skip a beat. I momentarily forget that we are Vincent and Catherine. I can't get over how perfect he is, that he is mine and that he is the father of my baby. I lick my lips, subtly to bring me out of my trance and back into reality._

 _"You look amazing," Jay grins widely, as I walk towards him. His eyes follow me as we get into position at the altar, and I can't help but blush. As I wait for Nina to begin, I can't help but admire Jay and think about how much I love this man. He is everything to me._

 _"Okay, guys, so we are gathered here to witness the coming together between two people."_

 _"You look beautiful," Jay whispers as he stares into my eyes, surprising me because that wasn't in the script. I know he's referring to me. My heart jumps at his compliment. I smile, trying to hold my tears back._

 _"…whose hearts and spirits are absolutely entwined as one," Nina finishes._

 _I can't take my eyes off of Jay._

 _He smiles, and licks his lips. I can tell he is nervous._

 _"I love you for everything that you are and everything that you make me when I am with you."_

 _I feel a gulp in my throat that I try desperately to hold back. I can't help but smile._

 _"You are my partner in life and my one true love."_

 _I repeat his line. "You are my partner in life and my one true love." I can't help but smile. "…and I will cherish this marriage always and I will love you more and more every day."_

 _A tear slowly falls from my cheek, and Jay automatically brings his finger up to my cheek to wipe it away. I can't help but blush and laugh._

 _"Do you Vincent Keller take Catherine Chandler to be lawfully wedded wife, to love, honor, cherish and protect?"_

 _"I do," he smiles._

 _His response sends shivers down my spine. I tilt my head and chuckle lightly._

 _"Do you Catherine Chandler, take Vincent Keller, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honor, cherish, and protect?"_

 _I smile, "I do."_

 _Jay is still smiling at me. He steps closer to me._

 _"Hm?" Nicole says motioning at Austin for the rings._

 _"Rings?" Jay says as he turns towards Austin_

 _"Oh," Austin says digging through his tuxedo._

 _"Rings."_

 _I look towards them._

 _"Ladies first," Austin says._

 _I feel a bit of nervousness overcome me. "Okay," I smile as I look up at Jay._

 _Jay takes the rings from Austin and smiles at me. He takes the ring, and starts to slowly put it on my finger. "For better, for worse, for richer or poor, sickness and health, till death do us part."_

 _He is still smiling at me, looking directly into my eyes. I can't help but look down and blush. God, what this man, does to me even when we are only filming. No man has ever done this to me,_

 _I quickly blink, feeling the tears starting to well in my eyes again, as I take his ring and place it on his finger. "I promise to be your constant friend, your faithful partner, and your love from this day forward." I smile and exhale heavily, feeling so many different emotions._

 _We laugh as we lean slightly into one another._

" _Okay," Nina says smiling. "…by the power just now, vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife."_

 _I look at her and smile widely again at Jay. I receive the same smile back. It feels so real, as if this is really the real thing._

" _Kiss her, you're married," Nina says._

" _Okay," Jay chuckles, as he leans into me. I tilt my head up to meet him, and we kiss softly, careful not to get too carried away with one another._

 _I vaguely hear Nicole squeal in the background, as we continue to kiss._

 _Jay places his hands around my face, and kisses me deeper. Oh I wish that we were alone right now. I feel my heart begin to race again. God, I want him right now, right here. He finally pulls back from the kiss. We all start to dance and laugh together. I toss my bouquet to Nina, and laugh again, before Stu yells cut._

"That was perfect guys," Stu says coming up to all of us. I don't even think we need another take. I'm just going to replay it, quickly to check, but I think we are good to go."

"Let's celebrate," Stu says as he hands us all champagne glasses a few minutes later.

I hold the glass for a minute, trying not to make it noticeable to everyone that I am not drinking.

I arrive back at my dressing room, to clean up, and get ready to leave the studio for the season. Jay and I had made plans with the rest of the cast to go out and celebrate the end of the season, which means that my plan would have to wait.

Just as I am about to get undressed, there is a knock on my door.

I open the door to Jay.

"Jay," I breathe, as I hold onto the door knob. "What are you doing here? I thought we were going to meet up later, with the rest of the cast?"

"We are," he says as he steps into my dressing room.

I shut the door, and look at him with a bit of uneasiness.

"Kristin, something was off with you during shooting. It was weird."

I scrunch my eyebrows. "What do you mean?" I ask, not sure what he's talking about.

"Your body language was completely off, and you weren't drinking either. What's going on?"

I exhale. He obviously knows me way too well. Jay obviously was watching every move I made during the shoot, to notice I wasn't drinking at all. I thought I was careful, but apparently, not enough. I debate momentarily in my head if I should just tell him now or not. I need to tell him, and before our plans got made, I planned on telling him tonight.

"Jay—" I say softly, "you should sit down," I lick my lips. "Sit," I repeat.

He walks closer to me. "No, I can't sit right now; you need to tell me what's going on. Are you okay?"

I exhale again, and smile at his stubbornness. "I'm fine Jay, more than fine. I am pregnant," I breathe uneasy.

Jay blinks quickly before his eyes enlarge. "What?" he asks, as if he didn't hear me correctly.

"I'm pregnant," I repeat almost inaudible. I look down in slight embarrassment, before looking back up at him. His mouth is open, and his eyes are still enlarged. He looks speechless.

"I am sorry Jay, I know this wasn't planned and we haven't even thought that far, as to kids. This is as much of a shock to me that it is to you. It's totally unexpected and I know that this probably changes a lot and…." Before I can say any more, Jay gets up and kisses me on the mouth hard. He plunges his tongue quickly into my mouth, before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into him.

We break from the kiss a minute later. I honestly don't know what he is thinking at this moment. I stare up into his eyes, now speechless myself.

After what seems like hours of silence, Jay finally speaks.

"Kristin, you have just made me the happiest man in the world."

"What? I say in a bit of surprise.

"Yes, it may have been a shock, and we may not have really talked about this, but this is the best news you could have ever given me."

"You are happy?" I ask.

Jay walks closer to me and puts his hand onto my stomach. I feel chills go down my spine. "Yes," he whispers as he looks down towards my stomach. "Our baby," he whispers as he looks back up at me.

"Our baby," I repeat to him.

"This is only the beginning, of our wonderful life together Kristin. You have no idea how much I love you and how much I love this baby already. Thank you so much for this wonderful gift."

I smile back at Jay and lean up to kiss him. Just when I think it's impossible to love Jay any more than I already do, he always manages to prove me wrong.


End file.
